resmarted Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Is it normal for a gf to not be very affectionate or caring after recent reconciliation? She said she wanted to take it slow but sometimes it seems like she's just not into it. Should I just be patient and wait for her to come around? Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I think that that's part of taking it slow and I'd advise patience. How long has it been? What is your situation? Link to comment
WildHorse Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 My ex was very distant when we got back together, and it only lasted three months until it ended for good. We had also been "taking it slow." When it ended again, he admitted to having been distant, and the truth is that he was never as into us as I had been. Hope things work out better for you. Link to comment
resmarted Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 I broke up with her 3 weeks ago. We got back together about 12 days ago. We are long distance and have been dating for almost 9 months including the week we were apart Link to comment
esrever Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 From my perspective this relationship isn't very solid, that's not to say it couldn't work out. It's to say that you should find someone who is closer and wants to take it at a regular pace. Face-to-face contact is so important in a relationship I think. Link to comment
hausser Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Yeah my ex was distant when we reconcilled previously too. It almost didn't work actually particularly as she was terrible at bottling up and not talking about things. It lasted a few months to fully heal. Many awkward silence moments etc. Link to comment
Mellie Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 There's bound to be hurt on both sides. Once bitten... Could you really expect it to be just like it was before the split, with all those nasty feelings whirling around? Doesn't mean it'll never come back though. You need to be patient and not push it. Doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. Link to comment
resmarted Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Thanks for the replies everyone. I guess I just need to be patient. If she didn't love me, she wouldn't have gotten back with me anyways, right? We have gotten along very well since getting back together. Except we did have one fight a few days ago. It was over me mentioning I'm not feeling loved and asking if she was happy with being with me again. She got upset because I have mentioned it before (or at least something similar) and she gave me an answer that she was happy. So she wasn't happy that I didn't believe her (I do believe her, I just overthink too much, unfortunately which is understandable. Link to comment
mrs93 Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Thanks for the replies everyone. I guess I just need to be patient. If she didn't love me, she wouldn't have gotten back with me anyways, right? We have gotten along very well since getting back together. Except we did have one fight a few days ago. It was over me mentioning I'm not feeling loved and asking if she was happy with being with me again. She got upset because I have mentioned it before (or at least something similar) and she gave me an answer that she was happy. So she wasn't happy that I didn't believe her (I do believe her, I just overthink too much, unfortunately which is understandable. Although never asking, I also feel like this very often, just little things, like when they do not make as much conversation, say they are going to bed at 8 pm. All these sorts of things instantly click in my brain that something is wrong when logically there is more than likely a very reasonable answer. Link to comment
hausser Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Thanks for the replies everyone. I guess I just need to be patient. If she didn't love me, she wouldn't have gotten back with me anyways, right? We have gotten along very well since getting back together. Except we did have one fight a few days ago. It was over me mentioning I'm not feeling loved and asking if she was happy with being with me again. She got upset because I have mentioned it before (or at least something similar) and she gave me an answer that she was happy. So she wasn't happy that I didn't believe her (I do believe her, I just overthink too much, unfortunately which is understandable. Dude I hear you 100% I was exactly the same but for the love of god don't say wimpy, emasculated stuff like that to her again, women don't like men not acting like one....I know dude I felt exactly the same btw. Remember this quote "the power in a relationship is with the one who appears to care least." Bit calculated but in my experience true. Link to comment
resmarted Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Dude I hear you 100% I was exactly the same but for the love of god don't say wimpy, emasculated stuff like that to her again, women don't like men not acting like one....I know dude I felt exactly the same btw. Remember this quote "the power in a relationship is with the one who appears to care least." Bit calculated but in my experience true. You're absolutely right. I believe I may have turned her off multiple times by acting this way. It's hard but I need to show her that I am strong and am willing to fight for her. That quote is awesome, I am going to save it and read it once in awhile to remind myself to stay strong. However, what if she feels I care too little and loses interest? Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Out of curiosity, how much time physically/geographically have you spent together throughout the course of this relationship? Link to comment
hausser Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I've been in your exact postion and know how you feel right now. Don't make the same mistake as me and let the fact she come to you completely flip the power dynamic in other words don't start letting her walk over you because she knows you wanted her back. Mine did that tbh, for the first few months anyway. You haven't got to give her cold shoulder man, just don't be overly emotional and needy about the BU and how she is acting. Just get to know each other again and let time heal things. If you feel she's being cold/unreceptive just leave her be and go and take a walk, go for a drive anything but what I used to say to myself was that if she really didn't want to be here she wouldn't. I think it's fine to mention it once or twice, but now you have leave it. These are very tenative days for the both of you. I remember hearing a group of women sneering at past partners they'd had who cried in front of them. For all our intelligence and development, it's remarkable how basic and predictable human beings are in certain situations are. Link to comment
resmarted Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Basically what you're saying is: Don't worry about everything, and just be myself? When it comes to phone calls, sexual anything, skyping, etc. She hasn't initiated any of it since we got back together. Should I do the same and just wait for her to initiate eventually? Link to comment
hausser Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Well be yourself minus anything that is overly emotional, from a womans view of a man POV. In other words, don't ask for validation, don't ask her if she loves you, don't tell her you don't feel loved etc it's hard to describe but that * * * * just screams needy and insecure and women hate that in men more than men hate that in women. Oh that's a bad sign. Mine did the same re sexual stuff but she wasnt a massivley sexual woman anyway. The calls, texts, skyping is more worrying however. Definatley do not be the one to initate everything all the time. How long have you two been back? And listen man, I am exactly like you. I over analyse and think EVERYTHING. It's a blessing as well as a curse. Link to comment
resmarted Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Well be yourself minus anything that is overly emotional, from a womans view of a man POV. In other words, don't ask for validation, don't ask her if she loves you, don't tell her you don't feel loved etc it's hard to describe but that * * * * just screams needy and insecure and women hate that in men more than men hate that in women. Oh that's a bad sign. Mine did the same re sexual stuff but she wasnt a massivley sexual woman anyway. The calls, texts, skyping is more worrying however. Definatley do not be the one to initate everything all the time. How long have you two been back? And listen man, I am exactly like you. I over analyse and think EVERYTHING. It's a blessing as well as a curse. We've been back for a little less than two weeks. We get along GREAT and she doesn't say she loves me when she goes to sleep and sometimes when she leaves to go somewhere. We spend literally almost the entire day online together most days, so I understand if she doesn't want to call every night. But yeah, she hasn't initiated any, and she didn't for a couple months prior to breakup. It used to be almost an every night thing for awhile. Link to comment
hausser Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and as tired tiger asked how much time have you spent with this person, in person so to speak? Link to comment
resmarted Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and as tired tiger asked how much time have you spent with this person, in person so to speak? I am 19, she is 21. We can't spend time often with eachother in person, so not very much. I am planning a trip to see her around Christmas time though. And she seems excited about it Link to comment
hausser Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 You need to see her in person more dude. Link to comment
resmarted Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 You need to see her in person more dude. I know, definitely. It's not easy though, it costs ~$500 round trip just to fly there, and as a college student without any source of income, I have to limit my trips to summer/winter breaks. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.