Any Hope???

[Baudilaire]

A month ago my ex broke up with em. I was at his house after work and I was basically telling him that when I say I love you I wasn't always sure that I meant it. Ok so he dropped me home and that same night he broke up with me. He told me that his feelings for me had changed and that he had love for me but wasn't in love with me. He said he wanted to be friends and I said no then he said please and a few days after I accepted being his friends.

Now during my last time at his house he was being the same boyfriend that he always is and when I was unsure about going home he turned the car around and brought me back to his. If he didn't feel for me like he said then he wouldn't have been telling me to come back to his or telling me to sit next to him so we could be near each other. When we spoke before I left the house he said ' i think you want me to be something I'm not' He was also asking me what I wanted to do about the situation and he even called his mum whilst she was on holiday to ask her opinion. He keeps saying he doesn't want to lead me on or waste my time etc. He said that his feelings had gone recently but during that time he was always calling me and we were fine with each other. He would ask me if I missed him and he wouldn't let me put the phone down till I said I did. At times when the phone convos were dead I would say I'll call you later and he would then say 'no I'm talking to you now' even if the convo was dead. Once we had an issue about who would visit who because of the travelling and I said I couldn't and he came down to see me.

Once I was ill and he went to the shop and told me he was getting a drink and came back with flowers for me. He even bought me shoes a few weeks before the break up. ??? link removed

Ok so the saying 'you never know what you have till it's gone' could never have been so true. I realised just how much I loved him and on several occasions I told him that we should try again. At first he was open to it but said he needed time. I'm a very impatient person so sadly I sort of pressured him. We were friends and everything was ok except we were broken up. The one day out of the blue he came to my house and said we could try agian because he said he'd been unfair. Ok so we were together again. During this time I wasn't getting anything out of him. He didn't seem like he was ready. Our phone conversations were lame and he would always fall asleep before I got home from work to call him again.

This lasted 6 days. On the 6th day we went to see a film and during the film I said to him that I thought it was best that we do the friend thing till uni starts because there we have more time. He agreed to this but two days later when I asked him he said I think we should call it a day. This turned me into a wreck and I was practially pleading with him for a week. I sent him a text saying I understand and I will give you what you want in terms of us not being together and he said 'kl I know your a strong girl and you will be fine soon' Some days ago I sent him a very long text just telling him about my feelings and hoping it would spark his emotions up. He didn';t respond but I text him the nxt day asking to hang out just as friends. He was busy and the next day he was busy so I just said to him do you want me to leave you alone. He said yes for now. I asked him if there was someone else and he said 'NO just relax'. Obviously I have pushed him away. I was unaware of NC at the time. It's been a month since the relationship ended. We never fought or anything we were growing as a couple and we loved each other genuinely. We spent so much time together in university. Now it's the holidays he has to work at his father business which will be his next year. He told me it's stressful and takes up his time too and when he's at uni he's free and has more time.

I have no option now but to do NC but I want to know what you all make of the situation. He was once open to trying and I know I forced him away but everyone I speak to (males) are confused about his sudden loss of feelings and they say to give him time. (Don't know if that will work anymore). He is now rude to me and doesn't even speak to me nicely. He seems to get fed up and annoyed with me now??? HELP

[CatsMeeoow]

You need to accept that he ended it. Simple fact you cannot change by pleading/texting/etc.

 

You need to give him some space to figure out what it is that he wants. The more bombarded he is by you the more he will pull away from you - simple human emotion.

 

It was very confusing for you to hear he has broken up with you but then didn't want to cut the ties... it left you strung along and was truly unfair to you... but cut the ties he has now. You have to accept it.

 

It is very possible to love someone very dearly... to be the one and then to be left behind. It happens frequently.

 

Maybe with time (a lot of time) he will recognize what he is missing out on but there is not guarantee. Sometimes people just drift apart and there isn't anything you can do about it except accept it.

 

I know this is very painful. You need to keep yourself busy and find a new routine which has nothing to do with him.

 

Good Luck

[BONO]

Hey !

 

I use to live in London - great place. I went through a similar situation and got them back.

 

Let me know if you want to know more ;-) !

[Baudilaire]

Yes I would appreciate you telling me more.

 

I can't keep myself busy because a minute doesn't go past that I don't think about him. I accept it all now that it's over and I wont be contacting him but all I want to know is what everyone makes of the situation. Of course I am hurt but at the moment I just want to know peoples opinions

[endy]

Yes I would appreciate you telling me more.

 

I can't keep myself busy because a minute doesn't go past that I don't think about him. I accept it all now that it's over and I wont be contacting him but all I want to know is what everyone makes of the situation. Of course I am hurt but at the moment I just want to know peoples opinions

 

 

Are you both quite young? It's hard to let go, it really is sometimes, but that's what you need to do for you. People prefer suffering and pain that's familiar. It's going to take time. Right now just embrace the emotions and work through them. It's going to get better. You both seemed quite overly attached to each other.

 

The situation itself seems odd. He was obviously confused and didn't know what he wanted. When you started pushing and pushing... he pulled back which is normal. Forcing someone or being clingy needy is just not attractive. It's actually the opposite. Do not be mad at yourself for this. Virtually everyone who goes through a breakup does it until they become more independent and strong on their own two feet. You just need to let go at this point. Check out the guide at the bottom of my signature. You'll be ok and find someone else. Don't worry about that. Right now just work through your emotions. Don't supress them or repress them. Invite them up, and deal with them.

[Baudilaire]

I'm 20 and he's 21. I think that's a reasonable age to have strong feelings for each other.See you find it odd to just like everyone I've spoken to. I don't think we were overly attached or maybe the fact that we had comfort in having someone at uni was why we were so attached to each other.

[endy]

You both are quite young. Is this your first real serious relationship? His behavior was odd, but he may have never felt like this before. It's all new to the both of you. Some people don't deal with emotions like others. Sometimes people just grow apart but it's obvious that the fact is... He has no idea what he wants. All you need to do is take care of yourself right now, move on, don't wait, and live a happy life. That means going NC and healing for yourself. If he comes back he does. If not you're going to put yourself in a better position.

 

All that matters here is his actions which was breaking off the relationship. Take it, accept it, and start healing. It's hard, it's real hard at first but try NC and keep it no matter what. No excuses.

[BONO]

This is what I posted on another thread but the same applies.

 

Do you think you will get the real answer if you ask " I feel i need to know what is going on ? "

 

Even if you did, which you wont probably because he does not know himself or cant find it in himself to tell you ( not a bad thing btw ) would it suddenly change things ? No.

 

It is impossible to apply logic to emotion. Emotions come from feelings and not from logic.

 

 

This is what I suggest. What you are feeling is a loss of power to control a situation that you thought was there. What I mean by this is you have no control on this decision. Its the same as being fired without the emotional bit.

 

This said, thats the rub !! What you have now in your favor is wonderful. Think about it ! Turn the tables as soon as you can.

 

Agree with the his decision as soon as possible then give him the best gift in the world - the gift of missing you by remaining silent . Remove him from Facebook asap if he asks why tell him its because you are letting him go with love and are moving on with love. ( 4 clicks it takes to re add later )

 

No begging no sms no drunk calls no smoke signals. You no longer exist, in his mind.

 

You have to tell him that although you disagree with his decision you will respect it.

 

He has to respect your decision to have no contact and let you move on. He has already said he does not want to be with you, so give him that and watch the emotion creep up inside him killing his logic.

 

At this point it seems rubbish to focus on this. But remember, turn the tables - people always want the things they cant have !!

 

FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT

 

Make sense ?

 

Yes I would appreciate you telling me more.

 

I can't keep myself busy because a minute doesn't go past that I don't think about him. I accept it all now that it's over and I wont be contacting him but all I want to know is what everyone makes of the situation. Of course I am hurt but at the moment I just want to know peoples opinions

[Baudilaire]

Makes sense

You said you had a similar situation. What was it???