Is it really over?

[flipballer]

So my girlfriend and I broke up in July. We have been going out since 2008, so it has been a bit more than 3 years. We are still both young, we started going out as freshman in highschool. Before we started dating we were best friends and so conversation has always been easy. She has been my best friend throughout the relationship and in that way we were a little unique as we probably acted more like friends around other people. And we never relied on a physical relationship to keep it going.

 

So in April of this year, one night I was drunk and I held her ex-best friend's hand. I used to like this girl, she became a good friend this year and that night she told me she liked me and I was surprised because she never really likes anyone. I guess I felt really good about that and I continued to try to talk to her, even though it became really awkward after that night. My girlfriend found out about that a month after it happened, and we went on a break for a week because she was really angry but she said she can look past it. But I kept talking to the other girl. And when we talked it was during school, where everyone saw, which was bad. I thought I had feelings for her, and when my girlfriend told me to stop talking to her, I said we probably wont talk after high school. But I texted her in the summer to hang out and my girlfriend found out, and found out that I liked her and then she broke up with me and she said it was for good. She said she felt so stupid because everyone knew except her. And it's not that I'm not sorry. I am sorry beyond words for hurting her, and treating her like that. She said that it sucks that I realized it too late and I should've known before it was over. I would never treat her like that again, I know that, it was just a phase.

 

But I still really love her. She was really hurt by me, and always hates stories about the girl taking the guy back after things like this. She told me I lost all her trust. When I talked to her she said at the time (two weeks ago, about a month after we broke up) she doesn't think she would ever let what I did go. But she told me that she doesn't know how she'll feel later, so she never ruled out the future. She said that in a year, she would go on a date with me and she promised to take it seriously. She also admits that what we had was very special, that she loves me and that she agrees that we were best friends and she still wants to be friends. Despite this, I am getting a strong feeling she is trying to move on because she's convinced herself that she deserves better.

 

One thing that concerned me was whether or not I actually liked this other girl. So I hung out with the other girl last week, and not one feeling came back. It really was just a phase, and an extremely stupid one that ended my relationship. All my friends are telling me to move on and that it's over, but when I consider the way it ended and how we were together it is impossible for me to give up. This girl means the world to me and I am willing to wait for her. We are both going off to separate colleges and she agreed we can be friends and still talk and possibly meet up from time to time. She said she believes how I feel right now, but she is also convinced that my feelings would change when I'm in university, but I am really sure that they wont. I've admitted to my ex what I've done wrong, apologized a million times and am living the consequences. But is breaking up forever a fair consequence?

 

I would really appreciate any advice or opinions. Thanks.

[jenny_mcs]

I've admitted to my ex what I've done wrong, apologized a million times and am living the consequences. But is breaking up forever a fair consequence?

 

I would really appreciate any advice or opinions. Thanks.

 

Sorry you are in pain, but yes, I think getting dumped is a "fair consequence" for repeatedly cheating on your girlfriend.

[Eocsor]

You're both very young, headed to different colleges, and likely to meet other people. Even if you hadn't broken up before college it most likely would have ended at some time in the not too distant future. College, for most people, is a time to experiment and find themselves and not too many high school romances survive that. I can't count the number of people who showed up at my university and had a high school girlfriend or boyfriend who were single by the end of the first semester.

 

You can try and remain friends if you find it doesn't impact you negatively. Most likely, at some stage you'll just let it all go and move on though. Theres a reason you went looking for someone else and that reason is you wern't ready to settle down. You might just want her back because she's someone you can't have now.

[flipballer]

The other girl was just my friend. After the night we held hands, I never flirted with her. I just talked to her as a friend, as I always have. I guess because I thought I had some feelings it was bad, but they were misguided and she doesn't mean anything. I guess getting dumped is fair, but will I deserve another chance?

 

I know we are young, but I feel as though it was different. We were both willing to work through college both knew we would. And that might be the reason I want her back, but if it persists throughout college, then what? When will these feelings stop being just an emotional reaction and when would it turn out to be real? Reading over what I wrote does kind of show my age and experience but I think I'm being genuine about her and how I feel.

[Stay_home]

You betrayed her trust, on several fronts; pushing her with no other alternative.

[flipballer]

So this is a situation where sorry can never be enough? Are you saying it is impossible to get her back? I know what I did was wrong, and I may seem like a terrible person for doing that but it doesn't represent who I am or the overall quality of the relationship, I knew I hadn't been the same in the last couple months of the relationship but I am willing to change.

 

Do you think that this is a good course of action? She is willing to keep contact and stay friends, even if she knows that I do want to be with her. I plan on keeping contact, but not trying anything other than to slowly earn back respect and trust as a friend, which is how we started going out in the first place. In a year, she told me she would go on a date with me so I was thinking of really working on myself until then.