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Going on a date tonight with someone I've never met in person. SO NERVOUS. HELP!

k8tea

By k8tea
in Dating Advice

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k8tea Enthusiast

k8tea

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A few weeks ago I made an account on link removed, not really taking it too seriously. I had a lot of guys send me messages that were shallow and vapid and I wasn't interested at all. Well I started talking to this one guy on there and we have so much in common it's crazy! We talked for hours about music and our favorite bands. He's a musician and I'm a huge music geek. We like the same kind of music as well. Anyway, we emailed back on forth on there for a few days, then exchanged numbers and started texting, and then the past few nights we have chatted on Skype, face to face. We were both making each other laugh like crazy and so far we get along great. He kept telling me how pretty I am and that I have "a cute laugh." Even after all this I am still so nervous to see him in person. I look different in person. I am a bit overweight but I am losing it and I've already lost 50 lbs in the past two years...obviously he has seen me and pics, but still it is different in person! I'm also short which makes me look even fatter I think. He's the only guy that has talked to me on that site that hasn't been sexual with me at all and hasn't asked me to send him "full body shots" or "booty shots." He also said my personality is more than enough of a reason to meet me.

 

I know I shouldn't be so nervous, I am 22 and this guy is 23. I've been in one serious relationship before and this is the first date I'll be going on since that ended last summer....I'm sick of worrying about my weight and what guys think of it. I am not huge but I still need to lose another 40 lbs or so before I hit my goal.

 

Any tips on not being so nervous tonight? I don't want to look stupid. Sometimes I get so nervous my stomach gets upset and my mouth gets all dry. How embarrassing!

 

Also, we are going out with my best friend and her date because I didn't want to meet this guy alone the first time, so I figured a double date would be good.

 

I'd really appreciate any help guys! Thanks!

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Ariel85 Enthusiast

Ariel85

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If you've falsely portrayed how you really look, then be prepared for him to not be happy and to walk out.

 

Did you post pics that showed you being a lot thinner than you are now? Not trying to feed into your worry here, but if you haven't been honest about how you look, then you have to accept he may be tweaked. I would be NOT because you were bigger than I expected, but because you were deceptive.

 

That being said, if you HAVE NOT misrepresented yourself, then you still need to keep your feet on the ground. Lots of people have an online fantasy attraction, that often doesn't translate in real life.

 

Just go meet him and hope for the best, and expect the worst. I always felt when I kept my expectations low, I was more pleased than if I went in thinking he was going to be "the one".

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oldenoughtoknow Apprentice

oldenoughtoknow

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Congratulations k8tea, this sounds really promising. He's seen your pictures and he's seen you on Skype, so don't worry about it. It's common for some to put the most phenomenally inaccurate pictures on dating sites - you know, 10 years ago, 100 lbs ago, or the most perfectly captured picture with a perfect expression and hair and light, etc. But he's seen you on Skype. Skype doesn't lie, so keep thinking about that. And I think (without using the tricks above) most of us look far better in person than we do in picture or video. So, you're in. If you still can't beat your nerves, if you drink, you could have a glass of wine shortly before you meet him. Or, I've found a few aspirin (Tylenol, etc.) can slow my heart rate, lower my blood pressure, sooth my central nervous system, and thereby calm my anxiety. Good luck!

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EmmaB78 Enthusiast

EmmaB78

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OP - has he seen full body shots even though he didn't ask for them? How did you list your size on the site? I, like others, think the fact that you skyped is great though and should ease your mind a little. If you are 40lbs overweight it's going to show a little in your face so he can't think you're a twig. Also, what does he look like? I find that guys who are athletic tend to care more about these things whereas guys who are a little overweight themselves or are naturally thin but don't work out are more forgiving.

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flaminghair81 Apprentice

flaminghair81

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I 100% understand how you are feeling right now. I met a guy online, emailed, had three hour long Y! chat sessions and texts. I was very up front about the fact that I am not a thin girl. We talked about it before we met, me making sure he really understood before meeting me because I was so paranoid about it. I was so nervous about meeting him. I told him how nervous I was all through the day. I think my heart was pounding so loud when I got to his door, I did not need to knock (yes, I broke the cardinal rule, our first date was at his house with him cooking me dinner). Boy was it obvious how nervous I was, but as the night went on, I became more comfortable. We've been together for 7-1/2 months now.

 

I think being honest is the best way to handle things. You've been honest about your weight, perfect. If you are nervous, there is nothing wrong with telling him that, because more than likely, he is too. It also will explain why you fumble around or accidentally trip. My bf has actually told me that my shyness and nervousness around him was something that made me more attractive to him.

 

Other tips, since you are with your friend, don't lean on her too much. You are on a date with him. If he tells you that your are beautiful, thank him, don't tell him no. Being overweight myself, it was really hard to accept my bf telling me that I was beautiful. Unconscionably, I would get a gross look on my face and tell him he was wrong. Accept the compliment.

 

Have fun, be yourself and don't beat yourself up if you do something goofy because you are nervous.

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k8tea Enthusiast

k8tea

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Soo cute! I am glad your date went well and you've been together for 8 months now. I am just going to be myself and have fun. If he doesn't like me because I have some weight to lose, then he's not the right guy anyway.

 

But, I am not going to put too much more thought into this. I really appreciate everyone who has read and responded! Thank you!

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MrRight Collaborator

MrRight

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I wish you good luck and wait and see. Keep expectations very, very low. From what I can tell the online dating thing is not a piece of cake. I met a woman once that had her pictures from when she was in good shape. Then it turned out the woman was overweigth and I walked away after first date.

 

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k8tea Enthusiast

k8tea

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Alright guys.......well I just got home. The date was fun and we laughed a lot and had a good time. He began to get very touchy feely, and then he kissed me in his car, and then again on my porch. And it wasn't just a PECK, if you know what I mean. I really didn't feel anything special, it was nice, but not very romantic lol I want to get to know him more. I like taking things slow.......so now my dilemma isn't him not liking me, it's him being too forward on the first date...lol. I'd like to get to know him more before any of that. It honestly feels like it didn't even happen because it SHOCKED ME. I was not expecting the night to go like this at all :S

 

We are hanging out again next weekend........I don't want him to get the wrong impression of me........

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emma j Enthusiast

emma j

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I meet my boyfriend on pof. I remember meeting him for the first time. I was nervous as hell. We'd been talking for about 2-3 weeks previous to this.

 

You seem to have similar interests and have spoken on skype so you should be fine. Just try and relax and get a drink into you!!! good luck!

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Ariel85 Enthusiast

Ariel85

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That's kinda funny. You were worried he wouldn't be attracted to you, and now he's OVERLY attracted to you! (well, at least acting on it too much).

 

You said you spoke so much in advance of meeting - this never came up?

 

Just be sure you are clear with your boundaries. Don't tell us that you don't want anything physical quite yet - tell HIM. You sat there and tolerated his (inappropriate to you) touching, which to a guy, means you accept it and enjoy it. If you don't say no, then you're giving him the green light.

 

You need to discuss this before your next date, or else keeping silent could land you in a very bad situation.

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k8tea Enthusiast

k8tea

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That's kinda funny. You were worried he wouldn't be attracted to you, and now he's OVERLY attracted to you! (well, at least acting on it too much).

 

You said you spoke so much in advance of meeting - this never came up?

 

Just be sure you are clear with your boundaries. Don't tell us that you don't want anything physical quite yet - tell HIM. You sat there and tolerated his (inappropriate to you) touching, which to a guy, means you accept it and enjoy it. If you don't say no, then you're giving him the green light.

 

You need to discuss this before your next date, or else keeping silent could land you in a very bad situation.

 

Yeah. You are SO right. Next time we talk I will tell him.....I'd love to get to know him more, but I am the kind of girl who likes to take things slow.

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sophie274 Mentor

sophie274

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k8tea - where/when is your next date? I think one of the best ways to keep things moving relatively slowly in the physical department is to meet in public places during the day time. It can be a bit tricky to talk about "taking things slowly" with a guy, IMO, in part because it's a big cliche and a lot of people say it and then don't move slowly at all, in part because it could come off as a bit rejecting to the guy. Going on dates that are more fun and get-to-know-you-dates than romance and low-lights could help keep things at a pace you like without having a big discussion.

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craz1pap1 Newbie

craz1pap1

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wow, well congrats, all i got to say is be your self and dont worry about a thing, he'll know whats up. and dont show that ur nervous, that could be a weakness and a advantage for him so just be confident and honest and have fun, and let the night unwrapped it self before you. and when u least expected it will be ur second date and on and on. so good luck and have fun.

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Ariel85 Enthusiast

Ariel85

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Yeah. You are SO right. Next time we talk I will tell him.....I'd love to get to know him more, but I am the kind of girl who likes to take things slow.

 

Absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I'd tell him just this. You need to establish your boundaries, and just let him know where you are with the physical aspect of dating.

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