Can't figure this out. I need help

[jerant03]

I had a relationship with a girl for 1.5 years and she was head over heels for me, saying "you're the one", "i want to have your kids (shes 18 and im younger than her)", and planned out our life etc etc.

 

So, (VERYYY long story short, I hope) my ex and i were essentially attached at the hip (a good 7+months) until she started to take attention away from me to, at first, xbox (only a little at first) then work and college (that shes no even in yet). however, she always made time for me (and was extremely clingy). So, eventually she got an xbox and she started talking to a friend of mine and she became interested in him (he lives over 600 miles away, is 18 and has no job, car or license and has a handful of mental illnesses), but she never told me (and actually avoided and lied to me), a friend did. So, i confronted her about it and she assured me she loves me volumes more than him (claiming its a little school girl crush). She also wanted to break up in college so she can “get the crazy out” and see whats out there (and also saying that we dont know the future), and in the mean time we’d stay close friends that are in love with each other but will see other people (so we're not lonesome), but in the end she wants to settle down with me saying “in the end I want to be like ‘wow all these guys suck…I want Tony (me)’” (shes going to a college that doesnt even have a campus and no one talks to anybody, theres a lot of profiling that goes on where I live amongst students and shes not physically attractive and a lot of guys ‘round here go for looks first). i didnt believe her so i eventually looked at her phone (at a friends party….i know stupidity on my part) and i saw that he was being him, but she wanted to do all the things we did with him (massages, snuggling…the whole nine yards). i get caught, she freaks out then starts crying and we dont talk for two weeks. i find out that my friend realized what was really going on and ended all contact with her on any form of media (I confirmed it). Later he told me he’d have to be desperate to even have a one night stand with her and that he doesn’t even remember her name. “shes a stupid ugly dumba** (like, intellectually inferior) b****” was his closing statement on that topic.

 

i get her to talk to me and she says that she doesnt know how much she loves me after i looked at her phone, and made 5 million mistakes that i apparently made (clinginess being one of them, but its because she pulled away), but she said she made little effort to talk to me and that all of this was her fault and some of it was mine as well (and a lot of other faulty thinking and weak arguments). so i tried to convince her to talk it out, but she preferred to break up and "organize myself and then we can start over (as friends and see where it takes us)." I asked her how she would feel if we went with her plan for college and what if I found someone else and forgot about her, and at first it was “why is there someone else like that now?” then, after I said no twice, she said “well I wouldn’t be proud of us (the relationship) and I would be hurt, but I would have no choice but to be happy for you.”

 

so we didnt talk again for about 1.5 weeks (since we broke up, she avoided me like I had the plague) and i called her (turned into a shouting match but i calmed it down) asking if we can resolve our problems. apparently shes been pissed at me for being clingy, looking at her phone, not trusting her, being "gulliable" (believing a mutual friend of ours whom she talked to about our problems, and following his advice as well as the person 600 miles away because ive known him 4 years prior) and showing a different side of myself, and talking to all of 'her' (our) friends. she has told no one about the details of the breakup (to my knowledge) and has since become additcted to xbox (playing from 2-6 pm, her new wake up times, or earlier, to 4-6 am), and kept our friends at a distance since she knows they know, has since had no life and is acting like nothing has happened (and acts almost insanely happy according to friends and co-workers that don’t know her or our problems). she literally contradicted herself saying that she was equally guilty for doing and causing all the problems in the relationship, let the kid from xbox "mind f'ed the relationship" (and she let it happen) and just, in the end, doing the most damage to the relationship (all her words. I said nothing yet)...but shes still furious with me and still loves me a little still but doesn’t know what she wants to do with the relationship, and she needs time but one doesnt know the future, so she doesnt expect me to wait and i can do whatever i want (she sounded hesitant/upset on that last remark). She agreed that my clinginess was a result of her taking attention away from me (when she played xbox over my house her eyes were glued to the tv), but argued about having a life (2 jobs and college related stuff), but, and I didn’t point it out, she always made time despite that stuff. She also started knit-picking the things I do, such as xbox live mottos or whatever claiming that she doesn’t want me to change since she “loved” me for “being a nerd” and she doesn’t want that to change.

 

sorry for the long note, I would give u more detail but I felt this is the most important, and im trying my best to save your eyes. theres so much that happened that im not sure what my situation really is, anyone wannah help on this one?

 

also, not to sound like a jerk, i could easily pick up another girl because, in the words of all my friends and some acquantants, im one of those rly desirable guys and i was an amazing catch for her. everyone said it, even both our parents and other family, that we were a great (extreme emphasis on great) couple, and id like to keep that if possible.