Dear Dumper,

[skyhigh2]

Dear Dumper,

A relationship is voluntary. You can begin one and end one at your own satisfaction. But, you haven’t built that relationship all on your own. There is another person who has put in just as much effort, time, hope, trust, and happiness into that very same relationship. When you decide to end a relationship, do so respectfully. Do not just run away especially not immediately. Even thought you must have thought long and hard about your decision, you need to realize that it is well out of the blue for the other person. Realize that the other person will be in shock, so do your best to provide clarity to the situation. Give it some time to sink in. If they ask you for a reason, remain consistent with what you have to say. Please do not humiliate the other person because that just adds to more hurt than that which is necessary.

[thejigsup]

Sometimes us dumpers don't know the exact reason, so we HAVE to be vague. Something just doesn't feel right and hasn't for a long, long, time. We have tried and tried to hang in there and it took its toll on us. Even if we groped with an explanation it wouldn't satisfy you and you would keep badgering us and making us feel terrible. I have been a dumper and and dumpee. Both are hard. Just move on and have a good life, that is what the dumper wants for both of you.

[wicked6018]

i've been the dumpee and the dumper. i thought it hurt to dump someone, and yes, it does. but i definitely feel like getting dumped is much worse. also, it depends on the degree of the relationship. i was dumped two weeks ago by a man i was engaged to. being dumped from a relationship that serious hurts like hell. hang in there.

[redswim30]

OP, I think it is also important to point out that many times the "dumpee" is in severe denial about the state of their relationship. Many times, the breakup isn't really "out of the blue" or "shocking' but a series of events that the dumpee either chooses to ignore or doesn't believe their partner would ever leave them.

Of course, sometimes it does happen in the way you describe. Just not always. Also, a side note, people don't always put the same amount of effort into a relationship.

[BriarRose]

I have never in my life asked someone why they no longer want to be with me. Chances are they wouldn't tell you, anyways. If they even know.

[skyhigh2]

I think I should apologize for making a generalization here. No, dumpers aren't bad people at all. They are only making a personal choice, which they have every rights to.

I think I am still in pain about the manner in which I was left. When he showed up to break up with me. He was angry. Said it was my fault. And ran. He actually just ran. I stood there watching him run. Words can't even describe how painful that was for me.

[lemsip]

doesn't believe their partner would ever leave them.

 

Yup. Sums up my stupid naivety. I assumed she'd always be there, even if things weren't going great. I'll know now to never take any future relationship for granted. However, after a long time (8 years in my case) it's hard to not get in rut and keep it exciting. Day-to-day living is what killed my relationship at the end of the day.