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My fiancee's sister passed... and she broke up with me.


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hmm where to start.


2 years ago (may 09) i met my fiancee.. we hit it off great! everything was perfect! Her sister was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago.. and passed away april 2011. it is now july 2011 and she has broken up with me. At first she was going back and forth say "if my sister hadn't died i would be able to deal with our realationship" then it was "i no longer want to be with you at all and its all you fault" (which i do admit i had faults in the relationship but the severe enough for this....) i am so lost at this point. She says she wants her space.. which she kicked me out and is now moving into a one bedroom apartment.


Just one week ago she took me out on the most romantioc date.. sat me down and said "i love you and i always will. we are going to have an amazing life together"


I have been reading up on grieving.. and most everything say this will happen.. but i dont know how to deal. my heart hurt that i cant be there for her right now...


we were in the middle of planning out wedding when her sister died.. infact her last conversation with her sister was what bridesmaid dress she wanted to wear.. we even had our first kids name.. it was all part of a dream that just disappeared over night... someone please help me make sense of my thoughts before i go crazy.


side notes- before her sister died she suffered from depression.. and the doc toyed with the thought of her being bipolar..


-today she stated she would like to me another chance in the future.. the she sai she would like to go do her own thing.. and that for me to get that chance she needs her space...


-oh and i am not trying to make this all about me (i wanted to state that because in another forum a guy yelled at me..) i just want some help making sense of what is going on. i understand her heart hurts but i want to know why im being pushed soooooooo hard.

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I imagine that it's quite a bit of emotion swirling in her mind because of the death of her sister. Tragic. I don't agree with the breakup, either and it's not your fault. If she is indeed bipolar then perhaps this could explain the sudden "you're the love of my life," and to the abrupt ending of, "it's your fault," and then to the final, "maybe someday..."

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People handle grief in many different ways and when they struggle to cope it upsets the balance in their life. Simple things seem to spiral out of control. Cutting you out of her life to ease her stress load is something she had control over.


Your best bet is to give her plenty of space.


I have no idea what the future will hold for either of you but if you hang around trying to be there when she doesn't want you is a sure fire way to get her close the door completely.


Remember - its not your job to fix her or save her. If she asks for your help or opinion you can give it but remember to limit your response to what she asked, otherwise try very hard not telling what you your think/your opinion on what she is doing wrong. That will just cause her to shut down and shut you out.


She has to figure out how to make her life work and its meaning after her sisters passing.


You have to do your best to stay busy and ultimately move on.


Good Luck

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all you can do is give her space. in my opinion, if someone i loved died, i would want the love of my life to be there. i would not want to give up my relationship, especially such a serious one. your situation is much like mine. the very week my fiancee broke up with me, we were talking about our future children, our lives together, etc. it makes no sense that this can just change overnight. my ex fiancee, like yours, told me that he may want to try again in the future, but i just feel like why would these people want to break up with us if they want to try again in the future? i feel like they say that just to be nice. her BU with you may have to do with the loss of her sister, but it may not. i wouldn't push it. just leave her be. it hurts so much, but there is really nothing you can do.

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Maybe i can give you an insight !! I too did exactly the same thing. My mother died suddenly, and 6 months later my sister died suddenly, i was in a complete state of shock, and i just wanted to get my head around this, i told my fiancee that i needed space and i could not be with him, i felt as though i could not be the person who i was, and i did not want to bring him down with me, i needed my own time to get over the loss i had suffered, i needed to be alone. This did not mean i did not love him, i did with all my heart, i just could not think about his feelings at that point in time. I wallowed in my own grief for while, then i called him, we met up and he told me he had moved on, devestation is a understatement of what i felt, i know i have lost the love of my life but i just wished he would have given me that time and understood, maybe selfish, maybe not. but grief does strange things.


My advice to you is if you truly love her, give her the time she needs, she loves you i am sure. I would give my everything if my ex could have seen that.


Good luck.

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Update.. she did like this crazy flip personality thing.. she isn't the same person i know and loved anymore. she is telling me that she broke up with me and the reason is all my fault. she is texting , my close freinds dirty messages.. and even talking about getting with this other girl that she cheated on me once with.. she just keeps twisting my heart in so many directions.. i understand her sister had an impact on her.. but for her to act like this i feel like something else is up.. wish i knew what was going on. she is telling me lie after lie after lie.. she isn't the say woman i love.. i see someone who looks like her.. but its not her.. she told me today that she no longer is in love with me.. and that one day she may be able to fall back in love with me but she doesn't know.. its really upsetting.. any thoughts as to what may be going on?

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any thoughts as to what may be going on?


My thought is, here's yet another poor guy who is letting his ex run all over him and make him feel like crap and isn't going to do a thing about it.


Next time she starts hitting you with the blame game, and pointing the finger at you for everything that has gone wrong in her life, tell her to f--k off and leave you the Hell alone because you're not going to be anyone's favorite scapegoat.


How's that for what might be going on?

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