Jump to content

so I've just been exiled by all my friends and now some people want to jump me


Cmaj7th

Recommended Posts

I'm at a loss here. I've hung out with the same tight knit group of people for the last six years or so. Now none of them will talk to me anymore. In the group there was a guy named K, we were close in highschool but since we graduated I started to not like his personality. We bicker alot because he's close minded and combative, Im embarassed to be with him in public because he's always making stangers uncomfortable, and I dont agree with some of the choices he makes (excessive gambling, drug dealing) while his family is in financial turmoil.

 

I was nice to him for the sake of everyone else but I realized I personally could do without his friendship. He was always nice to me, I just found him obnoxious and didn't enjoy his company or conversation. we only hung out when other people invited him somewhere and I always cringed.

 

anyway he used to date my best friend T. T and K broke up over a year ago, since then she has dated and he has not. T and K dated for two years. I've had feelings for T since she dated K but never acted on them. About six months ago T and I slept together drunkenly at a party but then decided to stay friends.

 

After awhile I couldnt deny the feelings that I had for her anymore it was making me miserable. She had them for me as well. T and I were best friends, even when she dated K she had a better emotional connection with me. We always understood each other and never judged. We could talk about anything and confided in each other. We always leaned on each other when things got bad. She was by far the person I talked to the most, the strongest connection I had with anyone.

 

so we began to date. I didnt tell K about it because it wasnt serious yet. She was on the fence about me for sleeping with her then saying I didnt like her after, apparently that broke her heart and we were taking things very slow. anyway one day someone let it slip in front of K that we were dating and K went crazy. he asked T if we slept together and she told him. he went even more crazy.

 

so now my best friend of nine years refuses to speak to me along with several others. they all think I betrayed K. what I dont get is how they have de-friended me when I've always been great to them. they wont even hear me out. if you want to look at it as a betrayal then I guess it is. but I didnt consider K a close friend. I cared about him as a person but I didnt like him very much. why would I choose how someone who I dont like very much feels over how I feel? why would I sacrifice a potential relationship with a person who is already my best friend over someone I dont like hanging out with?

 

maybe I should have been honest with K. but I dont think its fair for everyone to have exiled me without even hearing my side. I didnt do it just to do it, I tried to ignore my feelings for her but it made me miserable. I didnt think I should have to choose Ks happiness when I dont like him very much over my own and my best friends. now a bunch of Ks korean friends want to jump me. and some of my friends have said its not a big deal because he stopped them. but what the hell?!?! how is that a reasonable reaction? even if he stopped them he is giving a warped version of this story that is so intense it causes complete strangers to want to hurt me.

 

am I wrong? should I have been unhappy for someone I dont care for? are my "friends" justified in exiling me? should I hold K to the same standards they do even though I dont feel the same?

Link to comment

I'd find some new friends. You're hanging out with people you don't even like, and, worse, getting involved in drama with serious criminals. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

 

I don't really think any of you owe anyone else anything. I'd just move on, with or without the girl. But definitely without K. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy I'd want to get on the wrong side of.

Link to comment

This is just me, and I am not the last word on this subject, but I would not have done that. You may not like K, but he is someone who means a lot to your friends and that would have put a big, huge, STOP sign in front of my eyes. I have had several relationships in my life, lovers come and lovers go, but I've had the same friends for almost 40 years. Friends mean as much, if not more, to me as lovers do. So, no, I would not have done what you did. That being said, they were broken up when you started dating her, so your groups is acting more than a little immature. I don't think ANYONE is worth losing your friends, but are these people truly friends? Think about it and try and talk it out with someone from the group.

Link to comment
This is just me, and I am not the last word on this subject, but I would not have done that. You may not like K, but he is someone who means a lot to your friends and that would have put a big, huge, STOP sign in front of my eyes. I have had several relationships in my life, lovers come and lovers go, but I've had the same friends for almost 40 years. Friends mean as much, if not more, to me as lovers do. So, no, I would not have done what you did. That being said, they were broken up when you started dating her, so your groups is acting more than a little immature. I don't think ANYONE is worth losing your friends, but are these people truly friends? Think about it and try and talk it out with someone from the group.

 

I understand what you're saying completely. I hold my friends in the highest regard (well I did...) due to family problems and them having filled that void. If it were any of the others besides K I would never consider dating their ex no matter the circumstances. The reason I dated Ks ex is because I knew a long time ago the only reason him and I still talked was because of everyone else. I didn't think I should have to hold him to the same standard as my other friends because that is not what he was to me.

 

With that said I never thought K would react the way he did. I mean rallying troops up to want to jump me is beyond ridiculous and I take that as a threat against my life. I also didnt think everyone would automatically side with him without hearing my point of view because I really have been great to all of them. I'm probably the most compassionate one out of all of us, they have problems expressing/dealing with their emotions and others, so whenever anyone was upset I was the go to guy.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...