Does anyone here have a GOOD relationship with their ex?

[laxster]

My ex and I decided that we are extremely close and care deeply for one another, but that we are better as friends right now, and that a relationship between us isn't in the foreseeable future. A lot of it has to do with the 5 year age difference (he said that I have a lot of wisdom, but that he needs to find stuff out on his own instead of me using my past experiences to tell him whether something is a bad idea) and the fact that our personalities are so strong and opinionated. In many ways, it's like we are the same person or siblings.

 

We have a lot of fun together and enjoy each other's company.

 

A small part of me hopes that one day we'd get back together, but I have no expectations at this point. I just enjoy his company and we hang out once or twice a week, still text each other, and talk on the phone regularly. We're planning a vacation together as well. Of course, we started off as good friends, so returning to being friends wasn't difficult after taking a couple months break after dating.

 

Does anyone else have amicable or are even good friends with their ex? I just see a lot of negativity in this forum and would like to hear from others who are good friends with their ex!

[LTS48]

I tried it for a few months. It led to me over-analyzing and grasping at straws so I ended it. This has been a pattern with me in the past though, so it was more my problem with hers. She seemed to be fine with being just friends (obviously she had a new boyfriend to assuage any pain I might cause her.)

 

It depends on the person. I will say that if you want to work towards reconciliation you should take some time to just be apart and let him learn those lessons without you in his life. If he learns them with you in his life he will more than likely question why he needs you as anything more than a friend at all.

[Fudgie]

I think if you start off being good friends BEFORE the relationship, then sometimes it's possible to go back to being good friends afterward. That's after everyone has healed though. That's paramount.

 

Most people are not friend with their SO before dating. So their foundation is primarily romantic and that's why the vast majority of people aren't good friends with their exes, at least not without some MAJOR weirdness.

 

I think if it's working for you and you feel good, keep doing it! If you guys have always had a solid friendship, it would be a shame to throw that away. It depends on the couple but I don't believe that all pre-existing friendships are somehow "Trashed" after the romance part is over.

[orchidrose]

LOL, nope, sorry. My first ex still tries to e-mail me on a regular basis, but he's engaged now, so I don't feel comfortable speaking with him (he's always had a tendency to take things further than "friends" with me). I dated my second ex for two months and we still run in the same circle of friends, but it took him until two years after our break-up to even acknowledge me when we were at the same get-togethers. And the most recent one was just too hard to stay friends with - another situation where we couldn't just be friends, it would have to be more.

 

I do have a friend who is friends with every last one of her exes though. They hang out all the time, exchange e-mails, etc. Frankly I find it a little bit strange, but it makes them happy, so whatever.

[XxJustMexX]

I'm best friends with an ex. But our situation is different. He's been a good friend of mine for almost 15 years and were friends for a good 10 before we tried dating. We only dated about 6 months until he went on a bi-polar depression and broke up with me. I got over it quickly as I realized I will always love him no matter what anyway, so I figured I'd be happy loving him as only a friend as well. He's also my best girlffriend's brother so I didn't have a choice whether he'll be in my life or not anyway so we made the best of the situation and remained the best of friends.

 

He's admitted he never should have left me and regrets it, but I also made it known that I would not date him again and he knows this. We have a mutual understanding and have no problems and are right back to the way it was before we'd dated. It was a great 6 months when we dated but I found that he's as good a friend if not better than a boyfriend so that's the way I prefer our relationship to be.

 

It's actually the weirdest relationship I have with anyone actually. I find him to be the only guy I can go to with my problems and his shoulder is always there to cry on without him expecting anything in return. There's absolutely no romantic feelings involved (at least for me, he claims not to as well), I feel nothing sexual with him but we get to keep the perks of still having each other.

[SicFounder]

I'm good friends with ONE of my exes. We talk almost every day. But to be honest, it really hurt for the first 2 years after we broke up. She started dating and I hated it. We've had some intimate moments together during our friendship, but we both know it doesn't mean anything. It's just left over feelings from 5 years ago.

 

The biggest obstacle is jealousy. And, if you two ever decide to try things again, will you still be interested? My ex and I tried after about 3 years apart and honestly I just didn't have the same feelings I had for her when I was 15, so it didn't last more than 3 days.

[rosephase]

I'm pretty close with a couple of my ex's. I love them deeply and enjoy having them in my life. But to be honest it took years for our friendships to be healthy (meaning neither of us were trying to get back into the relationship or were being hurt when we hung out) It can work... but you really have to be over each other. My test is normally when they or I start dating someone else. Sometimes I stay away from building a friendship until one or both of us have other partners.

[Mustachio]

Yea I have a good relationship with my ex... we dont talk anymore, probably the best possible relationship I could have with her.

 

But in all seriousness, from my observations it is incredibly difficult to go from a relationship back to being friends without a significant amount of time inbetween and usually when the breakup was less than mutual its a lot more difficult for the one who did not want the breakup to adjust back to being friends.

[capilot]

I'm on great terms with most of my exes.

[Edmund Exley]

I have a very good relationship with an ex of 12 years ago. We were together for about 5 years. We went through a little bit of discomfort when we broke up, but we decided not to hate each other and have always been able to communicate with each other when necessary even all these years later. Its funny, because just a couple of years ago via Facebook we discussed our break up and her side of why she felt we should break up back than was completely different than the version I had in my head.

[MasterPo]

Nope. If I run into one the talk is usually brief and civil. Probably my fault in some fashion but like I said, brief and civil. Some can do it, I apparently cannot. A shame really because there are some awesome memories I would love to rehash. Awesome but painful I imagine for them.

[TakingtheBlame]

Yup, I have a good relationship with all of my exes, to varying degrees. A few of my more casual relationships culminated in close friendships, and I'm on a civil, occasional IM/text/call/"see ya when I see ya" basis with two of my more serious past boyfriends. I haven't spoken to my most recent ex since we broke up two weeks ago, but I think that I will reach out to him in time, if he doesn't reach out first. Life is too short to have enemies, I say...but I guess all of my relationships have also ended somewhat civilly (if not mutually) so that helps.

 

I would not recommend being friends with a recent ex though. Time must elapse and space must be had before feelings can be properly processed and fade away.

[thejigsup]

I am not friendly in any way, shape, or form with any of my exes but one. We ran in the same social circle and had all the same friends, plus he was always very honest with me and that scored him big points with me, most men have lied to me about little and big things and that turns me off! I can't say we are buddy-buddy or anything, but we still talk from time to time and there are no hard feelings on either side even though we loved each other dearly and lived together for a long time. He is just a good person and there are not too many of them around these days. I've pretty much forgotten most of the others from my past. I'm very good at blanking people out of my mind.

[whes]

One of my exes is one of my closest friends. I'm even in his bridal party at his wedding. We didn't talk after we broke up for a while, but then started talking again and discovered we were much better suited to each other as friends.

[RitaTrue]

As for me, my ex and I are friends. But we're not "just friends" emotionally. We both still like each other, but are incompatible. On the day of the break up, we went from "boyfriend-girlfriend" STRAIGHT to "friends."

 

I feel TREMENDOUS guilt wanting to go NC. Because sometimes when he talks, it's like he's bleeding tears. Also, ideally I'd want to be friends after this, legit friends. But only time will tell in that area.

 

I think if you start off being good friends BEFORE the relationship, then sometimes it's possible to go back to being good friends afterward. That's after everyone has healed though. That's paramount.

 

I've heard the same thing. That its important to heal to have a good friendship, instead of just civility.

 

I'm pretty close with a couple of my ex's. I love them deeply and enjoy having them in my life. But to be honest it took years for our friendships to be healthy (meaning neither of us were trying to get back into the relationship or were being hurt when we hung out) It can work... but you really have to be over each other. My test is normally when they or I start dating someone else. Sometimes I stay away from building a friendship until one or both of us have other partners.

 

Thats very ballsy of you. After getting someone new, they COULD be like, "Hey, you dropped me. You didnt talk to me. Now, why're you trying? I got someone new: screw you!" Well, thats MY worst case scenario anyway, hahahaha.

 

I have a very good relationship with an ex of 12 years ago. We were together for about 5 years. We went through a little bit of discomfort when we broke up, but we decided not to hate each other and have always been able to communicate with each other when necessary even all these years later. Its funny, because just a couple of years ago via Facebook we discussed our break up and her side of why she felt we should break up back than was completely different than the version I had in my head.

 

Yeppers. Aside from incompatability, my ex and I had different reasons for wanting to leave to. Him: my chronic shyness and yearn for introverted privacy. Me: his controlling nature and tendencies to be overly accommodating to others.