What do I do if my boyfriend constantly lies - Please help

[tinabobina]

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We first started dating in high school and we decided to stay together for college, even though we are two hours apart. When we are together, our relationship is generally good, but when we are apart, we seem to fight at least once a week.

 

Recently, I have noticed that my boyfriend has been talking to this girl who he's liked on and off during our high school years. I'll admit that it makes me slightly uncomfortable for them to talk, but I don't have a huge problem with it except for the fact that I've noticed that he's constantly lying about it. I confronted him about this and he said that there is nothing going on between them and that he only lies because it's easier than having to deal with the questioning and having to upset me. He blames himself for being a compulsive liar, having adopted this habit as a child.

 

His lying seems petty and uncalled for, as I've never asked him to stop speaking to her or argued with him over her. It really hurts me and breaks my trust that he would so easily lie to my face to the point where even when I confront him about it, he still lies about it until I dig it out of him. He has had a history of emotional cheating during our high school (but we already worked past this, or so I thought) so my trust is wearing very thin. The problem is not that particular girl, as I don’t believe there is anything going on between them, but our future and what trust there will be if this lying continues.

 

I really don’t want to make an ultimatum of having to break up, but I feel like I am out of options. I would greatly appreciate any advice of how to approach this problem without breaking it off.

[Kitkat973]

I don't think it's possible to be in a relationship with someone that lies, especially given the emotional cheating in your past. If he's willing to work on it and DOES show progress, that's one thing. Being in a relationship with someone that you can't trust is another.

[chitown9]

If he is a liar, it is a no go. What are you supposed to do Go through life wondering if he is telling the truth this time, or is this just another lie? You are out of options...chi

[sadchick83]

Personally, I would be checking up on him without breaking up. Test him. Ask him where he was/who he was with a few times when you are certain you know the answer.

If he tells the truth you are good. If he lies, you should start making your exit plan. I was once suspicious of a guy who I thought was lying. For the next little while if he told me he was going out to a place, I would check. It turns out he was telling the truth every time. However, all this really did was buy him more time with me. If you are paranoid about dating a liar, go with a 100% truthful guy. Some people just cannot help themselves and lie all the time. Deal breaker for me. Good luck!

[HeartGoesOn]

There is nothing you can do. He has to recognize that he has a problem, and address it himself.

[Ms Darcy]

How do I treat my cancer without taking chemotherapy because chemotherapy will really hurt?

 

Well you can try hikes, prayer, meditation, lots of sleep, advil, even a raw food diet. Then the cancer, when it worses as expected, then you'll start chemotherapy.

 

Trust is broken. It's so bad that you have to confront him. And it's established that he's a compulsive liar. This is enough of a cancer to break up. Chemo hurts for a while, I won't lie. But it saves you in the long run.