facesnotseen Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I took her off so that I wouldn't be tempted to keep tabs on her, and she just sent an email asking if it meant that we couldn't be friends anymore. Should I respond, or just continue NC? I'd hate to seem rude, because I'm interested in reconciling and wouldn't want her to take it the wrong way. On the other hand, she could just be trying to get a reaction out of me to make sure I'm still there. I'm going out of town for the next 3 days and I leave tomorrow. I wouldn't be checking my email during that time anyways so maybe I'll just wait for some responses from everyone to see what the best thing to do is. Thanks for any suggestions guys. You all are a tremendous help! Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 No go N.C. You took her off your friends list from Facebook because part of you wants to move on. If you respond to her email, then you would have to re-add her to facebook, something you were trying to avoid looking at! So which is it? Do you want to be over her, or do you want to keep tabs on her? And why does she want to be friends? She must know how you feel, and by taking her off facebook shows that you do not just want friendship. So I say ignore her email. Link to comment
LLammas Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I agree with DylanNotorious. The best thing to do is stay NC. You removed her from your facebook because you wanted to avoid hearing about her life. Responding to her email only opens up a line of communication that could lead to getting hurt. If she wants to get back together, she'll let you know. Until then, your best bet is to keep a distance and let her wonder about you. She obviously noticed and is thinking about you! Link to comment
WildHorse Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I would respond to tell her that you want all or nothing-- either a committed relationship, or no contact. I would tell her that you are not interested in downgrading to a friendship, but you wish her the best and you hope she understands. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 As stated here by so many wise ENA'rs before me.....(and God I wish I listened to them the first time!! LOL) You can't make a mistake by doing nothing. Link to comment
Wildcars Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I deleted my ex off facebook, because i didn't wanted to get hurt everytime i see her... So i would agree, don't respond, and don't re-add her.. If she wants to reconcile, she will phone or text you, she knows where you are.. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Many of us look for any excuse to break "NC," and unless you hear the words "let's try again," you're only chasing a dead horse. She already knows that you're "still there," and you want to reconcile, therefore why not give her the gift of missing you? Either way, there are no guarantees, but silence does carry a strong message, while at the same time gives you a chance to heal, and be able to think clearly. Link to comment
Wildcars Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 The key here is to let yourself cool off, and think clearly.. By even glancing at her on fb, it's going to hamper your healing process.. Trust me, i did all the adding her back, deleting her, hiding her, etc etc.. All that you can do is to get to a point where you really don't care what she does in her life.. Carry on with your life, and if you guys are meant to be, then you guys are meant to be... Link to comment
learning2relax Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Can you block her texts for now until you get to a better place? As much as they say they don't want to be with us, they selfishly don't want anyone to be either. You took the right steps with removing her from your FB. You want to do everything you can to not accidentally stick your hand in the hornets nest and hurt. A lot of smart phones have apps that will allow you to blacklist so that you don't see calls or texts. Works wonders while you are healing. Link to comment
facesnotseen Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 Thanks for the quick responses guys! Fortunately, I didn't respond and I've decided to stay NC. I realized that a question like that is just silly really. Does she think that a website determines where we stand in each other's lives? I'm sorry, but Facebook doesn't decide if we're friends, lovers, or anything. Besides, what would it matter if we were friends on FB during this time anyways? She knows that we won't be talking for a while... *sigh* Link to comment
luminousone Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I agree with Wildhorse - let her know that you are doing this for your own healing, and that the only way you would accept a message from her in the future is if she is willing to reconcile in a committed relationship with you. Otherwise you will continue NC. And then - NC - and stick with it! Often I have seen an ex use the other as emotional support ("friends") while they play the field and get more comfortable in their new single status. It's up to you to set the healthy boundaries, for your own sake! You did the right thing by deleting her off FB - it can be so painful to see what they are doing and who they are with! If she is truly still interested, then she will jump through the hoops necessary. Link to comment
Wildcars Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 luminousone, it's Wildcars not Wildhorse.. lol.. But ya, if she would want to contact you for something important, i don't think FB is the right channel.. Link to comment
SparklyBoots Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I personally don't believe in ultimatums - or just ignoring someone completely for the sake of NC....does it hurt to send a brief message along the lines of right now friends just isn't possible for you as you need to heal and move on but who knows what the future brings. It doesn't come over as rude, doesn't burn bridges and gives an option later on of reconnecting even as friends if you ever feel that way inclined. It also gives you the option of never being in contact again, but at least you have been civil and not ignored. Link to comment
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