So what happens to women who relationship hop most of their lives?

[GrowingIn]

When it all comes down to it, when a person leaves a relationship it's because most of their needs are not being met. The very selfish ones leaves as soon as just a few of their needs aren't being met. The ones that give more, finally give up when their final need is no longer being met.

 

In the end, it seems as if we go through our lives moving from relationship to relationship in order to gain experience and find whatever it is we are looking for at that time in order to help us reach our next goals, emotional, or financial etc. The only difference it appears to me that some people really have the will power and determination, and also found a partner that's compatible enough in order to see things through to the end and make things last, while others, choose to hop around and live their lives going through tens or hundreds of men and women.

 

I always wondered though. Do these independent women that hop all the time throughout their 20s, 2 year or less relationship, that don't appear to have a motherly bone in their body, do they ever actually get married and have kids? Does anyone know such a woman and where she is when she's 40 or 50?

[Benville]

Often wondered that myself. My ex admitted herself that she hasn't been single for more than 2-3 weeks since she was 16 (she's about to turn 27). All LTRs too. Ours was the shortest at 1 year.

 

To me that's an alien concept, you need time to heal, adjust, learn and move on. She just goes from bloke to bloke. Every one of them she considers serious, everyone she lives with, then just finds another.

 

Don't get it. Not jsut her, don't think this is a blubbing post, we're done and I'm comfortable to say I'm pretty much letting go nicely, it just confuses me as a pattern.

[DN]

I imagine that in most cases they end up lonely or in a relationship that they settled for and aren't really happy in.

[LaKings55]

From what I've seen is they typically end up married at some point, divorced soon after, middle aged, trying to raise teenagers and desperately searching for another man. Complaining that younger women have all the luck meeting men. A lot of "nice guys" find that they become hot commodities as they get older.

[mactownman]

Benville, our ex's are alot alike. Mine also has not really been single since she was 16, also about to turn 27. LT relationship into LT relationship into LT relationship. She was with someone for almost 4 years before her and I go together a little more than 2 weeks after her breakup! She left me and was with her new guy THAT NIGHT! The cycle continues to this day. Miserable way to go through life.

[Benville]

Yeah, my ex was living with a fella for 3 years, left him, was with my friend the very next night but he did the unexpected and turned her down. Two weeks later I was stupid enough to let her latch onto me. From what I can figure, I also did the unexpected. I recognised she was liking someone else, so I left early, and I'm pretty sure he's backed away since as well, so she's finding herself in unfamiliar territory right now of being completely alone.

[mactownman]

They have issues which we will never understand.

[LTS48]

Some of the psychology behind this type of girl has been explained to me:

 

There is usually pressure all around them in the form of their friends all being married/having families. They feel like they have to have the same kind of success or people will judge them as having something wrong with them. So yes, every relationship is serious; every relationship has to be planning marriage or at least mentioning it 1-2 months in.

 

Problem is when the excitement of talking about marriage/love dies off and the couple stops talking about it. Then its just her and him. That's when the nuances start to come out and things take a turn for the worse.

[mhowe]

For the record, wouldn't call it relationship hopping:

College sweetheart 3 yrs. He broke up when he was at grad school

Grad school bf 1.5 yrs. He broke up, wouldn't commit

at age 29 8 yrs --- left me for "ex"... come on, we were together for 8 yrs!

9 yrs not dating

Age 49.......................in 2nd year of relationship. Never had kids due to the 8 yrs with wrong guy. Own business, own home, retirement all set, great friends, family, dog....and amazing bf.

 

No issues, not lonely...wasn't when I was single.

[Fudgie]

I see a lot of women who relationship hop. Doesn't seem healthy to me.

 

I guess they would just rather settle than be alone.

[LTS48]

mhowe what about the time in between relationships? I'm thinking the discussion is centered on those who line up something new before the old has ended/start something new within a week or two each time.

[mhowe]

Oh --- sorry --- I saw it as someone getting to their 40'/50's and not having settled or had kids --- "hopped"...but I can see your interpretation is right! My time between relationships was anywhere from 2 yrs - 9 yrs!!!!

[LTS48]

Yeah, you definitely took the time to heal and move on, i think a hopper is a person who turns rebound after rebound into a serious relationship. That is my personal definition though...maybe up for debate.

 

However, the exhaustion catches up with them all eventually. Maybe not for years and years until things settle down, but it does.

[TakingtheBlame]

I know someone who had "relationship-hopped" since she was 14 and asked her once why she never took some time to be single. Her answer was "I'm not good at making friends and I get lonely." To be fair, she wasn't the one ending all of her relationships so I guess the desire to settle down was there. She's now in her late 20's and has been married for a little over a year.

 

I'm just the opposite. I've never been good at making friends, but often, in an effort to develop self confidence and improve my social skills, I've forced myself to stay single until I felt healed from a break-up or until a guy who rocked my socks fell into my lap. I think most relationship hoppers fall into the lonely-and-afraid-to-be-alone-because-of-dubious-social-skills-or-insecurity category, and they often don't want to do the work to change that.