I don't know what to do anymore.

[Thatguy083]

I've been with my girlfriend for about 1 1/2 years. Things were good at the start, we met on a online game and became good friends right away. Then we got together and she came to visit me during the summer. Soon after that she came to live with me and my mother at the end of the year because she didn't like her parents that much, with good reason. While living with me things started to go bad, she didn't like my mom at all which is understandable she was rather annoying at times. After about 6 months of living with me we decided to move to Florida where she's originally from with her parents. So in July we got all of our stuff packed and drove down there together. And here we are now.

 

Soon after living with me I did something that really upset her, she caught me watching porn, it was something I did and she knew about it but she freaked out. She got really upset and said she didn't like it. I don't know why she didn't say that before. She even watched it with me one time before we had sex! I told her I would stop but some habits are really hard to break. I had been watching porn for a few years, I'm a guy what can I say. But she caught me again, and then again. I know I really * * * * ed up but she didn't even try to help me stop, she just expected me to be able to do it within a day or two. While I'm trying to fix what I messed up she starts treating me like * * * * , insulting me constantly and just not being very nice. I tell her that it hurts me and she doesn't really care, saying I deserve it for what I did to her. So now I'm self esteem is even lower, it was never very high to begin with, and she doesn't even care how she makes me feel. She expects me to change instantly but when I ask her to change something, something I think would make the relationship a little better, she says no right away and tells me she won't change who she is, she refuses to.

 

So now we move to Florida and things are SOMEWHAT better, we don't fight as much so I don't have to let her win because she just uses what I did against me every time and I can't do anything about it because I'm apparently the cause of everything that's wrong in the relationship, and she still doesn't like her parents much and we both need to find jobs, especially me or I'm gone and have to move back home which I really don't want to do. She has this friend of hers that she went to school with, her best friend I guess. She tells me that she's stolen guys she's liked in the past and how much of a * * * * boyfriend stealing * * * * * she is. Just friendly girl love talk right? That's what I thought, no she really didn't like her friend all that much and was worried that she was going to try and steal me, even went as far as to tell me that I can't even talk to her other than when we're hanging out together, all 3 of us. So at this point she still insults me and things like that, I try to be a better boyfriend for her and a better person for myself, I'm thinking that she's told her friend all the terrible things I've done, or at least part of it so I simply message her on facebook and ask her what she thought of me given what she's been told and what she's seen from hanging out with me. She tells me that she thinks I'm a pretty decent guy and I'm happy that at least one person thinks something nice of me instead of thinking I'm so terrible. Soon my girlfriend finds out because she figured out MY facebook info and logged onto it and went through it, because she feels she can go through my things whenever she wants so she can catch me watching porn again. So needless to say she's gets pissed off at me for talking to her, saying I was flirting with her and that I wanted to be with her instead and told me to leave and be with her if I wanted to so badly. I told her I was just talking and calls me a liar like she normally does insults me a few times, says I'm probably watching porn somehow.

 

This type of thing happens almost daily, she finds new things and old things to be upset with me about, always telling me I don't make an effort to fix the relationship and how I don't care and whatnot. It's gotten to a point where I have thought about leaving even though I REALLY don't want to go back. HELL I've even thought about trying to go out with her friend if that's what she wants so badly, I know that sounds absolutely terrible, but at least her friend was nice to me when we hung out together. But it seems everytime I try to tell her something she could do for me, for us, she just says no and tells me that because she hasn't doesn't done anything to make things worse she doesn't have to make the effort to make things better. But I'm sure she'll say I'm wrong and she didn't mean it like that.

 

So I'm really unsure of what to do. I am completely lost with this. I love her, I really do and she says the same thing to me but sometimes it doesn't mean anything to me when she says it. It's very hard for me to make friends so I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this, that's part of the reason I'm on this forum. I don't talk much, never had many friends in school or anything. It's very hard for me to even talk to people sometimes and I hate it but I don't know how to change that given my current situation.

 

So any advice would be greatly appreciated, it really would. Thank you for reading my post.

[KittyBoo]

Are you sure it's love you truly feel for her? I know I wouldn't love someone if they treated me as poorly as your girlfriend treats you. I think that due to your self-esteem problems, you are willing to settle for anyone. You need to love yourself a lot more so that you will not accept someone who thinks they can just crap all over you and expect you to put up with it.

 

My advice is to be courageous and end the relationship. She is not good for you.