how do i break up with my girlfriend of 2 years?

[Jesse1993]

hey everyone i'm new here i'm 18 years old and i've been in a relationship for about 2 years (1 month from our 2year) anyway i've been so down and depressed this week because of her. she has a bestfriend she flrits and talks to probably more than me shes not the same girl she was i really really don't want this to be the last resort where i have to break up with her but i've been in many fights with her about it and i finally got to the point where i told her to choose him or me, well she didnt choose me so she pretty much chose him but i've always been the coward in the relationship i always back down i always give in but this past week i finally after almost 2 years added my girlfriend on facebook which was a huge mistake since that its all been going down hill for some reason. and i'm the one in the relationship that is always sad i've never done anything to her like she's done to me i want to work around it and stay with her if she would get rid of her "best friend" our relationship would be fine but she wont i know she wont so i guess its me that will end up leaving i know ill probably be even more depressed once shes gone but i gotta get this weight off my shoulders so how should i break it too her? should i warn her and be like "well..i dont think were gonna last any longer" and not say it directly to see if we can work it out or should i just straight up be like were done? any advice would be great thanks guys

[WindowTo]

Dude, let me help you here. I don't want you to break up with this girl in a way that gives her the excuse to say that you broke up because of your insecurities. If you go forward the way you are planning she is going to feel justified in pinning that on you even though (as far as I can tell) it is unfair. You are both young, and this sort of relationship dynamic is not uncommon (one person has extremely flexible boundaries and expects you to accept them despite all of your instincts and basic reasoning). The first thing I want you to do is simply accept the way she is. She might learn what it is that she is doing in the future, but that doesn't mean she will look back with regret. That is not what is important. Just accept that she sees nothing wrong with bending the rules of romance. When you talk to her all she probably hears is: I am jealous, I am trying to control you, I am needy. Are the things she is doing to you, things you would ever consider doing to her? No? Then maybe that should be what you point out as a point of contention when you dump her (and dump her you should). What are your values for a relationship that she is breaking? Do they seem unrealistic to you or the people you know? Food for thought and whatnot.

[Jesse1993]

thank you for the reply, i try to be the best i can before she started dating me she dated a guy who controlled her relationship so bad but i helped her out of that situation and she fell for me i don't believe i controll her in anyway i let her do whatever she wants to do freely whenever she wants to but i also do have my boundaries i think there should always be boundaries to a relationship she sits there and says i love you to this guy right in front of my eyes they always talk about how they talk on the phone and when i ask her to change what shes doing for the better she denys that. thanks for the input sometime's it just doesn't work out as much as she tells me that theres nothing between her and this guy and that all she cares for is me i find that hard to believe

[MK9]

actions speak louder than words. If she said one things and do something else then she's untrustworthy. It seems like you granted her too much power, thus she can do whatever she wants. Your relationship is doom. Time to protest, tell her how you feel. If she doesn't understand or compromise, then bail out.

[Glowguy]

she sits there and says i love you to this guy right in front of my eyes

 

This sums it up right here. No woman worth her salt would do something like this to their partner in a committed relationship. She has absolutely no respect for you or the relationship. You don't have to put up with it.

[Jesse1993]

i try but i guess i've gotten to controlled by her i guess you could say? i remember in a previous argument she was telling how i make her feel as if i dont let her do anything, which i never directly said that but i come off that way i suppose which i don't mean too if i actually do she was saying how she feels she would have to delete her facebook just to make me happy which i've never even complained about she doesnt seem to get it through her thick skull that the problem is this friend, you should see the comments on her pictures this kid is like "oh my god your so beautiful I love you so much puddin! -hugs-" (thats her nickname that this kid gave her) and then below that itll be like "I love you too Jello very much!" (thats the nickname my gf gave him) and so id try to be mr sweet guy to see how it work and i would say sweet things to her tell her how much i love her and how much she means to me and all i get is a simple "aww i just find it too weird, shes texting me now i told her i was upset i don't know what i should say i told her "ive been getting a weird vibe" not directly saying it was from her and she said "what do you mean?" i don't know how i should respond

 

btw thanks for all the support guys, it honestly means a lot i tried posting on another site meant for relationships but they decided to troll me instead of helping whatsoever thanks for all your guy's responses

[Cloud9riddim]

Jesse - I feel your pain...absolutely. Because she isn't fulfilling your needs, you are grasping for some sort of affection/validation from her. This is not healthy at all. I honestly think you should ABSOLUTELY break up with her, no matter how hard it will be. It'll truly be for the best. You are only 18 years old and you seem like a geniune young man who deserves a lot better.

 

I would just tell her that you think it's best to part ways because you aren't getting what you need from the relationship. Be honest. I think you should worry about yourself as opposed to how you are going to break it down to her.

[MK9]

It's natural that we as human beings want predictability. We don't like things that are random, things that confuse us. And she's not giving you that, instead she stir up insecurities. For instance, if we work for a Boss, we expected to be paid every month or when he say he's going to pay us. If he pay us whenever he wants or doing it unpredictably then that worries us. Same things in a love relationship, when you take someone out and buy her dinner, be there for her. You expect that she will be your girlfriend exclusively. If she go out with another guy or flirt with another man, then that stir up uncertainties/insecurities. We want things to be predictable.

 

This relationship is going to hurt you a lot because like Cloud9 said, she's not fulfilling your needs as a human being. She is being unpredictable and putting doubts in your mind. This doubt is poisonous and will stir up further insecurities, as a result you will over analyzing the situation, feel unloved, and other negative emotions. This feelings is going to eat you away, unless she change. If you can't handle it, then it is best you break up.

[Jesse1993]

thanks Cloud9riddim, i don't believe that i deserve to be treated the way i do either (not trying to be selfish) but ive done everything i can to make this girl happy but she seems to be happier with someone else, which i've explained to her before "maybe you should try and find someone else that will make you happier than i do" but she always denied and said i was the only one that made her happy but now it doesn't feel that way i feel the only way i can be happy is if i leave her or she gets rid of this dude i'm going to talk to her about it now we'll see what happens thanks for all the support guys

[Cloud9riddim]

Jesse - talk is cheap. I'm all about action. If she wants the relationship, at this point, she better PROVE it.

[Jesse1993]

well i talked to her, i got a lot off my chest told her pretty much everything i was feeling and how i would never trust her with a guy like that in her life unless she finds a way to prove to me that there is nothing there i honestly gave her a solid chance to prove to me i told her i have my boundaries in a relationship and you cross i know your still young and you want to be social with guys so if thats what you want then let me know and i will let that happen for you she said she doesnt want that blahblahblah but then in the end i sit here trying to give her a chance and now she stopped talking to me like she always does like * * * im trying to sort it out with her before i end it and she ignores me completely. sad part is she does this EVERY time because she knows i will come crying back to her telling her how im sorry and its my fault. i hope i'm strong enough this time not to :s

[Cloud9riddim]

Jesse - You need flat out tell her, that the relationship can no longer continue because of the neglect you feel. I feel like she thinks things are still up in the air.

 

She sounds so much like my ex. Each time we had an argument, she would refuse to talk about it. I think you need someone who's a communicator. It's clear you guys handle emotions extremely differently.

[Jesse1993]

yea we do, its kind of a bummer the only time shes had a reason to get mad at me is because i got high and ended up having a bad trip so i told her because i needed someones comfort because i wanted to go to the hospital i was so freaked out (i deal with anxiety) but instead of helping me she ignored me and i sat there begging for hours for her to text me back gah now that i look back at it even with all the good times we had she still always seemed to put me down. she did help me with my anxiety problems but now i feel like she just increases it anyway she decided to text me back after like 5 hours sigh shes really holding onto this friendship with this other guy texting me saying "well i have no idea what to say to you or what to do" if she really didnt care about this other guy like she says you'd think she would atleast be like "hey we need to change the way we talk to each other ive come to find out its hurting my relationship" man i would praise the lord if i heard something like that come out of her mouth

 

thanks for the company cloud9riddim i know i probably tend to get annoying though so if i annoy you feel free to not reply that's alright i know i go on and on and on when in reality i should of just dumped her and moved on with my life a year and a half ago when all this started but i'm still here and sadly now im scared to leave.

[Glowguy]

This seems like the same old song and dance to me. It's pretty clear what needs to happen here, but instead she gives you complete wishy-washy nonsense about not knowing what to do. Dude, she knows EXACTLY what to do. She just doesn't want to do it. It's very common with young people so don't beat yourself up. Do yourself a favor and put an end to this. Otherwise you're in for years of continued anxiety and unhappiness. I think you gave it your best shot, but you have to put your foot down at some point.