Women have ridiculously high standards with online dating

[shy2cool]

You would think that eHarmony of all places would be a place where people aren't so superficial....

 

I sent a lovely, thoughtful message to a nice young woman whom I thought had a great profile and also was rather cute. I get rejected with no reasoning whatsoever. What is wrong with me? I am not hideously ugly - if anything, I'd rate her the same as me in terms of attractiveness levels.

 

It just pisses me off that I hear stories of women having bad experiences with 'dates' from these sites, yet won't even give a genuine guy like myself a chance.

[superfox]

You would think that eHarmony of all places would be a place where people aren't so superficial....

 

I sent a lovely, thoughtful message to a nice young woman whom I thought had a great profile and also was rather cute. I get rejected with no reasoning whatsoever. What is wrong with me? I am not hideously ugly - if anything, I'd rate her the same as me in terms of attractiveness levels.

 

It just pisses me off that I hear stories of women having bad experiences with 'dates' from these sites, yet won't even give a genuine guy like myself a chance.

Well count yourself lucky you found her real character before you had a date!

I had flu during my online time last year and was bored and merrily clicked through a rating thing. I gave one guy a '4' out of 5 (yeah, how shallow are these places) and got an abusive message back from him asking if I was taking the piss as i couldn't possibly be interested in someone like him. Go figure!

[In the Dark]

@shy2cool

You will find that just because someone appears to be nice as a person, this does not correlate to who they desire.

I know of men and women who are very nice people yet they seem to be attracted to the most obnoxious people.

 

@superfox

I wonder if that guy was trying to be modest?

[shy2cool]

The problem is that I hear that I am a 'great guy' in real life, yet nobody seems to even want to know me online.

[shy2cool]

@shy2cool

You will find that just because someone appears to be nice as a person, this does not correlate to who they desire.

I know of men and women who are very nice people yet they seem to be attracted to the most obnoxious people.

 

@superfox

I wonder if that guy was trying to be modest?

 

I only contacted her because she had all the qualities which I am looking for in a partner. It sucks to not even get a chance to show my true colours.

[In the Dark]

Sucks is understandable.

Who knows how long you have to try.

But then again who knows what she wants in a man.

Who knows maybe she doesn't want a great guy but a party animal.

I have also heard of people using dating sites as some sort of ego booster as well so maybe she is not really looking as much as you are.

 

I have never been the online dating type.

I see it has something missing in it personally.

Possibly I dislike the fact that the intentions of those sites are dating and the immediate intentions is dating and I just don't like jumping into knowing a person in that way I guess.

[superfox]

@superfox

I wonder if that guy was trying to be modest?

No, it was a longish message full of woe is me. He wasn't conventionally 'good' looking but had an interesting face. Pah, his loss.

 

Shy2cool, she didn't have all the qualities you are looking for, ignoring people isn't a quality.

[Daligal83]

shy2cool, it's hard to know what other people are looking for. I've definitely been sent messages where a particular quality stood out as something I'm not interested in. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy, but just not right for me. You have to remind yourself that all she knows of your is your profile and that one message. She doesn't know you as a person so she isn't rejecting you as a person. And the ignoring thing seems to be part of the online dating culture. I send out messages to guys and frequently don't get anything back. I'm on match now and I've had one guy click the 'No thanks" button instead of just saying nothing. Try not to take it to personally.

[Stay_home]

The more superficial and selective that a person is, the harder it gets.

[somethngwrng]

TBH my experience with online dating is a lot of women put unattainable standards and expectations on who they are going to meet. Which is why a lot of women on these sites have been using them for years with no success. Women get a LOT of attention on these sites, even women who are "average". The massive ego boost they must get from all the attention naturally boosts their expectations of what they can get out of the site.

 

I make an average to slightly above average wage. I take care of my appearance. I have an average sized package, average height.. etc. I'm average in almost every sense of the word. Hence, I think online dating is just not for me. I have met and dated much prettier/nicer girls offline than I can even get to respond to me online.

 

That being said, I have met women from these sites and they have been nice people. Just nothing has ever come of the few meetings I have managed to get out of them.

[ut804]

well, if I'm looking through 1000 men on my search results, why would I message unattractive guys? I mean it's only natural to try to go after the best. It's like when you go shopping and you see a shirt you like. Let's say they have 10 of the same shirts in stock. You are going to make sure that the one you pick out has no imperfections like the others may have. I think its just natural. we all want the best of the best, even though maybe we aren't the best. We can't help who we are attracted to.

 

Also, men have high standards too! Most of them want a woman with big boobs, perfect hair, great body, etc. You can't just blame women when men also have their standards.

 

The bottom line is, when you are presented with 1000s of matches, it's easy for people to get picky.

[In the Dark]

I believe there is corruption in dating sites.

The attractive women and average looking women are getting a enough or more than enough amount of replies.

The attractive men with credentials are getting some replies and are getting accepted first.

 

So these women are choosing the best men based on look and credentials for sure.

And these men have a lot to choose from.

While attractive Joe Blogs has to just get lucky.

This means the Attractive man is more likely to behave in a manner he want to without being worried about whether the woman who has chosen him is going to choose someone else.

So more heartache for the attractive woman, while the attractive man gets to go around with the confidence that he is indeed going to find someone else without less appreciation.

 

Eh...too much hassle for me.

[In the Dark]

^^At the end of the day it is the way you say it.

It's just the way it goes in most cases whether someone says personality is the most important or not.

 

Who knows maybe even personality can seriously lack or annoying traits can be overlooked based on how attracted one sees another.

[WhenWillILove]

Well, if you went to the store to go shopping, what would you look at first, the filet mignon or the chuck steak? It's just human nature. I like tall guys who are educated. What's the matter with that? I have standards. Their package can be whatever and I don't care so much about looks, but I love a tall man with a degree, or several degrees. I have that, why shouldn't he?

 

What if he's a Mark Zuckerberg? Beats a tall man with a degree any day of the week, just sayin'.

[WhenWillILove]

You would think that eHarmony of all places would be a place where people aren't so superficial....

 

I sent a lovely, thoughtful message to a nice young woman whom I thought had a great profile and also was rather cute. I get rejected with no reasoning whatsoever. What is wrong with me? I am not hideously ugly - if anything, I'd rate her the same as me in terms of attractiveness levels.

 

It just pisses me off that I hear stories of women having bad experiences with 'dates' from these sites, yet won't even give a genuine guy like myself a chance.

 

Don't take it to heart. I've had guys NOT reply back to me, and that was in the several. A woman can not reply back for several reasons. If she's bombarded with messages daily, trust me, you better write a very catchy message to get her attention. But sometimes, looks play a role. It's very complicated and I wouldn't suggest trying to find out what went wrong with each girl you messaged.

[WhenWillILove]

Yeah at the end of the day people are going to judge you on your looks because that's what we do.

 

All you need is a hot picture, string a few catchy sentences together and bingo you've got the makings for a date.

 

It doesn't matter what anyone writes in their profile, how many times have you read this "No picture, no reply".

 

So it's all about what you look like really.

 

Yes, and no. Because let's say you're a 'hot' girl but is just waitressing as far as career choice, and you're looking for Mr. Big Bucks...Well, that creates a problem...or does it? Maybe men are in it just for the looks. Ah, men

[Jetta]

Funny my expectations don't fall into your categories at all. Though the men I have dated have been of reasonable height, I am 5'4" though so even 5'8" is fine, but most lie and say 5'8" when they're 5'6" and I cannot date someone of that height because of how it makes me feel. Though I have dated men of that height that's how I discovered it made me feel less womanly. Plus they often have complexes and I just don't need it, I come from tall people so can't really relate.

 

As far as a degree, well I have one but if they're successful without one I don't hold it against them. My main thing is race, I prefer my own, though I have dated outside of it and problems arise so I'm choosing to stick with it from here on out. I'm currently dating a guy with thinning hair, he mentioned it to me, I told him it's about the person not the hair line but of course I'd prefer if a guy had a full head of hair, I'm sure the guy would too. I'm not perfect so I don't expect the men to be.