Do we give up or fight?

[edhen]

I had recently broken up with my ex about 1 month ago, we have 2 children together and she is 20. We have had a history of breaks and break ups that lasts for about a week too a month or so and we have been together for 3 1/2 years. alot off our issues were related to isolation in our home and no car etc. while being around each other 24/7. That had recently changed a couple off days ago as i got my license and car

 

. When she left she took off with the kids and moved around 200kms away (which gave me more motivation for a car and license). initially she just said she didn't want too live in Adelaide anymore (after talking too her the day after she ran off without warning) and hated it where we were living etc. as she was staying at her cousins I asked if we should work things out etc. and she said she really wants too and really wanted too move away with each other. We looked at houses with each other on the net but in the mean time we would have an argument or do the silent treatment when i was told that we would try to do "she comes down on weekend then goes back till we found a house" and work on each other slowly. but she would come up with an excuse each time and i would never see her or my kids.

 

Only a few weeks ago she was getting emotionally upset and beg for me too talk too her if i didnt reply etc. and on the phone she shows signs off missing me etc. and said she really wants too work things out. later down the track (about 1 half weeks ago) she said she has started seeing someone else and now her attitude has completely changed. 1 minute she would say she is over me, then a few days later off not talking she would say she much rather be with me considering our history and our little family we created, yet this time she didn't show signs off caring that i didn't contact her as every other time she would go insane. I am not in the good books with her family either but it has been like that for years and she still had worked on us no matter there opinion.

 

Lately i have been pushy and spurting out my emotions and bringing up history, it seems this is leaving a bad effect as it seems too push her away or something. But she said on wednesday she is willing to see me and see how things go and if all goes well then she will stop seeing this other person. But ever since she has been with this person, she has told me that shes falling out off love with me more and more each time she see's him. I feel that this seperation and that she hasnt seen me for over a month might be affecting her feelings for us. but for some reason i cant move on, I tried but i refused too see them again because im not over her. But everytime we were on a break or breakup previously, she never showed signs off giving up and stayed faithful.

 

Yet now its done a 180 and i have tried everything she did to win me back on her but its not working like i was hoping. Theres too much in stake for us too give up, and i need advice on the best approach. I find it hard to believe she is 100% over me, but if she keeps seeing this guy then its making it harder for me to get her to concentration on us etc. is it possible to fight ad really win someone? I know it is for me, because she had done it a few times. But im getting know where, even though she agreed to see me on Wednesday, i still feel like she is going to back out again. She also has a fear that i might run off with the kids or something as we had a history from losing them to each other etc. ANY ADVICE WILL BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED...

[Angel Irulan]

You don't say where you get your money to support a girlfriend who has two children with you? You are talking about emotions and love yet there are some noticeable lacks on how you do business to stay alive day to day. You said you finally got a way to get around (car and license) because she moved away. What did you do before? How did you get to work? What if one of your children needed to get to hospital or doctor as it was ill? How did you grocery shop and who gave you money? If you were fighting over issues like this, it's just as well that she moved. If she's going to take care of two young children she may well have to stay at home and that means you must provide for them all, her and the children. If another guy offered her more stability straight up I will tell you that every girl I've ever known who's been dumped by the dad of her young children has gone out looking for a new dad for them: every last one. It's some kind of bio-genetic-emotional hard wiring we all possess. Why are you refusing to contact her when she has two of your children? Suppose you needed to know something about their interests. I think you sound really immature and need a harsh reality check on what your responsibilities are to her and your children.

 

Angel

[edhen]

@angel. Lets cover this 1 by 1 because you have overly assumed too much and probably stereotyped at the same time. For starters I lost my license over a couple off years ago which I also sold my car at the same time back then. I run a business from home involving web design and media graphics etc. I also notice your view on society is very old fashioned, you say the mother should be looking after the kids and I should just work my ass off to provide for them no matter where they are. I don't mind providing for them but i will not tolerate people believing children are better off with there mothers etc. its disturbing and far beyond the truth. You also said "Suppose you needed to know something about their interests", As mentioned before, I used to have them sometimes when she ran off as such. I changed there nappies, we took turns in bathing them, I played ball with my son, My son came too me all the time when he needed something although the mother was standing next too him at the time. I know my kids inside and out. And how bizarre that you mentioned "What if one of your children needed to get to hospital or doctor as it was ill". As I said, I live in the city while she moved 200kms away in the country without a license or car in a very remote area, as here we caught taxis or buses, there were no dramas here in getting around. I said i didn't talk too her because she let me down too many times and it hurt alot, so I thought not being in her face would help things. I chose not talk too her because I had tried everything else and was getting hurt too much, I was hoping the silent approach would have given her time too think. When I rang alot off the times, She wouldn't answser and she would simply hang up, or we would talk for a few seconds then she would say she has too do something. But after having a break from communication then we make contact, it feels fresh and it feels like I'm getting somewhere, so please think before you criticize, otherwise you are just saying that 99% of the advice's around the net about giving space etc. are all wrong

 

Immature you say? save the lectures for the fathers who do run off and give us fathers who will do anything for there kids a bad name ( bit contradicting considering a father who runs off and leaves there family behind are also considered immature ). By the sounds off it you are also promoting her actions by running off with the kids without warning, Lets say in a completely different scenario, I didn't have any income but my life had always been about my children. Because off that, my kids should not know who there real father is or spend time with him? We had a 50 / 50 custody for our son at 1 stage which eventually was dropped once we decided too work things out again. I don't know where you come from or how your country society takes views on things, but here in Australia we have a stronger support group for equality. Even though its not 100% legit but no matter where the mother or children are, The law will always state that a father shall always have something to do with there children. I can goto court and see my kids again even if the mother wishes not too work things out. I shouldn't have too go through hell and back too see my blood children, I attended all midwife appointments with her and supported her the whole way through the birthing. But court is not something im willing to proceed with atm, it was a very emotional and daunting process last time and while there's still hope for the mother and I, I find working it out will be a better outcome. If i went too court and tried for custody, it could damage my chances with her so im not ready to do that just yet. This thread was initially about my issues with my partner, not so much about my kids, that is a whole new subject that i could spend all day typing about. My kids will never have a "new dad figure" because we were both direct about that. She wouldn't like it if i had a partner who acted like a mother and she is the one who brought up the topic and said no one will ever be a father too our kids, and I consolidate. Btw those issues was not our problems, as stated, We were around each other 24/7 which caused us the problems. Had nothing too do with how we go too the hospital or groceries or doctors etc. we have local mens that ca come out, we have a hospital around the corner, we have money for taxis to get food etc. and eventually she wont have too take care off 2 young children, because I will have custody rights eventually when i decide to goto court. but like I said, im not ready to do that till im sure we are over.

 

If im immature for wanting to work things out while she can take the kids 1 day and not return while making me believe she would be back. Then i really must be on a completely different planet. She has left and came back alot off times and took off with the kids alot off times for self satisfaction, yet each time it has either been a new location or lasted a week or so. HOW IN THE WORLD can you support a child living without security? HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT mothers who find it hard while dragging there kids down with them? There is no stability in this approach for the kids to keep moving and passed around like a yoyo. This might sound a bit direct or defensive but it seems your views are very biased and completely 1 way orientated, sorry, although i can take criticism and normally it makes us a better person etc. but telling me my responsibilities to my children or that i don't know what my responsibilities to my children are, just made your post completely irrelevant, for me anyways. My role and responsibilities for them, is to be a father and offer them the protection they need etc. While im not with her, No i do not need to support her, but yes I will continue supporting my children. While she was here I supported us all, so please don't assume things.