In an open relationship, he's upset at me for making out with one of my friends

[pennyloafer2]

I went out to a bar, with one of my guy friends. Don't have feelings for this guy. I got super drunk, more drunk than I ever have before. He grabbed me and kissed me, I didn't push him away. Then I threw up. Then I came home stumbling drunk. I woke up with a hangover, threw up again, had a hangover for an entire day (I only say this to explain how freaking drunk I was.)

 

I decided to quit drinking. I couldn't handle it.

 

Moreover, I tell the person I'm dating, with whom I am in an open relationship with (physically) is upset with me. We've done the open relationship thing for almost a year, and we haven't had sex with other people, we've both just made out with people.

 

So I tell him about the whole drunk night obviously, because I'm all about honesty. And he's upset.

 

Like I realize I was a moron but we are in an open relationship. I'm so lost as how to approach this without coming off rude.

 

"Um, hey, yeah I can kiss him because we are open." is the only thing I can think of right now.

[DN]

Is he upset because you made out with this guy or that you got so drunk you didn't know what you were doing?

[Angel Irulan]

An open relationship where no one has had sex with anyone else really isn't open until it gets tested by sex with another person. It's been my experience in watching people that most people can't do the open relationship thing, ever. It's human nature to get somewhat jealous. While one could argue that some cultures have polygamous relationships and they are open, I tend to disagree. They are married relationships with a hierarchical nature. An open relationship is almost like an old rock song: "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." By the way, did you realize that the way you wrote your post you give clues that you may have more feelings for your friend than you are willing to admit? Look at your pronoun usage, you took accountability for just about every thing using "I" and then when it came to your feelings about the *friend* you avoided the pronoun and went straight to the verb. That clearly means there is some deception or discomfort on your part. Could it be that your boyfriend picked up on this over time with this friend and thinks more is going on than you're saying????

 

 

The main question I have for you is why you have an open relationship. You aren't specific how this came about and I think it's important. What is the back story to your romance?

[pennyloafer2]

It was initially friends with benefits, so kind of a shaky start. I wanted it to be open.

 

I have no feelings for my friend. I don't have any reason to lie on this forum right now. I really look at him like "One of the girls."

 

You're right. It's not really open.

[rosephase]

Hey I'm in a type of open relationship and it sounds like you guys need to talk a LOT more about what open means in your relationship. Is he upset because he doesn't want you sexually connecting with friends? Or people that know him? Is he upset because he doesn't want you making choices like that when drunk? Is he upset because he doesn't want you kissing _that guy_? Is he upset because you told him about it?

 

You said that you both agreed to be open but how much have you actually talked about it? What are your limits? What are his? You said that neither of you have had sex with other people but you've made out? Do you have rules around safer sex? Do you want to know about each others sexual life outside the relationship? Are there people/places/events that are out of bounds?

 

Open relationships mean MORE communicating not less. You have to talk a ton about what you want/expect/need from your partner and it sounds like you guys haven't been clear about that yet. That is just begging for someone to get hurt because rules that were never stated were broken.

 

Most people don't have to out-line what monogamy is (although I think they should, is flirting okay? talking to your ex? going out with a friend of the opposite sex alone?) they assume that monogamy is simply and clean cut (which sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't) but the moment you become non-monogamous you have to talk about what "open" means to you because everyone has different ideas.

[DylanNotorious]

What does your boyfriend think an Open-Relationship is?

 

I don't think you or him even know. So drop that ridiculous label and just be boyfriend - and girlfriend.