One-sided sex, where she enjoys being fulfilled but then doesn't enjoy sex after

[Matt_P]

Hi all,

 

I've recently just started seeing someone, about 3 months now. We didn't have any real sex for the first couple of months due to waiting on contraception to kick in and basically taking it slowly. During that time i pleasured my girlfriend a lot, touching and orally. To start with, she would come every time and then that was it. I was left just sort of... needing to. After a while i started just kind of masturbating and she would sort of help, but not much to be honest. However, i didn't say anything because i didn't want to offend her, i just said how fun it all was.

 

Shift forward a couple of months, we're having sex 2-3 times when we see each other, but i'm still putting most of the effort into pleasuring her. When she finishes, we keep having sex until i finish but she doesn't seem to enjoy it at all. I kind of feel like i'm inconveniencing her in some way!

 

I asked her last night if she enjoyed sex without being touched and she said she liked it but it just didn't feel anywhere as good. It is steadily getting better and she's doing more things to me that i like, but i have never been in a sexual relationship like this. My past 2 girlfriends really enjoyed *just* sex and then after a bit of teasing we would make each other orgasm.

 

This time it just seems like it's all about getting her there from start to finish then trying to get there myself as quickly as possible. Can anyone shed some light on this? Girls preferably as you may understand this more? Although all comments are greatly appreciated and welcome!

 

Thanks,

 

Matt

[Kitkat973]

It sounds like she's approaching sex with the same mindset that someone approaches masturbation: it's for getting off.

 

It's possible that she's just not really attracted to you, but it's also possible that this is just how sex has always been for her. I think you need to sit down outside the bedroom and talk to her about it.

[DrKitten]

It's hard to say without knowing her general attitude about sex, but It's possible she is shy and doesn't feel very sexually confident about touching you. Do you how experienced she is?

 

Regardless of the reason, she's being selfish. Sex should not be all about her.

 

If it's slowly getting better, she may be just slowly increasing her comfort level and self-esteem with you. Give her positive feedback when she does touch you, let her know how good it feels.

 

Some people however just don't seem to think beyond their own pleasure. Putting forth the effort to please their partner is just not a priority to them. If this turns out to be the case, it might be best to find someone who is more GGG (good, giving, and game).

[Keme]

I'm not sure if this pertains to the situation at all, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Personally, after I have an orgasm, I completely lose interest in anything more after that. Think about it, how badly do you want to continue having sex after you cum? My guess is, probably not at all, and it's usually physically impossible anyway. So you should be able to understand the feeling. I think for some girls, it's the same way. People assume that just because they're physically able to have sex at any time that they're ready to have sex all the time, but that's not always the case. After I orgasm, it even become physically painful for me to have sex a lot of the time. I know not every girl is like this, but I definitely am, so there must be others who are too. It's not always necessarily selfishness.

 

The only solution I've found that works is basically timing it so that we both cum close to the same time. So instead of him working on making me orgasm, we both work to make eachother orgasm at around the same time, preferably me first (for obvious reasons) but the guy as soon after as possible.

[Matt_P]

Hmm, KitKat, i don't think i have any worries about her attraction to me. It's pretty evident she likes me and my body, she says as much all the time and she is rubbish at lying! I think it's more along DrKitten's perceptions. She does tell me she doesn't find herself attractive. God knows why, she's beautiful and has the best figure of anyone i've had the pleasure to be with! She's pretty shy and everytime i tell her she's pretty she points out a part that isn't (and it always is, anyway). She's not doing it for the attention, either. She's just got the low self esteem. I do too, it makes us quite good together.

 

But yeah, this selfish sex is getting in the road a bit. I really, really love having sex. It's one of the major benefits of a relationship to me. I really like her, i don't want to end it just because of this. Plus, as i say, it does keep getting better. You're probably right that this is a comfort level thing. But i don't want to end up 4 months from now getting a little pissed off that i've made her come 800 times and in that time she'll have had a few half hearted attempts. Is it okay to say to a partner that they're not doing enough in the bedroom? How does one even nearly broach that subject without sounding offensive?

 

I'm usually very tactful about these things but just now i can only thinking of saying "uhhh, do more, or it'll be rubbish"

[Matt_P]

Keme, that's probably the best idea... I used to come at roughly the same time as my ex. We managed to have hours of sex first though, teasing each other until we couldn't not both finish. I just wonder, do i have to always be pleasuring her? Because a hand can get pretty tired, especially if i'm on top and supporting with one arm! Sometimes it's nice to just be having intercourse with kissing but that doesn't seem to do it for her

[DrKitten]

How do you think she'd respond if you made it sexy and part of foreplay?

 

Like if you're getting down to it, say something like, "Let me watch that beautiful mouth suck me." It adds a dominating aspect as well.

 

I have my shy moments too sometimes, and a little verbal encouragement always helps!

[Matt_P]

Oh I will try that! Maybe I do need to dominate it more. Outside of sex she's indecisive and I make more plans for us. You could be on to something!