Just as I was getting over the hump. ADVICE PLEASE!

[hazelnut321]

Hi All,

 

I haven't posted for a while. I've been working on spiritually becoming the person I want to be. I've been reading tons of books, studying the Law of Attraction and Yoga and a tad of Buddhism. I have my 2nd appointment today with a therapist. The reason I'm doing all these things, is because I sank to the depths of despair recently and cried my eyes out for 30 days straight. June 22 was the day I got the dump. The reason is complicated; He had a rough time figuring out where I fit in with his kids and all the other things in his life. Even though, when we were together, it was nothing short of amazing. He compartmentalized his kids, his work, me into different boxes, if you know what I mean. The boxes rarely intersected. Add to that, the fact that he NEVER said those 3 little words, I guess it was bound to happen. He told me that he didn't say that until he was ready to spend his life with the person. Semantics?

 

I've been divorced for a number of years and have had a couple of signinficant LTRs that didn't work out, but I'm in a very good place. I'm very happy with my own company and self sufficient. We were only together 13 months, but I consider him "the love of my life" thus far. When I first saw him, it was magnetic. VERY unusual, even unprecedented, for me. We are both 50 BTW.

 

But the timing was off. He was 1 1/2 years out of a 20 year marriage that his wife ended because she found someone else. He thought he was ready to dive into dating again and joined an internet site. I was the first woman that he dated. I wish he had dated a bit more- I knew from the get-go that this wasn't ideal.

 

His children, 13 and 16 have been having terrible emotional problems. They are both in therapy. That's the reason that he gave for ending things. He "needed to get his house in order during the summer and fall". I told him that I understood, that I missed him already and I wished him well. I told him that he knew how I felt about him, but that I would find a way to move forward. I was strong during this last conversation- it had to have been Divine Intervention- I wanted to cry, plead and BEG him to reconsider.

 

I left him completely alone except for one text a month later that said "When will I stop missing you?" He didn't respond, but called 2 days later. We had a good conversation just catching up mainly. He said that one of the things he missed most, was our day in- day out talks and friendship. He was usually calling 3-4 times a day. I missed that TERRIBLY too. But thanks to ENA, I told him that I didn't think I could be his friend right now- "maybe a year from now" is what I said. He told me that he wanted me to know thaqt he is there for me anytime I need him. We ended the talk with him saying verbatim "You know, once in a while you meet someone kind of special. Every great once in a while, you meet someone who is so much more than that- and that's you." I thought to myself, that that's as close as he can come to ILY with me. I said, I felt the same way about him and that I was getting emotional, so I needed to get off the phone. That conversation was roughly a month ago.

 

This week, I had a weak moment and sent another text. "You have been on my mind. I hope you're doing well". He immediately sent me one saying "Things are slowly getting better. I really miss our friendship." (that DAMNED word again) and he added "I think about you a lot. I hope you're doing good." I responded a very simple "thx". And that was it.

 

I've been having hell with insomnia, so yesterday evening I went to bed very early. I get up and there's a voice mail message from him, saying that he probably shouldn't be calling, but was just checking to see how I was doing.

 

I love him so very much, I would like to hear his voice and talk to him a bit. But I think it would be detrimental to my progress to call him back.

 

I would very much appreciate any feedback you wise ENA posters can give me. I think I know the answer.

[texaslove]

I wish my ex would contact me. I really have no advice but wish you well

[Eocsor]

I'm sorry for your pain. The thing is, if someone actually loves you for real, they find a way to make it work. He didn't. He couldn't even say he loves you. Thats not to say he's an evil guy. He's probably a decent person. But he never developed those feelings of love for you so he ended it.

 

I don't see any hope here for you. I think the best thing you can do is go no contact and work on yourself. I wish you all the best and all I can say is I know it will get better.

[hazelnut321]

Eocsor-

 

Yep, you're right- they will find a way.

 

Life is a continuum of lessons. Just because I consider someone the biggest love of my life, that doesn't mean that I'm the love of theirs. And that @#$%ing hurts.

[Eocsor]

I know how you feel. After my significant other of 14 years left I was devastated. I just couldn't understand how someone who I loved so deeply decided I wasn't the one for them. But, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move foreward. It's all we can do as human beings. But there are always betterdays ahead. It's just the crappy process of getting to those better days that sucks so much. All the best. You'll make it.

[swann]

Good post Eocsor. Thanks for taking the time to write it.

[hazelnut321]

Good post Eocsor. Thanks for taking the time to write it.

 

 

ditto- what swann said.