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I think my self esteem has taken quite a hit

I nosed at his fb, and see that is doing quite well without me. Soon he is starting university (he's 21) and is going to live on campus and start a new life and leave behind his old one..I will be nothing but forgotten and can't help but think of myself as a joke to him...or very insignificant atleast He's being all shallow about how freshers week starts soon and of course he's going to be partying hard and whatnot...I can't help but feel insecure about this. I feel like i'm sitting here to rot whilst he starts a new life having a wild time and meeting loaaaaads of new people....*Sigh*


Of course I assumed this would be the case without even seeing his page, but yeah. It really bothers me I want to make something of myself....that's the only way I can feel better I think

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I think the underlying issue here is that you're still locating your self-worth in how you relate to him. That will change as time passes. Many people seem to go through this stage. Eventually you'll get the point where you be happy to see a former partner moving on and finding happiness. Just try to remember that not all relationships will work out and you'll go through the same thing a few times before you find someone you really click with.

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The only reason you're feeling this way is because you're allowing him to control your emotions without even being near him.


It's absolutely crucial that you know just one thing:


Do not rely your own happiness on that of another human being.


He's the one that triggers your good moods, bad moods and possibly depressed moods. Don't allow that to happen.


Oh yeah, and don't forget, you have a life outside of his.


Utilize it.




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about how freshers week starts soon and of course he's going to be partying hard and whatnot


LOL, okay Mr. Popular. I'd like to see him last a semester with that grand ole' attitude. It's all talk. You'll find that 90% of what people have to say is all talk and exaggeration. Just imagine himself hiding in the corner at these wild and crazy parties.


You really should block him on facebook. If you don't you'll constantly check up on him and you'll constantly feel disappointed. He's out of your real life so take him out of your virtual life as well.

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Yeah definatley block him for at least the next 4 weeks.


Miss Mazzi you just sound slightly depressed, as we all are/were when got broken up with. It will pass. I'm not going to lie to you and say he will come back, most don't but set to work on improving yourself NOW and you will give yourself the best chance of, because I know at the moment nothing anyone says here will shift the hope of a reconcilliation. And that is natural at this stage.


Wish I had got to work earlier instead of moping around depressed for 4 months, drinking and moaning. Trust me, after a few weeks people stop caring. You need to accept that for the time being at least you are now single, get to the gym, focus on your career and broaden your social horizons.

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If you really loved him you would let him go. Which means leave him be and let him live his life. With that said the more you check up on him will just make you more upset. Which could lead you to make contact. Do your self a favor. Wish him the best and forget about him... Focus on one thing in your life at a time. Make a list and accomplish them. You are the only one who has to deal with you 24/7/365.

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I don't say much in threads but i will say this.


My last relationship was ruined because my ex was going to school and I always felt like she was doing better than me. It was a weight that weighed very heavy on me and I couldn't shake the thought of her being way ahead of me in life. I didn't want to hear about her school work or school things she was doing because it always made me feel * * * * ty about myself...she never understood why I was always so weird on the topic. It ended up breaking us up because I was always grumpy feeling like she was going to leave me one day just because she thought she was "Better" cause she had lot's of school and a good job. Eventually I just became mean and grumpy all the time about it and she broke up with me. Feeling this way can lead to no where good and it doesn't matter if you guys are broken up or not. Be happy with the life you have and know if you want to change it you totally can...there is nothing holding anybody back from anything!!

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Thankyou so much for the responses.


I know that he isn't coming back. And I know he wasn't good for me at all. I've made no contact since the breakup. He was really mean to me, yet I still feel this way?


I've been working on myself, issues, gym etc..but still can't help but take this all very personally...

I think I'm more upset that I let somebody in my life like that, then leave and to still let them have impact on me today..It's been nearly 5 weeks so it is probably considered early days still, but I just feel so stupid and silly I feel like i've left all my power with him. I was so easily manipulated and I hate it.


One part feels defeated by this whole thing, yet the other part of me feels angry for dwelling on him. This situation is definitely crucial for knocking him off the pedestal and should be giving me a kick to focus on me and ONLY me...yet I just feel defeated by it.


This is obviously down to self-worth issues?

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I think you are right. You are mostly feeling so off kilter because you didn't have much stability to begin with, and he was sort of an anchor for you. Even if he was a jerk who doesn't deserve you, I think it's likely he probably had some feelings for you. I was helped myself when I stopped trying to vilify my ex (of course I think this has a place and time!) But after some time passes, I think it's less important that he was manipulative than that he didn't meet your needs or make you happy. I could be wrong since I don't know your story, but the main thing in all this is that it's just over. For now, it's just not going to happen, at least not on your terms.


Sometimes it helps to let everything out, no holds barred. It works for me...especially posting in the "Post Here Instead of Contacting Your Ex" thread. I posted in it for over a week, rehashing some of the stuff I had been thinking over and over again and now that it's all out there, it's not taking up space in my head. Don't be alarmed if there is a lot to work though, it'll cease eventually.

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