What Stages Have You Gone Through In Order To Move On?

[Love1336]

WOAH IT WE BROKE UP? ANGER!!!!!!!!!!! Tears. Loneliness with more tears! Seeing light in this dark hole i crawled into. Seeing more light, and smiling because i want to, not because i have to, and then *SEE EX AT WORK* ANGER!!!!!!!!!! lol.

 

Now I am whatever. miss you, but gotta get over it.

[Mellie]

Hmmmm, do you think that maybe he is using the online thing and dosent want you to cotton on to that? Personally, there is nothing wrong with online dating hun. The taboo element surrounding internet dating has been removed now a days and it is a good way of basically vetting somebody and just getting yourself out there. Trust me, when your ready, joining the dating game will be a nice welcome change.

 

No. It struck me that it could be construed that way, but with him living umpteen thousand miles away, bumping into one another on an internet dating site would be highly unlikely. I think if he's looking to meet someone, he'll be basing his search much closer to home. And I'll definitely reactivate my profile when I'm ready, it's just that I'm not ready quite yet. I just wanted to go take a look around - you know? For reassurance. But then when guys who, under normal circumstances, I'd be very attracted to, started showing an interest, I just got spooked. I am still hung up on my ex (I've started missing him tonight, whereas lately all I've been feeling is animosity over the breakup - maybe that's all I've been allowing myself to feel). I need to keep working on building up my self esteem also. I want to feel sure of myself when I get back out there.

 

I have no qualms about internet dating though. It just depends how you look at it. I've no interest in entering into any 'virtual' relationship (though I have used that as a crutch before to get over a relationship - as was the other guy so no harm done - and it was reasonably effective). But there's a much wider range of people on there than you're going to meet in your day to day life, and ultimately, I think you stand a pretty good chance of finding someone whose a better fit. Of course the flipside of that is it isn't particularly romantic - bit like trying on new shoes at the shoe shop, but hey. As long as you have realistic expectations. If my ex has a problem with it that's a matter for him. I'm not going to be dictated to what I can and can't do - particularly not now!

[mhowe]

Reconciliation? ...Are you back together?

 

yes, after (see above) 100 days apart! We are past the 4 month mark, and things are going very well. If you want to read my thread/back story, it's called 100 day miracle. It's not all kittens and rainbows, but I would say that 90% is more than I ever imagined possible, and it feels like home.

[lemsip]

2 months ago I was thinking of my ex literally 100% of the day. Couldn't get her out of my head. Now, 2 months on, I still think about her constantly but not as much. I played an hour of snooker last night and didn't think of her once! I know that doesn't seem like much but for me it's a real step on. 2 months ago I could barely hold the cue. The process of healing is such a gradual thing that you can barely see it yourself - but it is there. Almost like a puppy that grows into a dog. You don't notice the change when you're with it every day but after a few months you look at old photos and realise the change. Cr@p analogy I know, but you get the jist!

[Silverbirch]

Well said, and you're doing great Lemsip!

[lemsip]

Thanks Silverbirch. Although literally the next minute after posting that my ex emailed me about some logistical stuff about the house, asking for photos for the estate agent. So I had to find an old photo and it meant seeing some photos of her by mistake. Every time I see her name in my inbox my heart drops. I hate having contact now, it sets me right back to the beginning I feel. It doesn't help that in every email she sounds so chirpy and blasé about everything. She keeps signing off with "I hope you're OK" which is really doing my t*ts in. She left me and hooked up with another guy already, how does she think I feel???

[hausser]

I know what you mean Lemsip.

 

Spoke to a relative the other day who gave me a bit of a well meaning dressing down for not being over this yet (am 4 months BU, 50 days NC) which pissed me off a bit. If I could choose to click my fingers and begone with this I would lol. Healing is very very slow and gradual, like you said you don't feel as if anything is happening at the time. Mine left me for another guy too essentially, though I believe he then messed her around, poetic justice.

 

My ex had ALWAYS come running back to me, no matter what the argument, so spent the first two months post BU expecting it and getting angry when she didn't which of course drove her further away. I'm assuming at this point she was infatuated with the new guy. It was like dealing with a new person she had so much resolve not to contact me it's still hard for me to get my head around now but I think it's safe to assume she had been planning to BU a while (in fact she even hinted while we were on hols a few months previous to BU that we should consider an open relationship lol as the sex had dropped off).

 

She actually spent about two to three weeks after the initial BU argument, coming back and fore to my apartment and we even had a short lived reconcilliation. I believe that during this time she was unsure herself really what to do. We had a few more nasty arguments over money and then she really left for good.

 

It only just occurred to me that I spent the entire Summer basically in this maudalin state lol. what a waste. On the plus side I have started sorting things out now. Two job interviews in the next week, and back to the gym and new diet today.

[hello678]

werd bros

 

Its hard when your getting the "I hope your ok!" junk literally 2 weeks after separation, and they're already seeing someone else!

 

I've never understood that, the words show slight care, but the actions show none at all.

 

I've left girls before, one in particular that hurt me even as the dumper. In none of those situations did I ever instantly rebound though.

 

Anyway as to stages of healing, I healed pretty quickly initially, I thought I was going to be in pretty severe pain for a long time after month one. Now i'm about 4 months out (feels longer but) and the healing is getting slower and slower.

 

I'd say i still think about her everyday, but not really positive memories or anything, just thoughts. I've learnt how to dispel them when they occur

[thatguy42]

100 days of NC sounds about right actually.

 

It's been almost 5 months for me, and I still think about her a lot.

I seem to cycle between the anger and the guilt stages. Guilt at what I did wrong, anger at how she didn't try to make it work. I'm in an anger stage now.

 

I probably need a distraction at this point.