green2012 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 About 8 months ago I met a guy and we became fast friends. I work for an employment agency and he worked in our office for a bit. We hung out all of the time and we really enjoyed ourselves. However, it has been 4 months since we have hung out and I am very sad about it. During the course of our friendship I discovered that I had unresolved feelings of inadequacy and self worth issues. He is very social and I became afraid that he would eventually find a new friend and not want to hang out anymore. He was in a transitory time, just new to the city etc, and he often spoke about his lack of social life, and he broke up with his gf who he moved here with. I took it all very personally. I have trouble expressing myself so I rarely spoke up and these feelings festered. I acted out of fear, and at times I was rude to him, and unnecessarily dramatic. 4 months ago he told me that he wanted space while he dealt with some stress. About a month ago, he told someone to tell me hi, and I ran into him a few days later. He expressed happiness to see me and he introduced me as his first friend in the city, etc. he asked if I wanted to catch up. I said yes. He asked for plans the next day, and then ended up canceling twice in the same week because he had a bad week the first time and then hungover the second. I saw him a few days later when he appeard at where I work ( he used to work in the office temporaily) to show his brother around. He said that we would catch up, and he has not made effort since. I would really like to sit down and make an effort for this friendship, but I am not sure how to best approach it. I have made significant changes, and I believe that I can be a better friend then I was before. .I am posting because I have come to so such clarity and understanding about myself, that I want to share this with him. I am resisting because I had a couple of dramatic moments and I don’t want to be too heavy. However, I want to let him know that I no longer am making him responsible for my feelings, and that I am in a good space to begin anew in a friendship. This is a curious place for me to be in because I am 30 (he is 24) , I have had the same friends over 15 years, and have had very good male friendships too. I just really felt strong connection with this person and I am surprised by how afraid I was. I am not sure if I should just speak when spoken to, or initiate the fact that I have changed and would like to try again. Link to comment
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