Ummmm, oops :cX

[Point5]

So I will admit that I joined this site to learn from other people and gain new perspectives. And tbh, I love this site.

But I didn't think I would share anything going on in my relationship.

Basically, I have been with him since February of 2010. We broke up in August of 2010, and got back together October 2010. After we broke up the first time, he texts me and he wants to be friends. I said Ok mainly out of pity. So we're friends and I'm the only person he has to do things with, but now that we're not together, I have a multitude of people I can do things with. So he would get hurt if I had plans or had already done something he wanted to do.

Anyways, I tell him about the new guy I'm seeing and his response is "Well that means we can't be friends anymore. So good luck with him. Goodbye."

And I thought that was that.

The next day I get a text asking to meet me for dinner, it was very important. I said ok but only because my previous plans had fell through.

We got to the place, and he's going on and on and on about how when he woke up that morning, the thought of someone else kissing me made him sick to his stomach. And now he's so willing to be a good boyfriend and to please consider getting back together with him.

I said ok, I'll let you know in a week.

A week goes by, and he said, I have a surprise for you. He took me to the Universal Studios Halloween VIP Tour. I wanted to do it really bad and he forked out the $180 per person cost to take me. I told him wow thats a lot to spend on someone without knowing an answer. And he said, "Well even if it doesnt work, I want us to stay friends."

Well, obviously it worked, haha. We got back together and I am astounded by how much effort and change he put into everything. These weren't just changes I wanted to make in him, it was changes that he wanted to make in himself and thats why it was successful.

Fast forward to now. We are good 50/50 of the time. I don't know if thats worth it. I know all couples fight but there has to be a breaking point, right?

Sunday I was at his house and I have nothing there to distract me - but its his house and he has everything there and he's always distracted. I'm not asking for him to glue himself to my hip, I am asking for some kind of attention and if not than I am going home (like instead of playing xbox alone, let me play with you). Its not unreasonable since I only see him on Sundays. He didn't so I went home. Than I came back. We fought. Then I left. Than I came back lol. We fought and it actually looked like we were going to be okay. This is how the last convo went:

Me: Jake, I know neither of us are perfect, and I know my ability to be irrational causes a lot of the stress in us."

Him: Are you blaming me? Because I don't see how that would make sense.

Me: No i am not blaming you, I very clearly just took some of the blame.

Him: You should take all the blame

Me: Seriously? You think you've been perfect this whole time?

Than he stayed quiet so I left.

Today, I texted him to see where we stand. I told him that this is important to me, and I want to try to talk one last time... and here's the rest:

Him: Well come over.

Me: Why? you come over. If you really thought this was worth saving, than you'd come over.

Him: I can say the same for you.

Me: I come over every time. i drive to your house [50 miles roundtrip] or your work [30 miles roundtrip] every single time. its your turn to show me the effort. If we can't talk tonight than there won't be a talk. **SIDE NOTE: he already knows I'm busy weds, thurs, and fri ngiht**

Him: well since you're threatening me, I guess there won't be a talk.

Me: I'm not threatening you, I'm telling you its unfair to make me wait until Sat to talk. This is hurting me, why would i want to prolong it? And instead of fixing it like you supposedly want, you're trying to guilt trip me?

 

So I guess we just broke up. A piece of me wants us to be over with. I know I can do better. I know that he can't. And usually exes would like that, but I dont like the idea of him being alone. I want him to be happy in a relationship but hows he going to find someone as patient and dedicated as me? The thing that everyone knew made me and Jake work was how incredibly patient and understanding of him I was.

I feel really bad for him. I love him a lot, and I know the reason its over are so small but its the principal. So many small things finally accumulated into one BIG thing. Did I jump the gun? Maybe I shouldn't have broken up with him so quickly. But I don't even know if I want to stay with him.

What do you guys think?

[Deciduous]

Hello there Point5,

 

Big welcome to the forum. Thankx for the LOL on the other post

 

I think when couples have had longish breaks before, there are obviously fundemental issues that just aren't working. There might be a love/affection bringing them back together, but they are usually hit by all the same problems.

 

Yes, your boyfriend really cleaned up his act before when he realised you were really going to walk the first - and he obviously did this sincerely - but as time went on his natural personality started reasserting itself.

 

Sunday I was at his house and I have nothing there to distract me - but its his house and he has everything there and he's always distracted. I'm not asking for him to glue himself to my hip, I am asking for some kind of attention and if not than I am going home (like instead of playing xbox alone, let me play with you). Its not unreasonable since I only see him on Sundays. He didn't so I went home

 

That's just him. He has slid back to normal and its causing ructions in the relationship. I think this split is all very fresh and a bit raw and it's natural to think, oh Gawd, what have I done, but my gut says you shouldn't make any decisions about reconciliation for a couple of weeks. Let the whole thing settle in a bit. Think of it as a break to gain perspective. (That should be less terrifying, than thinking, Arrgghhhhhh, this is it forever)

 

I know you worry about him, but he has proven that when he's motivated he can get his act together. It's his life. He has responsibility to make it

what he wants for himself.

 

I want him to be happy in a relationship but hows he going to find someone as patient and dedicated as me? The thing that everyone knew made me and Jake work was how incredibly patient and understanding of him I was.

I feel really bad for him.

 

Regarding the above paragragh - he has the opportunity to grow and learn from this relationship regardless of whether it continues or ends here - and it's his choice if he chooses to do so.

 

All the best - Deciduousxx

[Gennevieve]

You took him back out of pity the second time, and it sounds like the feeling of pitying him hasn't left you. Probably the only reason you feel drawn to him is because you feel bad FOR him. Relax, let it pass, and move on. He'll eventually do the same.

[Point5]

Thankx for the LOL on the other post

 

Which post did i say something funny in? lol

 

I think this split is all very fresh and a bit raw and it's natural to think, oh Gawd, what have I done, but my gut says you shouldn't make any decisions about reconciliation for a couple of weeks. Let the whole thing settle in a bit. Think of it as a break to gain perspective. (That should be less terrifying, than thinking, Arrgghhhhhh, this is it forever)

 

I really don't want it to end. And I know by just making one phone call to him, than we would be back together.

But its the principal that gets me. I was willing to talk to him and work it out, but he let our relationship end because he didn't want to get out of bed. I know I deserve better than that, and I know I'm worth more than that. Granted, he's a firefighter and yesterday was his last day off before he works the next 4 days, but I think this would've been something that he should've made the effort to fix. He saw me begging him to work it out as me threatening him. I know in my heart that I don't need this, but it hurts. I'm at work right now and I'm able to keep myself composed but it just bothers me.

 

You took him back out of pity the second time, and it sounds like the feeling of pitying him hasn't left you. Probably the only reason you feel drawn to him is because you feel bad FOR him. Relax, let it pass, and move on. He'll eventually do the same.

 

Hi Gennevieve,

 

Actually I only took him back as a friend out of pity. He doesn't have any friends and I felt bad for him. But when we were together the first time, I really did adore him. Then the second time we got together is when I fell in love with him. Nothing pitiful out of that

 

 

Well, thank you ladies. Basically I'm not going to talk to him. And if by Saturday he doesn't say anything to me, than I will have my answer and I will take the next steps of removing him from my life (like deleting him and his entire family and his coworkers off of my facebook, and deleting all the photos of us on my phone, fb, and laptop.)

We shall see