Stress and manipulation

[puppylove89]

My last post was about my "Post Grad Life" stresses with my boyfriend, etc... Well since then things have been perfect, I've gone back into some hobbies I had dropped during college, I'm getting a temporary job bartending, and keeping busy has allowed my boyfriend to ask to spend more time together and calling me more often. I even encouraged him to go out with his friends last Friday for one of his best friend's bdays (he didn't really want to go bc he's introverted and is happy to be finished with belligerent college-style nights). He's now getting a temp waiting job too and has applied to a Masters program and several other big jobs. Our relationship has been the healthiest it's ever been.

 

Until tonight...yesterday we spoke on the phone for about an hour, and he had asked if he could see me today. No set plans were made. This morning he texted me saying he was running errands, going to restaurants to find a job, etc...So I assumed we weren't necessarily going to see each other and ran my errands. He called me during this around 4 pm asking me if I could come over tonight, and I agreed but explained I still had much to do and it would be awhile. Once I got home and ate with my family, I told him I would be over within the next half hour. 45 min later I texted him saying I was on my way and he replied very firmly saying that it wasn't fair that I had told him 30 min, I was being selfish, etc, etc...I called him and he proceeded to get angry and hang up the phone before I was able to utter a sentence.

 

Now this may seem small and petty but after a long day and having waited for him to ask at 4pm if we could see each other the same day, I don't feel it correct that he was so rude and condescending to me. He's done this for many months, he expects me to be perfect and if anything doesn't go as planned, he immediately tells me I'm in the wrong and hangs up the phone and stops communicating. We both live at home temporarily, and as I had mentioned in my previous post, he's always had a very comfortable life. It's as if he blames anything that doesn't go right on me. My house is smaller so I always go to his, which is a 30 min drive away, he never acknowledges this and always expects me to be available.

 

Am I overreacting? How do you deal with someone so naive and rash? He's sweet when he wants to but I feel very unappreciated and taken for granted. I've held my tongue about SO many things he does that annoy me, and the one thing I do slightly wrong he jumps down my throat and stops talking to me about...

[annie24]

I see both sides here. Maybe the thing to do from now on is to make set plans so that neither of you are sitting around waiting all day. ie, you should have decided that morning that say, 9 PM is when you would meet. Or whatever. but then again, it's not as if you had some plans where you needed to be there at a certain time (ie, tickets to a movie or a play).

[lilxcutie53]

I totally understand where you are coming from. It seems that your boyfriend wants his tic for tat..like he can wait til late in the day to ask you to hang out, but if you say your going to be 30min late and have him wait for you its like the biggest deal in the world for him. He knows that he's not respecting your time and not planning to hang out with you so he gets mad when your not 100% available because if you accept hanging out at last min or late in the day he's going to think that you will jump up and see him as soon as you can and gets mad when you dont.

 

My boyfriend is sorta the same way so I started setting limits...like if he doesn't ask me to hang out before 3 then i make myself busy the rest of the night. Have you ever read the book "Why Men Marry * * * * * es...?" Its a great book and it teaches you how to set limits with your boyfriend so that they respect/cherish you. It'll tell you how to not act so available..