The Way A Girl Dresses: OPINONS?

[Russh]

I used to wear T-shirts and hoodies all the time. It wasn't until this year that I started buying clothing that showed a bit of cleavage. I don't wear skin-tight shirts or pants. I dress casual and even started buying dresses (which I would never have done before because I used to be a bit tom boyish) I've felt better that I'm starting to look older and feel prettier.

 

Needless to say, my boyfriend really doesn't like the fact that I'm buying these clothes. It isn't that he minds me buying new clothes, it's that I'm showing some cleavage even if it's minor. In his own words, "Never said you dressed * * * * ty , just said that dress shows cleavage and so does most of the stuff you wear now." The dress I showed him was: link removed

 

He said "You're really picking out more stuff that show your boobs huh?" and I innocently thought it was just neck but now I see that it's minor cleavage. I told him "No, it's just a nice little dress that shows neck." And what really pissed me off was that he allowed his room mate to get in on our business and take his side. The other day his room mate pointed out that one of the shirts I was wearing really put attention towards my boobs. The fact was that I was wearing a low cut shirt with a tank top underneath so I wasn't "hanging out".

 

Is it wrong that I dress this way? My boyfriend says that if his room mate is pointing it out and agreeing with him then who knows who else is noticing.

[DrKitten]

I'm squealing now because that is an extremely cute dress and I have one just like it.

 

Your boyfriend is insecure, and his comments are bordering on controlling behavior. I wouldn't stand for that at all.

[Russh]

He REALLY hates when I say that he's being controlling and if I even bring up the fact that he may be insecure, that won't go over well. He may say something along the lines of "If you want to show yourself off to the world, then be my guest."

[Keme]

I think he's just scared other guys will notice you or something... I wear tight fitting clothes a lot, and it never bothered anyone. Even other girls say I look cute. It's not a big deal. Nothing wrong with wanting to feel pretty.

[Kitkat973]

The way you dress is your decision.

 

If you don't want to show cleavage, I don't think that dress would be a problem- it's rather cute, and would show just a hint.

 

I would tell him flat-out that you will wear what you want.

[Keme]

He may say something along the lines of "If you want to show yourself off to the world, then be my guest."

 

lmao. I have to ask, have you guys ever been swimming together?

[DrKitten]

He REALLY hates when I say that he's being controlling and if I even bring up the fact that he may be insecure, that won't go over well. He may say something along the lines of "If you want to show yourself off to the world, then be my guest."

 

Just another projection of his insecurity onto you. That dress can hardly be defined as "showing yourself off the world".

 

I hope he has some other shiny, golden redeeming qualities because those comments make him sounds like an immature jerk and I wouldn't be able to put up with that for very long.

[Russh]

Well not really. We went to the pool together once when no one was out and I didn't have a swim suit.

[Russh]

This is what he said to me:

 

"It's possible to not dress like a boy and not show off your boobs though

sorry if that sounds crude

but yea. You may not be trying to be noticed but wearing those clothes I guarantee you are. I never said you had to wear baggy clothing. I just simply said the fact that most of your clothes show cleavage annoys me. There is such a thing as womens clothes that dont show boobs

You can do what you want though

You said you would anyway"

[DrKitten]

If he wasn't insecure, he wouldn't care if other people noticed you.

[gumiinexi]

i wouldn't be with anyone who told me how he wants me to dress. it's your life..your choice. he sounds very insecure and controlling and i wouldn't put up with that.

[Russh]

Me: if you're secure with yourself and our relationship then why would it matter if I was noticed by anyone?

Him: I understand just cause I feel that way doesnt mean you do necessarily and I agree with that but no part of that means you have to wear stuff that shows cleavage and attracts male attention

and the fact that you want to despite what i say is just nauseating to me and i thought you were different than that

[Day_Walker]

He doesnt have to like what you wear. If you like wearing then wear it.

[DrKitten]

I just found this thread you wrote a while ago:

 

It sounds like he just doesn't straight up respect you (and perhaps women in general) as an equal individual. He think he has ownership of your body and your decisions. I'd kick him to the curb if I were you.

[gumiinexi]

Not all guys are like that.... there are many men out there who are secure with their relationship with you and who would not try to tell you what they like you to wear, etc. He has no right trying to control you

[DrKitten]

Not all guys are like that.... there are many men out there who are secure with their relationship with you and who would not try to tell you what they like you to wear, etc. He has no right trying to control you

 

Exactly. My BF loves it when I wear skirts and dresses. When we go out in public, we are usually too into each other to even notice if other people are checking me/us out.

[HeartGoesOn]

This sounds like a textbook case of how emotional abuse begins. I would re-evaluate this relationship, and see it for what it is. You deserve better.

 

All the best...

[sophie274]

Well, I find revealing clothes to be kind of trashy and vulgar - and I can understand a guy not wanting his girlfriend to wear super revealing clothing. It could be a matter of taste/attraction, not a matter of insecurity or control. HOWEVER, the dress you posted is FAR from revealing, IMO. For him to be redressing you for showing "skin" and showing yourself off to the world if you're dressing like that is absolutely ridiculous.

 

I'm not sure how I would go about addressing this with him, just wanted to say I agree with the others that he is absolutely out of line.

[guynextdoor]

I'm sure you don't tell him how to dress so why should he be concerned with the way you dress? As long as you dress classy its all good, just don't do the skank look.

[Firiel]

He sounds like a jerk, especially considering the other thread you have written about him. I could understand where he was coming from IF you had changed from dressing very conservatively to dressing very immodestly... but you haven't. That dress you posted is adorable, and it's not immodest by any stretch of the imagination. If he thinks he should have a say in what you wear, it won't be long before he thinks he should have a say in where you go, what you do, and who you talk to.

[Ariel85]

And the reason you're with him, is...?

 

So, he insults you and controls. It's not long before he's picking your friends, your career, what you eat...

 

He is a controlling abuser, and the sooner you admit that and get out, the safer and saner you'll be.

 

BTW, the dress is very conservative.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, why are you still with this guy?

 

I don't wear skin tight clothes but I admit, I wear low cut shirts (mostly because I hate anything coming up around my neck, makes me constricted). The ONLY time my fiance says anything is if I'm like about to fall out of the top (like a nipple is about to be exposed or something) and I take his consideration in and either a) wear a tank under it or b) put a light jacket on. He knows I feel comfortable in shirts like that and all he asks is that I respect him as my fiance to not go to the deep end of trashy clevage, which I have no problem doing because I don't want to go to that end as well and sometimes from my angel the clevage factor looks fine when, in reality, it's FAR more lower than I think it is.

[lavenderdove]

OK, first, that is a NORMAL dress... there is nothing even remotely unusual about that dress nor would it be considered low cut. It just has a normal open collar. You could wear that dress to church and no one would bat an eye.

 

He is totally wrong to try to insinuate anything about you because you choose to wear a NORMAL dress. I think you need to be very careful with this guy, because he obviously has both jealousy issues and some warped ideas about ideas about 'owning' his GF and her body, which is a big red flag about his potential to become abusive and controlling in future if he feels the need to hide your body when you're wearing a normal dress. He also seems really represses sexually if he thinks that dress is revealing.

 

I think next time he walks into a room, you should tell him his pants are too tight, you can see has arse adn package too well, and you've noticed he's started wearing tight pants all the time and you never thought he was such a trashy guy, and see how he likes it! Really, this is about control and his own insecurity and jealousy and feeling that he 'owns' you and his own conflicts about sexuality, and he is just plain wrong to even think that... I frankly would not date someone who said those things, because they are are harbinger of future trouble when he starts to try to control all kinds of things about you and your life.

[Tanzi]

I have read both this and the thread that DrKitten posted a link too. Your bf is way too opinionated in what you wear and what you do with your own body in my opinion. Ok, so he is your boyfriend but that doesn't given him the right to tell you what you should wear and how short you can or can't have your hair cut. It is your body and your hair and if you want to start looking more like the woman you are growing into and less like the tom boy you used to be then that is entirely your right.

 

As far as I'm concerned, apart from a slight hint of cleavage, that dress is rather conservative and I really cannot understand why he would have a problem with you wearing it. If I were you I would tell him that if wants to go out with that young girl you used to be then he can go find himself one but you are now a woman and you would like to both look like one and be respected as one.

 

I know that is a lot easier said than done but in all honesty, do you really want to be controlled in this way? Do you really want to justify every item of clothing you put on or have him come to the hairdressers with you to make sure you aren't cutting it too short? If you make a stand now you may well be able to nip this in the bud. If he wants to be with you then he needs to know that he has to let you flourish and to allow you to become the independent woman you are entitled to be. If he can't or won't change then you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with. Personally I don't think I could put up with it.

[Snny]

I think next time he walks into a room, you should tell him his pants are too tight, you can see has arse adn package too well, and you've noticed he's started wearing tight pants all the time and you never thought he was such a trashy guy, and see how he likes it!

Also add that it makes his junk look too small.

 

Your bf has major issues. I know a lot of guys LOVE it when their girls wear an outfit that reveals cleavage and it makes them go "kekekeke look what I have " in their own minds. He needs a better outlook on life than try to control everything around him.