Really want to start anew with a friend, but concerned about how to approach it.

[green2012]

About 8 months ago I met a guy and we became fast friends. I work for an employment agency and he worked in our office for a bit. We hung out all of the time and we really enjoyed ourselves. However, it has been 4 months since we have hung out and I am very sad about it. During the course of our friendship I discovered that I had unresolved feelings of inadequacy and self worth issues. He is very social and I became afraid that he would eventually find a new friend and not want to hang out anymore. He was in a transitory time, just new to the city etc, and he often spoke about his lack of social life, and he broke up with his gf who he moved here with. I took it all very personally. I have trouble expressing myself so I rarely spoke up and these feelings festered. I acted out of fear, and at times I was rude to him, and unnecessarily dramatic. 4 months ago he told me that he wanted space while he dealt with some stress.

About a month ago, he told someone to tell me hi, and I ran into him a few days later. He expressed happiness to see me and he introduced me as his first friend in the city, etc. he asked if I wanted to catch up. I said yes. He asked for plans the next day, and then ended up canceling twice in the same week because he had a bad week the first time and then hungover the second. I saw him a few days later when he appeard at where I work ( he used to work in the office temporaily) to show his brother around. He said that we would catch up, and he has not made effort since. I would really like to sit down and make an effort for this friendship, but I am not sure how to best approach it. I have made significant changes, and I believe that I can be a better friend then I was before.

.I am posting because I have come to so such clarity and understanding about myself, that I want to share this with him. I am resisting because I had a couple of dramatic moments and I don’t want to be too heavy. However, I want to let him know that I no longer am making him responsible for my feelings, and that I am in a good space to begin anew in a friendship. This is a curious place for me to be in because I am 30 (he is 24) , I have had the same friends over 15 years, and have had very good male friendships too. I just really felt strong connection with this person and I am surprised by how afraid I was. I am not sure if I should just speak when spoken to, or initiate the fact that I have changed and would like to try again.

[DylanNotorious]

I'm confused. Are you talking in a romantic way or just a friendship way.

 

Your over-analyzing if it's just a friendship way. Just proceed as normal and be a lot nicer to him. He probably won't even notice how you were to him the first time.

 

But are you taking in the romantic sense?

[green2012]

Thank-you for the response. I know it seems that i am talking in the romantic way but im not. It was the beginning of a close friendship, and we both acknowledged the closeness. It was more of an issue with intimacy with me as i have a hard time opening up with people and he is very open. He brought that to my attention, and stated that he was very open with me and felt that he didnt know anything about me. I behaved that way due t me fear of feeling close enough to want to share when i am typically very guarded. He said that i was rude to him as well. Either way, he stopped talking to me and i only assume why. I was hoping that when he asked to hang out recently that it would be a good time to convey that i am different and can be more relaxed, and he canceled. I guess i just miss the friendship and want to know the best way to approach plans.

 

I am over analyzing arent i? thank you