How do I get my date to open the car door for me?

[Blue Spiral]

Who gets to decide what manners are, and are we allowed to update them, based on recent social changes? I think that all single and attractive women should be obliged to smooch me, and the fact that they don't is a sign that they weren't raised well. Because, obviously, "manners" = "special treatment." I'd rather live in a world where manners instead focused on basic civility, instead of fairy-tale stuff.

[greywolf]

I think it's perfectly acceptable for people to have whatever preference they want in a relationship. If a woman wants a man who is traditional and opens doors for her, then she can find a guy that feels the same, and I see no problem with that. Everyone is happy. But to criticize others who do not feel the same and say that they have no manners, were not raised well, or have no respect for women is not fair; just as it isn't fair for someone to say that a woman who wants these things is a 'princess.' IMO, the only time it is really princess-like is when a woman expects these things from a man who does not feel the same way.

[ApocalypseDreams]

I open doors for everyone, male or female. The idea of someone opening a car door for you is kinda silly. I mean, you just sitting there while he goes around the front of the car to open the door for you? Even if I was the queen I'd find that awkward.

 

I think it's pretty unfair to expect this from a man these days. Not because of the whole 'well if you want equality' argument but just of the fact that amongst women there is a range of thought. One woman finds it totally offensive if you do and another will think you are poorly raised if you don't. Then there is all shades in between.

 

Without the ability to read minds how can a guy really win?

[lavenderdove]

Wow, just wow!! It makes me sad to read these kinds of threads because it shows that some women still think that these kinds of 'rituals' like door opening make for a good guy or a good relationship when they are so trivial in the greater scheme of things.

 

You're not a delicate flower nor a child, so having the expectation that a guy SHOULD leap up and run around the car while you sit there like an incapacitatied lump is really archaic. Of course it is nice to have manners and hold a door for someone if you reach it first so it doesn't smack them in the face, but this kind of 'princess' car door opening behavior usually bodes very poorly as an expectation that having someone open a door means he is 'treating you right'.

 

So what are you going to do if he's not around and you need to drive your car somewhere? Stand there until some random big strong man opens the door for you so you can climb in? Or refuse to get a driver's license and expect to get driven everywhere like a child? Really, when does it stop and you draw the line at this kind of princess behavior?

 

Now a guy could flip this and say, OK, if i open the door for you, that means you should cook all the meals, do all the housecleaning, wash my clothes and wait on me all night long while i sit on the couch and drink beers, which you fetch for me from the kitchen like a maid because that is the traditional role women have in the same way opening doors is a traditional role men have had.

 

I can promise that the same woman in today's world who demands door opening would also balk at being a guy's full time maid because what she wants is to hang onto the archaic traditions that benefit herself, while jettisoning those that don't suit her purposes.

[magnoliatree]

OP, the car door issue is a non-issue. But I find it bizarre that whether he opens the car door takes up 90% of your post while the more important (to most people) issue, that he texts and doesn't call just gets a throwaway mention. Perhaps if you focused on communication in your relationship, you'd be happier overall.

[DN]

OP, the car door issue is a non-issue. But I find it bizarre that whether he opens the car door takes up 90% of your post while the more important (to most people) issue, that he texts and doesn't call just gets a throwaway mention. Perhaps if you focused on communication in your relationship, you'd be happier overall.

This is true but since the car thing was the title of the thread that she chose it would seem likely this is the most important thing to the OP.

[magnoliatree]

This is true but since the car thing was the title of the thread that she chose it would seem likely this is the most important thing to the OP.

 

Lol thanks, I know. My point was that maybe she's focusing on the wrong things - focusing on whether a guy opens a car door (when most guys do NOT do this) and not other things that are more indicative of compatibility (communication, texting, calling, etc...). Especially when the other thing (communication) would be necessary for her to resolve the car door "problem" and more necessary for a functioning relationship.

[EmmaB78]

Wait - I don't think the OP said she wants to sit in the car while he runs around to open it. I thought the door opening she was talking about was when she got INTO the car, which is much less weird (though for reasons I already stated, I'm still not a fan).

[lavenderdove]

To follow the traditional 'door opening' thing, a woman never opened a car or building door by herself. He opened the door for her to get into it, and she sat in the car and waited for him to run around and open the door to get out of it too. And if she got to the building door first, she just stood there and waited for him to open it. That was the traditional etiquette on door opening.

 

The reason for the car door opening was to 'assist' her getting out of the car. Open the door, offer her his hand to hold while she sat down or to pull her up out of the car... It is a holdover from the horse and carriage days when women wore cumbersome skirts and there was usually a large distance between the bottom of the carriage and the road, too big for her to negotiate by herself and still manage her skirts, with the distance from the bottom of the carriage to the road much like one would have for a monster truck such that the person basically had to jump out and down 4-5 feet and needed help climbing up into it it is so high off the ground. If you've ever seen a traditional wagon/carriage that people rode in, you'd understand why women needed assistance getting in and out of them in long full skirts. No way can you step up 4-5 feet on your own holding a skirt. Men traditionally climbed up into the wagon, then basically leaned over and hauled the woman into it by her hands!

 

Roads also used to be quite muddy, and in some cases women were picked up by the waist and swung around over the mud to set them down on the stoop so they didn't get their skirts muddy in the road. So it was a practical necessisty in the days of horse and carriage and muddy roads, but no longer!

 

So that is the origin of the tradition, which truthfully doesn't apply anymore, in terms of dress, the height of cars, or muddy streets since streets are now paved or gravelled.

[SometimesShy]

...Hey, if she is traditional, does not believe in women's equality, and would be happy staying home making babies for her man, then why not have him open the door for her?

[Ariel85]

I think it's a really sad societal commentary that the notion of a guy opening a car door for a woman sparks cries of submission, inequality, etc., and devolves into a conversation about how men shouldn't *have* to do these things, and women *shouldn't* expect it.

 

Are we really this removed from class, manners, good breeding and simple dating etiquette that people are this defensive and this tweaked at the thought of a man opening a friggin car door? Seriously? It's pathetic.

[Alezia]

There seems to be three different opinions about the subject on this thread:

 

1. Guys should always open doors, it is expected.

2. If the guy or the girl opens the door, it is nice, but not expected.

3. Girls or guys should never open a door for one another because 'we are equals'.

[In the Dark]

Now I picture seeing a guy opening up a car door for a female, I think "oh man this guy is owned."

 

If the female is pregnant or has difficulty opening the car door for some health reason I can completely understand.

 

My suggestion earlier on in the post was meant as a joke but may also may work in the short term.

Because in then end once he opens the door and finds the car door is actually working fine for him, he will start asking questions about the strange behavior every time she does it.

So he will never open up the door because he wants to but because he knows that you like him to.

But who knows, this maybe enough motivation for the guy in question to continue doing so.

 

I personally would would think it is strange behavior for a female to expect me to open the car door for her when the door handle is practically next to her hand.

[greywolf]

The worst is when you get to a door first and hold the door open so that the guy next to you can pass through first (because by opening the door he's already in front of you anyway) and instead of passing through, he holds the door open and expects you to walk underneath his arm so that you can pass through first. I hate that.

[NowandZen]

Roads also used to be quite muddy, and in some cases women were picked up by the waist and swung around over the mud to set them down on the stoop so they didn't get their skirts muddy in the road. So it was a practical necessisty in the days of horse and carriage and muddy roads, but no longer!

 

So that is the origin of the tradition, which truthfully doesn't apply anymore, in terms of dress, the height of cars, or muddy streets since streets are now paved or gravelled.

 

Perhaps Brittany Spears could have used some of that assistance.

[Dusk1983]

Sure, honey, I'll open these doors for you... and now you're my property.

[hexaemeron]

I_S_J said everything I would have, and did so with much more humor and far less bile than my response would have contained.

[giubilante]

Opening a car door for a lady is actually a rather 'old-school' nicety, and one that your guy may not be familiar with. If you happen to notice any other couples exiting their cars at the same time as yourself, and the man opens the door for the woman, say "You know, I love when the man opens the car door for the woman. It's so sweet and considerate" or a few dates down the road, you might happen to start talking about a friend's new guy, and how nice and hot he was, and how they worked so well together. You know, with him opening doors for her, buying her flowers, etc, etc.

 

If you're not too in your face about it (read: not demanding), but clear, your guy will probably appreciate the advice. They frequently like to know how to please their girlfriends and make them happy, so you're doing them a favour. Also, remember that your guy will have to exit his own side of the car, walk around the car to yours, and open the door. Make sure you give him enough time to do this without having the door open yourself already! Search around in your purse for your lip chap, or something of the like. Then, when he HAS done it the first time, compliment him and let him know his doing so is appreciated (and attractive)

[Oneironaut]

Ah, well, if the OP meant him opening the door -as they approach the car-, that's a different story. Heck, if I have the keys, and we're approaching the car, I'll go up and unlock the door for him first, it's just a common courtesy.

 

I thought she meant sitting in the car waiting for him to get out, walk around the car, and open her door. I stand by my statement that a woman who does that has a princess mentality, but if that's not what the OP meant, then I apologize for misunderstanding.

[Kmartinrd]

Hold to his hand tightly as you walk to your side of the car. Indicate your appreciation for his gentlemanliness. If it is not organic, you will both know. 

[1a1a]

On 8/14/2011 at 2:22 AM, DeviousOne said:

For a guy to do that....He just has to naturally has to do it... Hinting it would be pointless and make him feel forced.

 

Chivalry is dead and women killed it

 

The "Jerks" You said that did to it fall into one of two categories control freak or player that he knows women notice those little things and like it.

 

Comes natural to me since i grew up seeing my dad to that for my mom.

Chivalry lives and women now also extend it to men.

[Kmartinrd]

I think automatic door locks have taken its toll on most men assisting you in the car before them. If you think of it, in the past, an unaided woman would be left to stand while the man got in and pulled her lock. This was obviously not polite, however, many men seem to think that getting in at the same time meets minimum criteria. In my older dating life, I did find that holding hands and leading him to my side of the car worked for the entry into the car, coupled with praise for the chivalrous act. 
I don’t feel I need to wait to be assisted out of the car. I am now with a man that does this naturally and sweetly, along with standing any time I enter or lead a dining table. He’s a keeper!

[boltnrun]

Another zombie thread lol.

[LaHermes]

Indeed Bolt. 12 years have elapsed.

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, Kmartinrd said:

In my older dating life, I did find that holding hands and leading him to my side of the car worked for the entry into the car, coupled with praise for the chivalrous act.

Wow, that is so interesting to me.... I never would have thought of this.

When I was a young girl, and probably until I was in my mid-20s, I hated the idea of a guy opening the door for me.

I don't know when that hatred calmed down to indifference, but it eventually did. I wouldn't care so much now, either way.

It's just when I was younger, it made me so mad. Like, No thank you, I can do that myself. Or: I don't owe you anything. Go away. You're not gonna win me with a door, buddy.

I read a haiku a few years ago that captured some of my sentiments on the issue:

My macho boyfriend

Runs to open my car door.

Are my arms broken?