Laws don't help people like me.

[esrever]

So I've been having bouts of depression and I want counseling, but I looked at my local laws and now I know if I actually told them what I was thinking they'd be bound by law to report it. I just need a little help, I'm angry, depressed and I feel so hopeless. Like there's no way out without facing some consequences I don't deserve. My life is mine, I'll take it if I want. But I'd rather just live well.

 

I feel myself slipping though, been thinking about self-mutilation more than I should. I just can't help but think this isn't going to get any better and if I knew it really wasn't I wouldn't even be here, I'd be in the bathroom hanging myself next to the mirror.

 

It's like some nights I try to just not breathe. I'm almost out of time before I gotta leave so I'll just leave this here, try your best to get back to me.

[hexaemeron]

What has you feeling so bad?

[esrever]

I'm just tired of not having food in the fridge, I'm tired of being broke. I don't want to sleep on the floor anymore. I want to be real equals with my peers and not have them look at how I live and feel bad for me. I want a chance to be appreciated for a skill. Sometimes my childhood comes back on me and I realize there's no one I can really tell what things were like for me back then. I've had to be tough my entire life and I feel like I can't be strong anymore. I've survived an angry felon father. I lived in a warehouse used for ice storage when I was a kid, I've survived cancer and later went into hiding for a decade, when my mom left my dad (and yes, he nearly found us). I fled have way accross the United States and I have nothing to show for it. Just the pain all those things inevitably cause. How am I supposed to relate to people who grew up in a house, had a father and a mother?

 

I lived up to the expectations though, I always have. I haven't gone to school since 5th grade and I still took my GED at 16 and passed with flying colors. I even have my black belt. But none of these things are going to get me a job that is worth anything, it won't pay the bills and I don't see a future in it. That's what's making me so sad. Despite all I've overcome I have nothing to show for it, minus the scars. Sorry if I'm whining, it's not easy for me to tell people (even strangers) what's bugging me.

[chitown9]

Please tell me specifically where you are. I need the city and state if you are in the United States. If you are in another country, please tell me that. I will research resources for you . There is help for you in your community, but I need to know where your community is.....I really want to help you..

[Angel Irulan]

Yes, do that and PM me and I can get some info for you. I'm so sorry you're hurting right now, but it will pass if you get help.

 

Angel