Is there a way to save this relationship before it crashes and burns?

[pennyloafer2]

I'm in an open relationship, open sexually, as we don't date other people. But we haven't acted on it, we haven't had sex with people, but we do make out with people at parties occasionally. Whenever he tells me he's done something like this, I generally don't ask, I just say, thank you for telling me. Whenever I do it ... he gets quite upset, jealous. The last time this happened I said, look, why are we even in an open relationship? If it doesn't make you happy, let's stop. He insisted we don't, that he's not ready for something exclusive, etc etc.

 

Which made me realize something. I'm ready for an exclusive relationship. In fact, it's kind of the goal for me. I want to get married, have kids. I think open relationships are good to learn trust and honesty and to explore each other emotionally as well as have freedom which is great in your 20s.

 

But it isn't doing that.

 

Him being jealous is hurting me. I can't even imagine what he would do if I had sex with someone, yet he says "he's not stopping me." But emotionally, it's very hard to go ahead and do the open relationship thing when I get guilted every time I act on this right I supposedly have.

 

He doesn't want exclusive yet*, I'm not sure if open is going to work with him.

 

*yet = part of me feels this day won't come. gut feeling, instinct, call it what you will.

 

I know he loves me. I know he'd hurt alot if I left. I also know I'm the only one he loves. I trust him in this. I understand he's scared and he's had bad relationships. I want to be compassionate and understanding but at the same time I can't handle getting walked all over.

 

Is there a compromise that's possible? Or are we just done. I don't want to lose him.

[Point5]

I recently watched the movie Hall Pass. The guys totally thought it'd be okay for them to have a hall pass but didn't like the idea of their wives having one.

This reminds me of that movie. But in your case, the whole guilt trip thing isn't cool and/or mature.

I understand what you mean by wanting to be in a committed relationship and your gut feeling is usually correct. Try to distance yourself for a while until you have a better idea of what you want. You can stay with him and keep doing the open relationship thing until he decides he's ready to settle down, or you can go out and be in a steady relationship where both parties are treated equally.

[iBroken]

Keep him on the backburner if it benefits you however, start to seek relationships elsewhere.

 

Id also refrain from sharing anything with him regarding any of your make out sessions

[pennyloafer2]

Thanks for the replies.

 

We've lived together and this relationship is almost a year old. There really isn't a backburner solution at this point.

 

I will take a few days off and think about what I want. I guess that's the only way.

[RitaTrue]

I recently watched the movie Hall Pass. The guys totally thought it'd be okay for them to have a hall pass but didn't like the idea of their wives having one.

This reminds me of that movie. But in your case, the whole guilt trip thing isn't cool and/or mature.

I understand what you mean by wanting to be in a committed relationship and your gut feeling is usually correct. Try to distance yourself for a while until you have a better idea of what you want. You can stay with him and keep doing the open relationship thing until he decides he's ready to settle down, or you can go out and be in a steady relationship where both parties are treated equally.

 

Keep him on the backburner if it benefits you however, start to seek relationships elsewhere.

 

Id also refrain from sharing anything with him regarding any of your make out sessions

 

I agree with these.

[pennyloafer2]

This relationship is much more serious than those responses seem to imply. I don't know .. I guess I'm looking for more input.