Expected to see my ex at a party, didn't, feel depressed rather than relieved...

[AquilaVindex]

Having a real down day today, can't figure out what I'm doing or why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. Basically a mutual friend was in town last night, we go way back and she's a great girl but she's moved and is rarely around these days. So we were gonna hit the bars in the evening with her fella and some of our friends that are still around. The problem is that my ex is one of her best friends these days, so I was expecting her to be there too. So, prepping to go out I made sure I looked ace - shaved, showered, lenses in, nice aftershave, new shirt, the works. I guess I wanted to show my ex what she was missing out on if we did run into each other, which sounds really juvenile but it's really the only reason I can think I did that.

 

Anyway, in the end plans fell through and we didn't end up going out. I felt really stupid then for putting that much effort into trying to look good - I mean, I have absolutely NOTHING to prove to my ex, why do that?? Then I went to bed and had back to back dreams about my ex, dreaming we were back together and that I was holding her and doing the stuff we used to do. It felt so great, then I woke up and it was all gone again.

 

I've been feeling like I've been doing great over the past couple of weeks, but today I feel set back such a long way. I know there'll be ups and downs for quite some time, but I just feel really stupid right now for dressing up last night and really down that I'm still dreaming about having this girl back who is SO not right for me. Stupid subconscious...

 

Just needed a little vent I guess. Thanks for reading.

[Oasiswater]

I can relate, completely.

A year ago my ex dumped me for the first time, so I started following everyone's advice and trying to make myself better. I hit the gym religiously, started a new instrument, started teaching myself a new subject, etc. I realized a while in that I was doing this all for her though, so that she'd see how much I changed and instantly want me back. After a while though, some 60 pounds lighter, a newfound piano player and a bit of an amateur economist, I realized that these things are all awesome things to do for MYSELF. I'm healthier, more fit than I've ever been, I love the piano and think it's an awesome instrument, and economics is something I've always wanted to get into but never had the time to!

 

The point I'm trying to make is, so you dressed up and made sure you were looking extra sharp tonight. Your ex wasn't there, you say? Who cares? She's yesterdays news and should stay that way as far as I'm concerned. Dressing up and paying extra attention to detail has its benefits... a) you feel a lot better, b) you look a lot better, c) you neeeever know what stranger you might run into that night!

 

Give the dreams and your motives time, but always try your best to find the positive side of things -- it'll do you a lot of good throughout life. Just hang in there for now though, you're doing great by just recognizing the fact that she's not right for you.

[Snuggly]

Nothing wrong with wanting them to miss what they can't have. And as Oasis says, who knows who you will meet

[twistedfate]

I went through this exact same thing not too long ago. My ex told me in a couple friendly emails that he was going to come to my friend's local concert, and then never showed. I was torn on whether it was a good idea for him to come, but I was secretly hoping he would so he'd see how great I look and what he's missing. I too, looked incredible that night and even wore a new shirt and jeans. But, he never showed. I was a depressed mess the next day and laid in bed all afternoon crying. Then I realized-- he obviously doesn't think about me or care about me, so why should I give a you-know-what about him.

 

It set me back, but it was a huge eye opener because that next day (2 days post concert) I woke up feeling completely new again. I finallystarted coming out of the funk that I was stuck in over him. And I have to say, I'm glad now that he didn't come, because I think THAT would have set me back more.

[AquilaVindex]

Thanks guys, feeling better again today. It's still annoying that this woman has the ability to influence my life when I've been NC for weeks, but I guess I just need to give myself a break! I think I'd be more worried if I was getting over this super quick, as it would mean the last 3 years didn't mean a thing to me. I'm allowed to be doing the right things for the wrong reasons for a while, as long as I'm doing the right things.