True or False??? If you don't feel loved, your probably not.

[lostnva]

Okay, so I will try and break it all down for ya real quick. This is an email I sent to someone. I edtied for this post. I hope it makes sense.

 

I have always been in long term relationships. My whole life. Six years, then one and half, then two, then four. My four year relationship was with my ex, before my current bf (sons father). He, was the love of my life. We were engaged, and he lived with me. I worked with his (ex) wife for a year and half, but 4 years prior to us hooking up. This is gonna be very confusing but try and follow me.

 

I was at a party Memorial Day weekend 04. I saw my now ex. He was still married to my ex co-worker. However, he was unhappy. We hooked up and 4 weeks later he was living with me. We lived in my apartment and I did everything for him. Basically, when she found out that we were together she filed for custody of his 2 girls and told them he was a pot head (he was). So, I did everything over the next couple years to get him visitation to see his girls. I bought us a house (the house I live in now), which is way more than I needed (1800 sq.ft., 4 bedrooms, pool, garage, etc...). But, I did it for him and his girls. The day I closed on my house, his mom died. His 80 year old grandmother had to come live with us. As well as her dog. So, she lived with us and I quit work to stay home and care for her. Her income made up for my loss. So, I cared for her and went back to school. 6 months later she died and 6 weeks after that the dog died. So I get a awesome dream job. Great! Well, 2 weeks after that, my ex decided he was depressed and left me. I was devastated. Sick. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't think straight. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I lost so much weight, and almost lost my job, car and house. See past post for the details of our breakup. Fast forward....

 

Somehow, I pulled through (I'm a beast).

 

So, for the year we were broken up, we would always talk, and or text. We even hung out a few times. Our dogs were our babies, so he would come by to visit them. For some reason, I allowed him to stay in my life.

 

Fast forward again...I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't date anyone for at least a year. One year later my current bf (father of my one year old) comes along. He was fun, cute, smart, etc!!! 6 weeks after we met on a drunken night we decided we should have a baby. So, my son was planned, just not carefully. He moved in with me, and yeah, not good. I was a horrible pregnant person, and I think I made him hate me. I didn't love him then, but after my son was born I did. So, since the birth of my son, I have done everything to make our relationship work. But, he does nothing. He's the best dad ever. We are both very in love with our son. I just don't feel like he loves me. We don't talk much. We don't have sex. He texts everybody all day, but not me. He say he loves me, but doesn't show it all. EVER! I JUST DON"T FEEL LOVED!!! With my ex, I ALWAYS felt loved. We had a very affectionate and loving relationship.

 

In the middle of all this drama in my life, my best friend of 17 years couldn't make my baby shower. After her and my other best friend had planned it. Well, I let it go. Whatever, it is what it is. My best friend (17 years), became very distant. A few weeks after my shower her husband, who she was separated from came over with their daughter. Her daughter says to me, "we saw (insert my exs name) at the baseball and sat with him". I started thinking, and so did her husband, (who I have also been friends with forever)! A few weeks later when my son was 6 weeks old, I find out my best friend, of 17 years and my ex fiance are now "together". So, I went to her house, and kicked her ass (kidding, but I did punch her in the face). Only a little satisfaction. Let me also say, that my ex bffs husband, and my ex had become very good friends during our relationship. So, not only did they * * * * me, they * * * * ed my ex bffs husband as well. There's more. Like my current bf's cousin and and my ex bff are friends and hangout. So, bfs cousin who we see regularly, hangs out with my ex bff and ex fiance.

 

My bf now has never even came close to making me feel the way my ex did.

 

What's wrong with me? Is it a true statement, that if you don't feel loved, your not?

[Kitkat973]

I think it depends some on your expectations from a relationship. If they're unrealistic, then I think you can be loved and not feel it. From what you've said about your situation, though, it sounds like this isn't the case- have you talked about your sex life with him?

 

One thing I noticed in your post was a lot of concentration on your ex. Obviously, this isn't that relationship, and you can't hold it to the same standards. Is it the feeling of being loved that you miss, or that specific relationship?

 

Have you looked into anger management for your issues with violence?

[lostnva]

I was 6 weeks postpartum when I found out about the 2 of them. So it was very out of my character to go to her house and punch her in the face. Not what I would usually do. So I don't think anger management is an issue.

 

I have talked to my bf about our issues. Numerous times. Nothing changes. I have told him that I don't feel loved. Nothing changes. The sad thing is, I feel attracted to other men. When I have been in love before I WOULD NEVER even look at another guy. I feel like my bf is my roommate. He's a GREAT dad. So what in the world do I do???? Put my sons happiness before mine? He always comes first.

 

I still think about my ex and my ex bff. A LOT! I'm hate what they are doing. Maybe I am being unrealistic. Maybe I should just be content with feeling not loved. I just don't know. Ugh...why can't I feel so in love like I did with my ex....

[Ms Darcy]

Wow, so started seeing your ex while he was still married, had a baby with a dude you don't know, and you punched your friend for dating your ex?

 

I don't know what's wrong with you ... but there definitely something. The first is trying to create a relationship witth someone who isn't in love with you. You're just going to stay frustrated.

[lostnva]

Wow, so started seeing your ex while he was still married, had a baby with a dude you don't know, and you punched your friend for dating your ex?

 

I don't know what's wrong with you ... but there definitely something. The first is trying to create a relationship witth someone who isn't in love with you. You're just going to stay frustrated.

 

OUCH.... That was harsh. But I can take it

[Capricorn3]

It sounds like you are more hung up on your EX, than your own boyfriend. Maybe he senses that and also that you are attracted to other men - hence you don't get that "loving feeling" from him anymore? (Totally understandable imo).

 

That said, I would also suggest anger management. Punching people in their face is not what one would deem as normal behaviour. You have a child. This is not the kind of example you want to set for him.

[tresqua]

What's wrong with me? Is it a true statement, that if you don't feel loved, your not?

 

You buy a house for a guy so he can visit his kids because he lost custody due to drug use, his grandmother and dog move in, you quit your job to take care of grandma, and he ends up leaving you. You then have a child with a guy who you don't love and then wonder why he doesn't love you, and then you go to an old friends house and punch her in the face because she slept with an ex.

 

If I got that right you got much bigger problems than not being loved.

[Kitkat973]

I was 6 weeks postpartum when I found out about the 2 of them. So it was very out of my character to go to her house and punch her in the face. Not what I would usually do. So I don't think anger management is an issue.

 

From the way you worded your post, bragging about it, I DO think that it's an issue.

[tresqua]

I was 6 weeks postpartum when I found out about the 2 of them. So it was very out of my character to go to her house and punch her in the face. Not what I would usually do. So I don't think anger management is an issue.

 

Yeah lots of pregnant women go to old friend's houses and punch them in the face.

 

I'd imagine it's a regular occurrence in neighborhoods all over the country.

[lostnva]

You guys are ruthless. That's okay. I posted, so I can take it.

Can someone respond to, If you don't feel loved, then your probably not?

 

I already know my faults. After all, I did point them out to you. No need to quote what I said. I feel horrible enough. Thanks.

[Capricorn3]

Can someone respond to, If you don't feel loved, then your probably not?.

Not necessarily. It depends on your expectations. One can be very much loved, but if one is unrealistic, you may not realise how loved you are.

[Seraphim]

Not necessarily. It depends on your expectations. One can be very much loved, but if one is unrealistic, you may not realise how loved you are.

 

I think that is very true. I often have trouble with that. And you are right it is all in the expectations and perceptions.