Women have ridiculously high standards with online dating

[TakingtheBlame]

This is kind of funny to me because back when I was doing online dating, I had a very witty, well-written profile which attracted less messages from guys than you'd think (and believe it or not I'm actually a reasonably attractive girl to boot so pictures weren't to blame.) I asked a few friends (male and female) if they saw anything wrong with my profile and they said it wasn't simple enough!

 

Sometimes you just can't win.

[thejigsup]

Well, I am tall, good looking, very educated and intelligent, and great in bed. Why should I not ask for the same? I will let looks slide, they are superficial, but I want a man up with current events and with a razor sharp wit. I also want him to highly motivated and ambitious, as I am. Am I asking too much? No. I have mostly gotten this type of man with online dating. Don't tell me you send winks to the fat girl with pimples, I won't believe you. You are mad because the beautiful, thin, women are ignoring you. Go for the plain girl, she will most likely write you back and you may find the most wonderful partner from that. Unless, of course, you won't lower your standards online.

[WindowTo]

Well, I am tall, good looking, very educated and intelligent, and great in bed.

Than this post was not for you. My point about the narcissistic/everybody wants the best for themselves thing was that as people try to live beyond their means, so they attempt to fish beyond their bait.

[Tanzi]

And I was equally amused at how men like to "big" themselves up with extremely pretentious profiles ... blah blah blah, I read, I ski, I surf, I sail, I swim, I run, I go to the gym 20 x a week, I parachute, I bungee jump, I have an insufferable amount of friends because I am so popular and I am out 7 nights a week but, if I do have some spare time in my amazing life, I love to write poetry!! You get the idea? ;-)

 

I found that most men try TOO hard to be something they aren't and it stands out a mile which can be equally off-putting. All you can be is yourself, if there is nothing off-putting then the only way to really find out what someone is really like is to meet them and spend "real" time with them. You can't really tell someone's true personality from a few lines on a dating profile.

[testcase]

Every time there's a thread like this or somebody has messaged a thousand girls and hasn't gotten any dates I wish they'd be able to read something like this and come to the realization it's them. Their profile sucks, their messages suck, their pictures suck, their attitude sucks... something about the way they're operating in the confines of online dating... sucks. Maybe it's one thing, maybe it's a bunch of things. The problem is something with the way they're doing things because ANYONE if they are smooth and fun with the messages, have a good attitude, and their good at getting a girl interested can get a date.

[Daligal83]

Of course everyone looks for someone they are attracted to and has their act together. But a well thought out email matters more. I've emailed with guys who obviously have read nothing in my profile, don't ask my any questions, and/or answer my questions and say nothing else (even though they initiated the interaction). I'm going to communicate with someone who can hold a conversation and if you can't, I don't care how attractive you are. I've also talked with guys I wasn't really sure about because their ability to write an email made them stand out.

[annie24]

Almost all of them expect a guy to be 6', well educated, high paying job, great shape, nice hair, and a decent sized package. Whats the world coming to?

 

I bet you are expecting a woman to be hot, toned, fit, great hair, good cook and hot in the sack.

[FathomFear]

Almost all of them expect a guy to be 6', well educated, high paying job, great shape, nice hair, and a decent sized package. Whats the world coming to?

 

Well, generally speaking people try to aim high. In reality most people settle to one degree or another. Dating profiles tend to be about ideals, which is why most people list "attractive, smart, funny, great job" as "wants", even though in reality they likely won't find someone who has everything.

[annie24]

Well, generally speaking people try to aim high. In reality most people settle to one degree or another. Dating profiles tend to be about ideals, which is why most people list "attractive, smart, funny, great job" as "wants", even though in reality they likely won't find someone who has everything.

 

I agree. Go to the mall and look at the couples holding hands. They don't all look like Brad and Angelina!

[WindowTo]

Lol yea that sounds pretty annoying.

[Blue Spiral]

So you don't want a beautiful, intelligent woman with a good job and nice boobs?

 

I'd "settle" for two out of four! (I'll let you guess which two.)

 

I've always used the online method of meeting women, but let's be honest, it's an uphill battle. If you get replies from ten percent of the women you contact, you're doing spectacularly good. Women are in more of a position to make demands, as well. I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that say "No men under six feet," "No men with babymamas" (when the woman in question has kids and is obviously single), "Black men only," "White men only," "College grad with no debt only", etc. And the demands/requirements are in angry all-caps, with occasional profanity expressing rage at the inferior souls that have dared to gaze upon her.

 

I can't say I look at guys' profiles, but I haven't heard of any that demand a minimum cup size, sex within a certain number of dates, etc. Sadly, we can't get away with it.

[Mercurial Girl]

I can't tell you how many profiles I've seen that say "No men under six feet," "No men with babymamas" (when the woman in question has kids and is obviously single), "Black men only," "White men only," "College grad with no debt only", etc. And the demands/requirements are in angry all-caps, with occasional profanity expressing rage at the inferior souls that have dared to gaze upon her.

 

baahaahah!! Classy! I wouldn't send anyone a message if they had that in their profile, would assume I deserve better.

[Blue Spiral]

baahaahah!! Classy! I wouldn't send anyone a message if they had that in their profile, would assume I deserve better.

 

It's the wild west out there. Women using the b-word to describe themselves, the Marilyn Monroe quote about "If you can't handle me at my worst" (red alert!) and other statements proudly proclaiming a propensity for drama, and the classic "I'm a priority, not an option" (anyone that says that is advertising that they've been tricked into being an option, and can thus be tricked again; ladies, please stop using it for your own safety).

[annie24]

It's the wild west out there. Women using the b-word to describe themselves, the Marilyn Monroe quote about "If you can't handle me at my worst" (red alert!) and other statements proudly proclaiming a propensity for drama, and the classic "I'm a priority, not an option" (anyone that says that is advertising that they've been tricked into being an option, and can thus be tricked again; ladies, please stop using it for your own safety).

 

I agree!!!!

 

I also feel that way about guys who say in their profile, "I'm a nice guy who knows how to treat a girl right." Which makes me think they don't.

[Sambuca]

I don't think anyone has a problem if women with decent careers expect a man to have one too - this goes for other things too. If she has good qualities it's perfectly ok to expect a partner with equally good qualities (not necessarily the same qualities, but qualities at least of equal value). Realistically everyone looks for someone they consider to be their equal in one way or another; nobody wants to date beneath themselves.

 

The problem arises when women seem to want men who are much more desirable than themselves. If a short, unfit woman with no education still wants a tall, fit man with a college degree, and if she refuses to date her male equivalent (a short, unfit man who didn't go to college), then something is wrong. It's reasonable for the most desirable women to expect to date the most desirable men. It's unreasonable for ALL women to expect to date the most desirable men (and to ignore the rest).

 

Plus I think online dating isn't realistic anyway, because people don't consider their own attractiveness when selecting a mate. In the real world, attraction is a two way process - but online, it's a one way process and your own attractiveness isn't considered. Think of it like this: if you're shown two products and one is better but costs more, you assess how much money you have and choose the one you can afford. Online dating is the same, but attractiveness is the currency and there are no prices in the catalog. If you're shown two products side by side and they're the same price (or have no price), you're bound to pick the best one, aren't you?

[DylanNotorious]

Yeah at the end of the day people are going to judge you on your looks because that's what we do.

 

All you need is a hot picture, string a few catchy sentences together and bingo you've got the makings for a date.

 

It doesn't matter what anyone writes in their profile, how many times have you read this "No picture, no reply".

 

So it's all about what you look like really.

[Sambuca]

When I did online dating, I also had a "no picture, no reply" policy. But I'm not completely shallow about looks, and would happily date a guy who was fairly average looking. There are numerous reasons for wanting a picture:

 

1) I want to be as sure as I can be that the person I'm talking to is actually the person who comes on the date.

 

2) I want to check that he's genuinely a guy of roughly my age, not some old guy who lied about his age, or someone with a fake profile.

 

3) I want to rule out the people I'm genuinely not attracted to so I don't waste my time.

 

My standards for being attracted to a guy aren't ridiculously high, but nevertheless there are still some guys who aren't my type. A personality match means nothing if I'm turned off by his looks. So yeah, I want to see a picture so I can rule out the unattractive guys, but that doesn't mean you have to be really handsome to get past my filters - just non-hideous.

[Tanzi]

The thing is, it isn't easy trying to say something about yourself in just a few sentences. How many of you (those on dating sites that is) have stared at a blank screen not knowing where to start? You don't want to be too over-the-top and pretentious yet you dont want to come accross as boring. You don't want be too obvious and clichéd yet you want to come accross as witty (God knows how many times I read "oh and I have all my own teath!!" *yawn*). At the end of the day, I don't think it matters too much what those few lines say. You can't possibly put your true self accross in just a few short well-worded sentences and thought-out words. That's not the true person. How you intereact with each other, through emails initinially and maybe in person later, is what will tell you whether you are compatible with someone or not. As far as dating sites work, the way someone looks will always be what then draw us to that persons profile.

 

So, we like to set standards. Its hard not too when you have to programme them into a computer but that doesn't mean to say we never step outside of the box. When we imagine the man of our dreams walking into our life (as we do we ARE going to imagine a Brad Pitt lookalike (or Megan Fox for the men) yet, in reality, the person that will eventually sweep us of our feet is unlikely to resemble them in any way or even come close in the looks department. Having said that I met my bf online and, I have to say, he is super hot ;-). He is a lot younger than me though and, regardles of looks, I thought it a complete no-go area at first. It was most deinitely our interaction that drew me further too him.

 

The first guy I ever dated from a dating site, however, wasn't particularly good-looking yet there was something about his picture ... his smile, I think. His eyes were smiling too. He seemed a genuine and happy person. He was a happy person, in all honestly, but I'm not sure he was entirely genuine lol. Anyway I can't even remember what his profile said to be honest. That says it all really.

[annie24]

It doesn't matter what anyone writes in their profile, how many times have you read this "No picture, no reply".

 

So it's all about what you look like really.

 

I was also concerned that if a man didn't have his photo up, he was already in a relationship.

[Tanzi]

I was also concerned that if a man didn't have his photo up, he was already in a relationship.

 

As I have since found out. Though, to be fair, he did have one photo up (it wasn't totally clear and he wouldn't send me anymore although he requested some from me) but no-one would have recognised him because it was so obviously 15-20 years out of date!!! His profile said he was tall, athletic and he had dark hair. In reality he was short, fat and had white hair! Not only did he not look like his picture, he was also married.

[Blue Spiral]

I've done pretty well with online stuff, considering that I've never used a picture.

[Fudgie]

I too had the "no pic, no reply" bit. Not because I care too much about looks but because having a pic sort of "verified" things a little more for me. If he didnt' have a pic up, I'd be concerned that he was in a relationship and looking for some "discreet" affair.

[banal]

I never would message a woman without a picture. I'm sorry, but the most important part of any relationship is attraction. There's no way around it. That doesn't make you superficial to admit it. It's not to say that you're only willing to date 10/10 level partners, but it is to say that you need to be attracted physically to the person in the photograph.

 

Photographs mean A LOT. I've experimented with fake profiles and women DO message men if the picture is good. The photo I used of my friend for a fake profile - he's not a drop-dead gorgeous model, but he is attractive, tall, thin, dressed well, and smiling. He got way more messages than I ever would've assumed (of course, far fewer women still message than men). I also made his profile sparse and fairly uninteresting - I didn't want to make him "perfect"; I only wanted to make him decent with a great set of photographs.

[RitaTrue]

So you don't want a beautiful, intelligent woman with a good job and nice boobs?

 

LOL. Repped.

[lalalollipops]

Attraction isn't the most important. I think a connection is the main thing.

Looks are not going to get them anywhere with me, bc personality and intelligence DOES matter much more. And this is seriously what I've gathered, based on past experiences. I've gone out with good looking people before, and they've bored me silly. What can I say? Somebody super witty and interesting beats a hot face any day.

 

I need an intelligent person bc I NEED mental stimulation. I need them to be ambitious and are going places NOT bc I'm a gold digger, but bc I need sb who's always striving for better things, changing and maturing themselves, and it indicates they're go getters who possess determination and hard work ethic.

 

Somebody who is fit and goes to the gym shows they take pride in their appearance and makes an effort to keep themselves well presented.

 

Nothing wrong with those things.

 

Height isn't a biggy. But since I'm quite tall, I want a guy who's taller, nothing wrong with that.

 

Girls are still much less shallow than guys. Guys can deny this, but just look around society... It's blatantly obvious.