is expecting a response to what I said in an email annoying?

[yellowjello]

I'm on vacation right now, and me and my boyfriend email eachother. About a week ago I wrote him an email telling him I can't wait to see him and as soon as I see him I want to make love with him and I talked about how amazing it will be etc etc and I also talked about how after that we can be really dirty blah blah and I was just basically talking about what I wanted to do with him when I get back and how much it means to me.

 

For a week, he never replied (but we still talked online) so when we talked I would remind him to reply. I would tell him I'm waiting for his reply because I really want to know what he thinks. Just yesterday, he said he can't reply because he has an exam he needs to study for but he will reply tomorrow. I said okay but tell me in one line what you real quick. He said 'yeah it's fine'. I thought he meant telling me is fine with him...so I said "okay tell =)" He said "I already did lol - it's fine". So I guess "it's fine" is what he thinks.

 

Then the next day I was in a really bad mood and I sent him a message saying how sad I am. He asked what's wrong. I said don't forget about the email, reading it might make me feel better.

 

Then later he replied to my email. HOWEVER in the reply he said nothing about what I said in the email. He just talked about his day and other random stuff. It was a fresh email - it had nothing to do with mine.

 

So I replied back saying "Lol babyyyy what about all that stuff i wrote in the last email ! - i

wrote a lot about what i wanted to do with you when i get back and how

i think it will be and i really wanted to know what you think that

was the main reason i kept asking you to reply lol i wanted your

response here ill forward you the last one so you know what im

talking about" And I forwarded the other email saying "this is the email I was talking about".

 

Then I noticed that gmail put both of those (my reply, and the forwarded email) together in the conversation so I sent another email saying "Hi i sent you two mails -one was a reply and one was a forward. But

gmail put them both together in a conversation so make sure you click

on both lol"

 

Then he messaged me saying "you're so annoying!" I went online and talked to him and he said "you're so annoying with your emails !!! Can you let me live a little lol. The whole point of emails is to be free and write whatever you want, not be demanding lol" I responded saying "lol yeah but you should also respond to what the other person says right lol I'm sorry though, I put a lot into that email and I just wanted to know what you thought that's all". He didn't respond and then later I messaged him and changed the topic and we talked about other stuff.

 

Is it just me or is there something wrong here? Was I wrong to expect him to respond? I'm so confused. I feel like throughout the week I made myself clear that I was expecting him to respond and I made it clear that I really wanted to know what he thinks ... so how is it annoying now that I ask him for it? What else am I supposed to do?

[myhonestanswer]

I think pushing the matter is kind of annoying, sorry.

 

Some people just don't like committing dirty talk to writing, you know? It doesn't mean he doesn't feel it or think it, he just probably doesn't want to type it out so that it remains in the ether forever.

 

Give the guy a break!

[whes]

If someone pestered me that much just over an email, you bet I'd be a bit annoyed by it. If he didn't want to respond to that particular subject matter, don't harp on it. Nagging is always annoying. I would feel pretty uncomfortable writing that kind of stuff too. It'd feel cheap and forced. A bad imitation of the real thing, which is awesome and passionate. To me, writing that sort of thing would feel degrading.

[yellowjello]

Nooo it wasnt dirty talk. It was emotional stuff. Its hard to explain unless you read the email but i was just talking about how excited i am and how its my dream come true and stuff. Plus he talks dirty talk online with me all the time anyway so even if it was dirty talk that wouldn be an issue

[whes]

"About a week ago I wrote him an email telling him I can't wait to see him and as soon as I see him I want to make love with him and I talked about how amazing it will be etc etc and I also talked about how after that we can be really dirty blah blah and I was just basically talking about what I wanted to do with him when I get back and how much it means to me. "

 

well, that's what you said...

 

Anyway, the point is, he sounded like he was having a busy week and that you were pushing the subject a bit too much for him to respond naturally to it. The more somebody repeats themselves or reminds me to do something, the less inclined I feel to do it. Maybe I'm stubborn or rebellious, but I hate being nagged about doing something like I'm a young child.

[yellowjello]

Ah i wish i could edit my post you guys have the wrong idea of what the email was about. Its not what you think its not dirty and not about what you think. Just forget the subject of the email because i cant explain what it has to do with because its a long story. But know that it is not dirty and not about intimate details. Please just respond to the question of replying to an email disregarding the topic of the mail

[myhonestanswer]

OK. So it wasn't dirty talk.

 

But still, some people just don't like putting private thoughts and feeling into writing. Like I said, it doesn't mean he doesn't think it or feel it. E-mail is a very specific method of communication, the e-mails can last far longer than the relationship.

 

Either way, pushing him to reply to the e-mail and put these feeling down is annoying. It's also counter-productive. Forced protestations of love aren't real. He would only be saying it to get you off his back, is that what you want? And why do you need it written down so much? You can tell if he loves and respects you by how he talks to you, how he treats you. You don't need a written contract.

[whes]

^^^ what myhonestanswer said.

[charity]

maybe he just wasn't in the humour for it on that particular week. i can see how both of you are annoyed. he's annoyed because you are going on and on about it. you're annoyed because he should be feeling the same as you and WANT to eagerly give you a response esp cause he know it means a lot to you. all i can say is don't sweat the small stuff, you guys can talk about it when you get back.

[yellowjello]

i just mentioned the dirty thing at the end to make him happy because he is the one that constantly talks about being dirty. But the main email was about something else. Its a long story but we are never really romantic so i was just talking about how when i get back it will be the perfect chance since we haven seen each other and it will be a special day and we can make it special. But just forget all that i shouldn have mentioned it because you need to know a lot about our relationship to understand. Anyway so i shouldn have reminded him to reply ? What should i have done ? I really wanted to know how he felt and he wouldn have replied unless i reminded him. Plus even if i didnt nag when he finally replied he would have written a fresh email and ignored the last one so how was i ever supposed to get a response ?

[yellowjello]

OK. So it wasn't dirty talk.

 

But still, some people just don't like putting private thoughts and feeling into writing. Like I said, it doesn't mean he doesn't think it or feel it. E-mail is a very specific method of communication, the e-mails can last far longer than the relationship.

 

Either way, pushing him to reply to the e-mail and put these feeling down is annoying. It's also counter-productive. Forced protestations of love aren't real. He would only be saying it to get you off his back, is that what you want? And why do you need it written down so much? You can tell if he loves and respects you by how he talks to you, how he treats you. You don't need a written contract.

 

well the reason i wanted a response wasnt really to know if he loves me. It was because i suggested something in the email that we usually dont do. That was the main reason i even wrote the email. I wrote about how i wanted to and wrote about how nice i think it will be and how much it means to me hoping he wont say no. So i wanted a response because i needed to know what he thinks. If he agrees if he is okay with it.

[myhonestanswer]

That's the thing, you weren't SUPPOSED to get a reponse. Sending an e-mail to someone does not oblige them to reply. If they have time and they want to, they can. If they don't have time, or don't want to, they don't have to.

 

That's my point here - that you're pushing him.

 

You don't NEED to know anything about your relationship, at least nothing you can't already tell by how he is to you. If you think he is not into you, maybe he isn't. But if everything is as great as you say it is, I can't see why you are so stuck on this one e-mail. What does it matter in the grand scheme of your relationship? Things are either good, or they're not.

[yellowjello]

That's the thing, you weren't SUPPOSED to get a reponse. Sending an e-mail to someone does not oblige them to reply. If they have time and they want to, they can. If they don't have time, or don't want to, they don't have to.

 

That's my point here - that you're pushing him.

 

You don't NEED to know anything about your relationship, at least nothing you can't already tell by how he is to you. If you think he is not into you, maybe he isn't. But if everything is as great as you say it is, I can't see why you are so stuck on this one e-mail. What does it matter in the grand scheme of your relationship? Things are either good, or they're not.

 

not sure if you received the last reply i just posted to you but i dont need to know whether he is in to me or anything about the relationship. The only reason i need a reply is to know if he is okay with my suggestion. I suggested something and i just needed to know if he is cool with it or if he doesnt want to do it.

[Capricorn3]

i can see how both of you are annoyed. he's annoyed because you are going on and on about it. you're annoyed because he should be feeling the same as you and WANT to eagerly give you a response esp cause he know it means a lot to you..

I second the above. I can totally understand why you were disappointed with his lack of response. Unfortunately, after you sent him another email requesting that he reply, and he didn't (yet again), you went ahead and didn't drop the subject - which in turn came out as you nagging him to death - hence he got annoyed, and you got hurt.

 

My suggestion would be that you completely drop it and don't talk about it again. Delete your email, delete his responses and pretend that it never happened. That way you can move on and forward. Let it go. It's not worth all the drama.

[myhonestanswer]

Right, I didn't see this part. Ok, so you suggested something, and you want to know if he wants to do it, right?

 

He obviously doesn't feel comfortable talking about it in an e-mail. Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable with the suggestion at all. Perhaps he does.

 

I think you need to drop expecting a reply to the e-mail. As for whether he wants to do this thing, it's just something you'll have to deal with when you see him. Pushing him to agree to it, or say he doesn't want to do it, is kind of backing him into a corner. Give him a bit of space. Especially if this is something completely new, maybe he just needs a bit of time to get used to the idea, to get his head around it, and to decide if it's something he wants to do or not.

[sara-pezzini]

agree with everyone, if you send a mail the other person is not obliged to reply and to keep on asking him for a reply, well that would annoy me too, very much so...the other person should feel free if they want to reply, some people are not good with mailing about emotional stuff or sexy stuff or serious stuff and maybe he wanted to reply in person when he is back...to keep reminding him and forcing him to reply sounds a bit immature...and even to send it again....i would be very annoyed if someone did that to me.....

just drop the subject and see if he brings it up again when he is back and you two are face to face....

[Madamdiva007]

Why don't you just talk about it when you see him in person. It's prettt obvious that he doesn't want to talk about it right now and in an email. The more you bug him about it, the less excited he's going to be to see you when you get back, and the less willing he will be to try this new thing with you.

[iBroken]

I can see why he became annoyed....you sent him a message and kept pushing for him to reply to it.

 

Why wasnt it good enough that you guys were conversing everyday? I would have been annoyed too.