My boyfriend is cheating on me with me and he has no idea!

[Gone2Far]

I know this is going to sound ridiculous any way I put it. I've been with this guy for 2 and a half years. He has a daughter who comes to stay with us during all of her school vacations. His daughter is a Tween and a "daddy's girl" who doesn't want to think that her dad is having sex with anyone, let alone someone who is 1 year younger than her sister (on her mom's side). That being the case, whenever she's in town our relationship in the bedroom tends to mellow out. I am in my early 20s and he is in his mid 40s. The other day, I was playing around on google and I found an app that allows you to have a different phone number in any area code with it's very own voicemail and text. I got the app thinking it would be a good idea since I run my own business. I could use one for work and the other for personal.

 

Yesterday, I decided to text my boyfriend from my new number. The first few texts we're just very playful and I had every intention of telling him it was me. As the texts/day progressed, the texts got a little more complex and I could tell he was really turned on by the fact that he had no idea who was texting him. I gave him clues that let him know I had been a close friend of his so it wasn't like he was talking to a COMPLETE stranger. I thought it would be a good idea to spice things up between us. We talked for a long time yesterday and I could sense he might be on to me so I set it up so that a couple of texts could be sent while I was in the same room as him and he would see that there was no way it was me. He kept sneaking into different rooms to text the "other woman". I thought it was cute.

This morning, he text the OW and we talked again for most of the day. I told him I was coming into town soon and I'd love to meet up with him. He said he'd love to but he had to let me know that he was in a relationship of 2 1/2 years. I said that I didn't care but to be frank, if I saw him, we were going to hook-up. Ww continued talking and he said that he'd always been faithful but that if I "overwhelmed" him I might have a chance. Blah blah blah he text me about the things he might do to me if we got together and said that if he knew who I was he might be able to sext me better. Lol. I told him I liked the mystery. I set up another text to be sent to his phone this evening while we were at the stores, this time, I planned it so that I would be on his phone (because I "left mine at home") talking to my mom when the text came in. It went off without a hitch. I found out he has me listed under a co-workers name who we happened to run into (I couldn't have planned it any better) and I met for the first time as we entered the store. So while I was on the phone my bf kept staring at me and I looked at the phone and told him, "X just text you?". So I opened the text and my bf grabbed the phone out of my hand and hung it up.

I was like, "ummm I wasn't done yet." lol. He didn't let me have it back and the minute we got home, he went to the bathroom. The whole time he was in there he was texting the OW and I was in our room texting him back. He proceeded to tell me about how his gf was keeping a close eye on him and he would text me as soon as he could. I agreed and said good night, but not before I told him the date and hotel of when I'd be in town.

Now, I know he doesn't have a clue it's me and he is seriously considering sleeping with the other me. I don't know what to feel. My stomach is all in knots and I can't help feeling that he might do it again only next time, it won't be with me.

How do I make him happy? Do I continue on with this charade and find out what he needs from me or do I confront him about it?

Wow! I sound more nuts than I thought lol. Any comments good or bad are much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Gone2Far

[Seraphim]

I am not so sure he is going to be so turned on when he finds out he has been entrapped and manipulated.

[Gone2Far]

I didn't mean for it to be like this and up until the incident at the store, I honestly believed that a part of him still suspected it was me.

[Edmund Exley]

Well, what started out as a foolish game may turn fatal. Say he does claim to know it was you, are you truly going to believe him?

 

The fact that you're posting in this section tells me you wont. You may have inadvertently put a wedge in any trust that existed in your relationship.

[Seraphim]

I would not "confront" him since YOU set this up. You entrapped him. I would confess though. Do not expect him to be too happy. It sounds like silly destructive games and not adding spice to a relationship.

[Gone2Far]

That's what it's adding up to be. On the other hand, I think if I let him meet up with the OW at her hotel in a couple of weeks he might be more interested in the other side of me that he doesn't bring out. Maybe if I don't let it get to me, and just let this be the "playful spice" I was intending then he'll see it that way too. NOTE TO SELF: Keep it in the bedroom. Lol.

@Edmund good point. Although, I've never really been the jealous type.

[blackhawks1287]

Wow aren't you mature...gone2far is right...

 

Why on earth would you try to live some double life like this, why on earth did you let it go on this far?

 

Maybe he wants what you are pretending to give him...you are pretending to be this mysterious person, all the while the real you is so caught up trying to play this game, instead of really being with him and wow...this is just a whirlwind of problems...that you started...

[Deciduous]

I think I'd go right off him at this stage. You were only mucking about and being silly. Who knew he'd be so eager cheat. He was practically ripping

the phone out of your to get his next sext in.

[Kitkat973]

I don't think that you've made the best decisions, but it's all things that you've already done, and you can't change the past.

 

His behavior, though, is really worrying. You've got fairly solid proof that he doesn't know it's you, and that he's considering cheating on you. For me, that would be call to end a relationship.

[DylanNotorious]

How do I make him happy?

 

By pretending that your grown up.

[CatsMeeoow]

I'm sorry I have to agree with the others - you are incredibly immature and have probably toasted your own relationship. I think you'll end up getting what you deserve either way - 1) you realized that your guy is easy to coerce resulting in you never trusting him and 2) he finds out its you and feels completely betrayed and pissed off and boots you out.

 

However, these are the mistakes a 20yr old usually makes in learning about life... I think your best option is to fess up your behavior and deal with the consequences... that would be acting like a grown up.

[Seraphim]

I'm sorry I have to agree with the others - you are incredibly immature and have probably toasted your own relationship. I think you'll end up getting what you deserve either way - 1) you realized that your guy is easy to coerce resulting in you never trusting him and 2) he finds out its you and feels completely betrayed and pissed off and boots you out.

 

However, these are the mistakes a 20yr old usually makes in learning about life... I think your best option is to fess up your behavior and deal with the consequences... that would be acting like a grown up.

 

Yup. It is one thing to make it like a 10 minute joke ( and I would not even do that), but to carry it on and on that is something else.

[BellaDonna]

You need to meet him at the hotel as the OW, only it will be you obviously.

 

Either the 2 of you will have the worst argument of your relationship or the best sex of your relationship. It could really go either way.

[BellaDonna]

I honestly believed that a part of him still suspected it was me.

 

That's what you need to say to him in order to save your butt.

[Point5]

"He kept sneaking into different rooms to text the "other woman". I thought it was cute."

 

I doubt you would think that if it wasn't you he was texting and it was really another woman.

You should start thinking about what to do when he finds out and loses all the trust he had in you.

[OptomisticGirl]

Well. On the one hand you completely acted like a teenager with this game. On the other hand, I gotta admit, it gave you an insight into him. It showed he can very easily be coherced and bedded. I don't know.

[Jd1983]

Honestly, I would be a little wary if I were you.

 

Yes, it was immature what you did, but what's done has been now. It is how you handle from this point on that makes the difference.

 

It may seem all fun and games to you, but what if he didn't suspect that it was you and actually thought it was someone else? Would it still be cute then? Most likely not.

[metrogirl]

You need to meet him at the hotel as the OW, only it will be you obviously.

 

Either the 2 of you will have the worst argument of your relationship or the best sex of your relationship. It could really go either way.

 

Totally reminds me of the Pina Colada song.

[Teaday]

It's not super common for a mystery woman to send suggestive texts out of nowhere. Your alterego jumped right into things; I can see how this would be atleast mildly alluring for a guy. Whether or not he'd actually go through with it is another thing.

 

I have to wonder if you've been acting differently towards him since you began this game. Even if you think you're playing it out perfectly, you've been together for 2.5 years. He probably knows you well enough to sense something is up with you, which could be inadvertently playing into the scenario. You're pushing and pulling him into your own arms.

 

I know you weren't going into this with intent to hurt the relationship, your bf, or yourself, but it seems you've got some repairing to do

[PhilliesFan001]

Uhh....hmm. I know you said you thought it was "cute" that he was sneaking off to text you, but you have to remember: he didn't know he was texting you. He thought he was sneaking off to text another woman to essentially set up a date to cheat on you. Still cute?

 

You're really playing with fire here - you dangled bait in front of him and he took it. Now you know it doesn't take much for him to consider cheating on you. This whole game was a bad, bad idea.

 

I think you should just confess to him that it was you and let the chips fall where they may. Bad move on your part, bad response on his.

[hexaemeron]

Lol, so when relationships have no problems, we create them. This is so sad.

[truegrit]

If this was me and I had been reckless enough to do this......this is what I would do and probably most won't agree with this but here goes........

 

First I would go deep within myself and decide if his actions to the texts falls in your line of cheating (it does in mine) but if so then you need to decide if now that you know what he is capable of this is it something you can live with and also will you be able from now on to not completely trust him. If my answer is ya it's okay I can live with it. THEN I would either never send another text or send one more giving some excuse to break it off and get rid of that number and not say a word to him.

 

On the other hand if you can't live with this then tell him but be prepared for a chance of a breakup and now neither of you will be able to trust each other again. By doing this you have actually done an entrapment which is a very underhanded thing to do and says something about your values. But I bet you learned a good lesson from it. Put yourself in his place if you decide to actually meet him at that motel, wow if I was in his position I can't tell you how UPSET I would feel when you walked in that door.

 

Not good, not good anyway you look at this.......

[sadchick83]

If a guy did this to me-- send flirtatious texts, I would probably ignore them completely...maybe try to figure out the actual sender, but that's it! At this point you almost have to go through with it. I mean you could forgive him if he didn't actually show up at the hotel.

 

I see nothing wrong with testing someone's fidelity. Its comparable to the famous social experiment of leaving a wallet full of cash on a park bench. Some people would return the wallet with all the cash. Some people would take the cash and only return the wallet. Some would take the cash and throw the wallet in the garbage. Catch my drift??? All are varying degrees of honesty. An honest guy would have just ignored the texts.

[truegrit]

I think there's a difference in doing a sting operation using your mate and setting someone up to see if they'd return the wallet. When you purposely are putting your relationship on the line and with a good chance of destroying it on purpose is kinda silly. You either trust your partner or you don't. If they are dishonest eventually you will find out without doing this. If the OP had just done it one time as a quick joke it would be one thing but she took it waaaaaaaay too far.

[hexaemeron]

If a guy did this to me-- send flirtatious texts, I would probably ignore them completely...maybe try to figure out the actual sender, but that's it! At this point you almost have to go through with it. I mean you could forgive him if he didn't actually show up at the hotel.

 

I see nothing wrong with testing someone's fidelity. Its comparable to the famous social experiment of leaving a wallet full of cash on a park bench. Some people would return the wallet with all the cash. Some people would take the cash and only return the wallet. Some would take the cash and throw the wallet in the garbage. Catch my drift??? All are varying degrees of honesty. An honest guy would have just ignored the texts.

 

So basically, you have no problem treating someone you supposedly care about like a guilty lab rat who needs to snatch his innocence back from the unyielding maw of "I will always be betrayed" to somehow scope out the possibility that someone might at some point, break your trust.

 

Frankly, it doesn't sound like you much deserve fidelity to me. You want all the benefits but none of the risk that's part and parcel with a real relationship. But if all you're interested in is treating someone like a trained monkey you can test until he buckles, then there's a quote from Thomas Jefferson you should read sometime.