RitaTrue Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 What different ways has grieving looked like for you, when moving on? No, I dont mean the stages of grief either. For example with me, it looked like this. *Break up.* Disbelief -->Relief --> --> --> -->Confusion --> Clarity > *NC*> Regret> Relief....and now I swing between feeling strong and wanting to FB stalk him, ha. How's it been for you? Link to comment
Carus Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Life was good..>>> Life is now not so good* Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
texaslove Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 BREAK UP: Confused, sad --> Denial --> Denial --> Angry--> OK due to keeping busy NC: Good for alil while, then down briefly. I still hope he'll call... and then I bounce back to "His loss, I am better off w/o him" and then back to "Why, its been 4 mths, why doesn't he see were meant to be" and then back n forth... and so on haha SUCKS! Link to comment
Eocsor Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Sadness, guilt, anger, bargaining, total insanity acceptance. I still love her in a way, but after a year and a half apart it's just not the same. It's funny but I'm even beginning to have trouble remembering what she looks like. Thank god I deleted all her pictures. It's a good place to be actually. I feel a little regret twinge once in a while but thats it. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I've been through a lot of stages, and don't know for sure if this is temporary - hope it isn't - I think I'm at a "Falling Out of Love Stage" Link to comment
swann Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Same for me, gone through several of these stages. I feel like I'm closer to the acceptance stage but I do also tend to swing back to the "missing her" stage and thinking about her. Wish I could get past that one. I also agree with Eocsor in the "I still love her in a way but now it's not the same". My time away from her is shorter, haven't seen her in 5 months and been in NC for 3 months so I still have a little ways to go I think. Funny but the reason I am on here today is that Sunday is her b'day and I have been thinking about her more today than usual. I have that thought of "this time last year I was with her and were celebrating her b'day and all was well in our world" kinda of thoughts. If they only made a pill to make those thoughts go away.....trying to stay busy and not think about it but it's still there. Guess once I get this first year past me then it won't be like "this time last year we were together and blah, blah, blah" type of thinking as much. The more time that passes the easier it will be right? Thanks Link to comment
zaza34 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Giving him time-Breaking up-Regret-Reaching out-He refusing to see me-NC for 4 months - Meanwhile focusing on healing: realizing that breaking up it was the right choice, so I don t regret anything anymore, realizing that I am strong by myself and I don t need this kind of man, this kind of relationship where I am not respected, so now I am calm, healed, more mature, stronger and just HAPPY for what I am, for what I got... Cheers! Link to comment
Georgia99 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I thought I was over the crying at work, but today I've had to close the door to my office twice. I'm a strong, confident person, just the sadness of it not working out hits me like a ton of bricks once in awhile. BU: June 6 NC: July 16 (broke NC August 7-Aug 14, now back to NC) Link to comment
Cloud9riddim Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Sadness, anger, loneliness, relief, loneliness, acceptance.... loneliness. BUT, I keep myself busy over the weekends, so that helps the oh so common theme of loneliness. Link to comment
mat347 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Sadness, loneliness, anger (after she stood me up twice), kinda acceptance Actually just saw her at a outdoor mall today (she didnt see me) and I got really nervous and butterflies. And now I'm kinda sad and lonely again after seeing her. Link to comment
meoww Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 In order: Fear, Trying to Fix Things, Being a Doormat, Resentment, Anger, Denial/depression, Denial/depression, Denial/loneliness, Denial/enjoying life again, Acceptance/apathy. haha...that sounds horrible, and it really was. Now I'm mostly healed though, I actually got through it. Link to comment
Injured Lion Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 It's been a roller coaster; however, I know that this ride will end sooner or later. Time will tell. Link to comment
lemsip Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls. Mostly feeling like balls. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 It feels fantastic to have had an epiphany where I now feel GRATITUDE! There were things that I couldn't do when I was with my ex which I used to love - going to the beach, bushwalking, bushwalking, horseriding, camping. He has several health issues, and I never held this against him. My mother used to say that she was sad for me because she said that eventually I would end up as his nurse. I used to say to her, I didn't care, I loved him and I wanted to take care of him, and being with him was worth not doing those things. I could have done those things with friends, and did manage them occasionally, but between work, caring for his children, the expectation of going to all of HIS family gatherings, and demands he made of MY time, my recreational was spent doing things I could do WITH him. He said at the B/U how resentful he was of my ponies for the time I spent with them even though he would be using his computer, reading, playing the piano. Most of the time I did spend with them were when I wasn't working and he was. I'm grateful too that I am no longer there to be dragged into all of the hatred from his marriage which ended 8 years ago and the turmoil from his emotionally screwed up children. GRATITUDE IS A VERY HEALING FEELING TO EXPERIENCE FINALLY Link to comment
hausser Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Good thread. In rough chronological order. 1. Anger/indignation initially on BU. 2-3weeks 2. Denial stage, she's not serious etc. 4-5 weeks 2. Sadness/yearning. Ages lol 3. Resurgance/acceptance - Last 2 weeks The whole thing has taken 4 months. I am now at the stage where I can comfortably self acknowledge we are never going to be a romantic couple again and very possibly even friends. The whole sorry mess has been compounded by the fact that she left me too look after the dog she bought, which has essentially kept from working which in turn held me back etc etc. Lot of lessons learnt, and in all fairness the BU has exposed some major areas of work in my life that I have started to rebuild from the ground up. Including and not limited to, REAL friends, employment, social circle, physical appearance etc. It's been emotional but I'm glad I found it out now as opposed to 5 years down the line. Link to comment
water Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Its hard to tell what specific phases I've passed through...definitely started off sad/lonely/upset, had an acceptance period, and now recently I've been feeling angry. Since I know anger is just a seed of negativity and nothing good can come of it, I'm trying to forgive her and not be angry. Its hard after how terrible she was to me. The more time apart we spend, the more spiteful I feel about all things she's done over the years. Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Its hard to tell what specific phases I've passed through...definitely started off sad/lonely/upset, had an acceptance period, and now recently I've been feeling angry. Since I know anger is just a seed of negativity and nothing good can come of it, I'm trying to forgive her and not be angry. Its hard after how terrible she was to me. The more time apart we spend, the more spiteful I feel about all things she's done over the years. Water I feel your pain, and im sure many of us heartbroken fools have felt the same. With me my anger stems from being so stupid as to make myself available to her whilst she was looking else where and subsequently hooked up with a new(old) guy. Ultimatley, we all have different reasons for feeling that anger build up in us but as you beautifully put it, it is just a seed of negativity and if we retain that and hold on it, it wll do us no good in the long term and will just lead us to being bitter and twisted old fools. Link to comment
O-shen Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls. Mostly feeling like balls. Funny as........ Quite frankly i am doing an absolute SHOCKING job of dealing with how i feel. Partner of 8 years breaks it off. Am very hurt, this is the only time i deal with the pain, and accept what has happened. But instead of taking time out to think about what i want, 2 months and i am in a new relationship. Fail. everythings going great for another 2 months then boom, outta no where, its over. I know i REALLY need to chill out and think now, and be by myself. Fail. 3 days later and ex-ex hunts me down and comforts me. I know i should push her away and deal with what i am feeling by myself, but do i? No. we make out and she dissapears.Fail. Now i dont know what i am thinking. I REALLY REALLY need to chill out.At this point i am seriously considering buying handcuffs and hancuffing something stupid to myself so i simply dont leave the house due to embarrasment. But it needn't matter........because 1 week later.....an ex-ex-ex comes to the house to see my sister. We have drinks. We flirt. We make out. Fail. Today, i dont know what the hell i am thinking, its been chaotic. End of the day, i KNOW, its all my own doing. I KNOW i need to spend some time alone and think about how i feel and what i want. I KNOW i am doing an absolute crap job of that at the moment. I am certainly not afraid of dealing with my issues, more just a sucker for female companionship and the feeling of comfort...its just...well .. comforting. Its hard to turn away from someone who wants to make you feelbetter. Its pretty weak of me i realise. Hopefully i will sort myself out. P.S. so i guess my timeline would go something like.............. Sad>Lonely>Happy>Angry>Confused>Sad again>Happy again>Confused again>Lonely>Happy again>Confused again. Link to comment
mg22 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 someone told me it takes 100 days to heal ! he told me its in the bible, so iam counting those 100 days, somehow its helped me. Link to comment
hausser Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 100 days of NC sounds about right actually. Link to comment
Mellie Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls, feeling like balls, not feeling like balls. Mostly feeling like balls. I know that feeling. I've been all over the place, but a bit better (mostly) recently. I've stopped praying for a miracle. I think it's because I've had some setbacks with my work and been forced to concentrate on that instead of all this BS. We're at about... I'm not sure actually - maybe a month of NC? I initially asked him not to contact me for 60 days. He hasn't so far. I'd kind of like it if he did just so I could tell him to go away again. Ahh... That'll be anger I'm just happy (yes, really, actually I can feel happiness again - hurrah!) that every day that passes takes me further away from him, and further back to me. I don't cry all the time - only for the occasional sad movie and what not - and sometimes I can get through a whole minute when I open my eyes and not think about what's happened. And it is now the whole what's happened thing that I've come to see as traumatising, not the idea that he was my "soul mate" or whatever. Coz if he was my soul mate, this wouldn't be happening, right? I guess I'm in an odd situation though. It was a 3 year relationship with a literal physical distance of several thousand miles. We spent maybe 8 or 10 weeks a year together and the rest of the time communicated online. So now it feels like a dream, a dream that's getting shorter and hazier by the day. It feels kind of unreal. He seems kind of unreal. The pain was very real but it's sort of lapsing into numbness. I actually joined a dating site a couple of weeks ago and just put my profile live. I had some nice messages from some *woohoo* good looking fellas but... Nah. I couldn't respond. Took it down again. Actually, I only went on there because when we last spoke, he "advised" me (completely unsolicited, naturally) not to date online. To meet people in real life. He actually asked me to promise - WTH?!! Whatever. I'm just not there yet. I don't feel like I have anything to offer anyone else. I need it all for me right now. Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I actually joined a dating site a couple of weeks ago and just put my profile live. I had some nice messages from some *woohoo* good looking fellas but... Nah. I couldn't respond. Took it down again. Actually, I only went on there because when we last spoke, he "advised" me (completely unsolicited, naturally) not to date online. To meet people in real life. He actually asked me to promise - WTH?!! Whatever. I'm just not there yet. I don't feel like I have anything to offer anyone else. I need it all for me right now. Hmmmm, do you think that maybe he is using the online thing and dosent want you to cotton on to that? Personally, there is nothing wrong with online dating hun. The taboo element surrounding internet dating has been removed now a days and it is a good way of basically vetting somebody and just getting yourself out there. Trust me, when your ready, joining the dating game will be a nice welcome change. Personally, though, I have sometimes gone too fast and I have ended up going on dates only to get be bombarded by an emotional wave relting to my ex. Its like my brains saying to me "This girl is new, she isnt your ex!!". But if your taking your time, this reaction might be lessened for you. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I just have two words that describe my feelings after the break-up I personally went through: Emotional rollercoaster. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 break up --- disbelief. clarifications --- angry, NC. NC ---- angry, numbness, acceptance. Acceptance.....reconciliation. Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 break up --- disbelief. clarifications --- angry, NC. NC ---- angry, numbness, acceptance. Acceptance.....reconciliation. Reconciliation? ...Are you back together? Link to comment
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