Reflective Break Up - Looking for opinions on likelihood of reconciliation.

[CrazyTitch]

I will keep this short and sweet and so will add details in bullet point form for accessability.

 

- Met girl (we are both 17) while she was with boyfriend, she split with boyfriend, slept with me and got back with him (obvious warning sign about her character) i was devastated. This was in the initial stages of us getting to know each other though.

- As a result of this, I insisted on no contact, taking a lot of strength on my part.

- Within a month, we were talking again.

- We met often (1+ times a week at least), had a relationship minus sex until she felt ready to split with her boyfriend.

- Got together with her after 5 months of this routine.

- BRILLIANT at the start, passion; we were making up for lost time, felt totally at ease.

- Her ex boyfriend tried to kill himself (failed attention seek as it happens), makes her want to keep us a secret for a while.

- Time passes, we're still going very well, lots of personality compatibility to make up for lack of common interests.

- Her ex boyfriend sends her death threats, makes demands, all the usual signs of a nutcase, i offer support, she wants to handle it alone.

- More time passes, I get uneasy about her not making us 'official' since months passed since her ex tried his suicide stunt, but he still sends her abuse.

- Eventually she meets some new guys one night, she comes round to mine the next day and tell me she finds one of them attractive, I get a bit jealous and end up texting her after she leaves saying that I feel like a 'placeholder', a 'safety net' and taken advantage of since she won't make us official.

- She says 'maybe you are just my safety net i don't know' and 'maybe we shouldn't be together because this is how it's going to be, i'm sorry.'

- I ring her the next day after no contact, she acts all normal telling me about her day etc, I ask for a talk in person.

- I go to her house and we talk in the car, I ask if she's serious about our relationship, she initially says yes, but after she says she doesn't want a serious relationship because she's had 3 in a row and hasn't had any time alone.

- Yet she says i'm important to her, she misses me whenever i'm not there, loves spending time with me and really likes me (texts she sent me recently tell the same story, day before this we lay in bed and cuddled and had really good sex, she complimented me loads and said i was 'perfect' etc, i.e everything normal until my doubts surfaced), yet she said she felt like we would be together a long time AT FIRST yet now she doesn't think so.

- I asked once more for her to make it official if I was important to her, she said she didn't want to, so once again I asked 'Are you serious about this relationship', she softly says 'no'.

- I say 'Fine then, I'll see you around', get out of the car and walk off.

 

Bottom line:

- I felt abused and unwanted by her refusing to acknowledge our relationship and thus offer me the security I wanted.

- She wanted to be together on her terms, which seemed to me to mean that she wanted me as a safety net until someone better came along.

- I broke up with her before I could get hurt, as I had to make the decisive move and stop her messing me around.

 

So, what's the question I'm asking I hear you say?

 

Well, we used to text ~50 times a day and be rather dependent on each others attention. Since this incident I have not heard from her nor contacted her myself.

 

I am wondering:

- What are the chances of her getting in touch? (Bear in mind this occurred 4 days ago)

- What are the chances of her moving on? (As I am attempting to do, whilst still hanging onto the hope that she will contact me)

- When (if ever) should I break the silence and contact her? (Her birthday is in a month so I was thinking then, however I would like her to at least acknowledge how damaging her behaviour was so I could get some closure).

 

I would like to think some reconciliation is possible. However if not, by not contacting her I will at least have a time to get over her. I no longer feel sad about the breakup as it was the right thing for me to do. However, I miss her and the relationship was good except for multiple problems stemming from one source.

 

Thanks.

[Edmund Exley]

You are way, way, way to young to be involved in this much drama with a girl who plays you like a safety net.

 

Lifes too short...enjoy being 17 and date girls who arent so much of a mess at such a young age. Trust me, you will have plenty of time to date people with tons of emotional baggage in your 20s and 30s LOL

[CrazyTitch]

You are way, way, way to young to be involved in this much drama with a girl who plays you like a safety net.

 

Lifes too short...enjoy being 17 and date girls who arent so much of a mess at such a young age. Trust me, you will have plenty of time to date people with tons of emotional baggage in your 20s and 30s LOL

 

I totally totally agree. But only rationally. My emotional side still yearns for the attention and longs for the 'better days'. God i'm soppy.

Could you perhaps humour me and pretend i'm 27?

I broke up with her for me, for my sake. But if she comes back into my life (which is fairly likely since she is a teenager and so changes her mind daily) I am unsure how I would handle the emotional overload. Ta.

[Edmund Exley]

Actually I wont humour you and pretend you are 27 because it would be a disservice to you to tell you to continue to pursue a girl/woman that plays what appears to be so many emotional games. Avoid getting attached to those kind of relationships now so that it doesnt become something you are accustomed too.

[CrazyTitch]

Actually I wont humour you and pretend you are 27 because it would be a disservice to you to tell you to continue to pursue a girl/woman that plays what appears to be so many emotional games. Avoid getting attached to those kind of relationships now so that it doesnt become something you are accustomed too.

 

Okay, you certainly have a good point. But i'm not pursuing her at all, i'm in withdrawal from her. I'm just wondering what the chances are of her getting in touch are so I can continue ignoring her subsequently. But thanks anyway

[Mephisto13]

If you can accept being second fiddle to whomever she meets and fancies, by all means, get back with her.

 

If you think you deserve better, let her be and forget she exists.

 

Choose option 1, win low self-esteem and confidence issues.

 

Choose option 2, win your man badge. You don't need that drama.

[CrazyTitch]

If you can accept being second fiddle to whomever she meets and fancies, by all means, get back with her.

 

If you think you deserve better, let her be and forget she exists.

 

Choose option 1, win low self-esteem and confidence issues.

 

Choose option 2, win your man badge. You don't need that drama.

 

Exactly. But perhaps I didn't elaborate enough. I'm not second fiddle, I just didn't like how protective she was of her ex and how she felt the need to make me jealous sometimes. I was still the one in the driving seat. It wasn't a massive reason to split up, but I wasn't going to risk it going too far causing my ego to be crushed, so I ended it.

But yeah I do agree with you, it's nice to hear your own thought being reaffirmed by another voice (or typer).

[Theniceone]

Okay, you certainly have a good point. But i'm not pursuing her at all, i'm in withdrawal from her. I'm just wondering what the chances are of her getting in touch are so I can continue ignoring her subsequently. But thanks anyway

 

As said several times in this forum. No one can tell you that because we do not know what and how she thinks and feel.

[Edmund Exley]

Exactly. But perhaps I didn't elaborate enough. I'm not second fiddle, I just didn't like how protective she was of her ex and how she felt the need to make me jealous sometimes. I was still the one in the driving seat. It wasn't a massive reason to split up, but I wasn't going to risk it going too far causing my ego to be crushed, so I ended it.

But yeah I do agree with you, it's nice to hear your own thought being reaffirmed by another voice (or typer).

 

1. When you are first fiddle, no one will matter but you and your feelings. There will be no defending of the ex.

2. A sensible person doesnt feel a need to make the person they are in a relationship jealous.

 

Ask yourself this. Do you enjoy having someone play games to make you jealous? Someone that your supposed to be enjoying time together with, not playing games to feed their ego.

[Stay_home]

- Met girl (we are both 17) while she was with boyfriend, she split with boyfriend, slept with me and got back with him (obvious warning sign about her character) i was devastated. This was in the initial stages of us getting to know each other though.

 

Say no more....