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If i tried again...it wouldnt be the first attempt


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20 years old, married and has a 9month old. The world is * * * * and the only reason i have not drank my self to death or overdosed is because of my husband and child but at this point i don't even know if i am good for them. My own family hates me and i cant get a good job. I cant go to college to get a good job because i don't have money because i don't have a job. Ever since i moved out of my moms house and got married i have come to reality with the fact that our world is just a * * * * cycle! Nothing fixes it because EVERYTHING is * * * * . I know my child and husband would miss me dearly but at this point i am no help to them, i am so stressed that the littlest noise makes me jump because my nerves are so bad, my face twitches uncontrollably, my emotions are so unstable that i am crying one second and laughing the next (serious). I don't even know why i am writing this, guess its caus i cant get my hands on any hard drugs, so i have to just stick around till then i guess....

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Girl, I understand. Seriously. And I just graduated college and can't find any job at all. So I am in a similar boat. It is depressing! Go to your doctor. Talk about anxiety and depression and how to handle it.


What I do when I feel like you do now is think about my daughter. I'm assuming your child is similar to mine, and my kid is sooooo freaking awesome. I mean even when she has bad days (which are a lot, b/c she's 3), and acts like a little fool, I still feel the potential rolling off of her. This little person that is mine has a chance to be happy in this crappy world! And when I want to give up I realize, I gotta keep trying b/c the better I do in life, the better chance she will have to utilize all that awesomeness in her. My family sucks too. They won't raise my daughter the way she ought to be raised if I'm gone. Even her dad, he's not me, he doesn't have this plan about how to give her every opportunity possible like I do. I gotta be the best me I can be so she can have a chance at a normal, happy life.


And at the end of the day after we read stories and fight about going to sleep and finally she passes out, all this crap I go through and all the stress and anxiety and worry and depression--it's all worth it. She gives me my sense of purpose. I love her so insanely much that no matter how depressed or lonely or downtrodden I may become, I have got to keep fighting....and so do you.

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You've heard the expression, When it rains, it pours, right? Well, from my experience, life has a way of snowballing out of control during certain phases... but, it doesn't stay that way. Things do have a way of getting better -- you just have to work towards that, one step at a time. And the position you're in now is not an easy one, but it's not all bad, either.


Think back to when you were really young, and how special your parents were to you. You now have the opportunity to be that special someone to your child, which is very exciting!


What does your husband do? Can you afford to take classes at your community college? That's what I did, and I found that community colleges are much better geared at giving your practical skills you can use to get a job, than their four-year counterparts.


Just stick with it, and things will get better!

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