Russian brides and exes and all the mess

[annalisa84]

In the beginning of our relationship my bf asked me to delete the guys from my FB and Skype that were trying to hook up with m while I was single. I did. Some months later I asked him to do the same - he deleted 75 girls (?!) No comment.

 

Anyway, I recently stumbled accross another social network profile of his and he had there four guys and 220 - let's be honest here - russian brides. I saw there more vaginas than I do on a pornsite. I got upset that he still had this profile. He told me he was active there when he was single, now he only uses it to chat with friends and he has done nothing inappropriate and hasn't even been there for months. Considering he has there 4 friends that are all also in his skype and Fb and email, I really really doubt he went there to chat with them or did anything appropriate with the russian brides. At any rate, he refused to show me that nothing happened and played it down as he is very insulted I don't trust him. I gave up. As I dont have proof, i will give him the benefit of doubt as I love him and to walk away from him I must be sure he crossed the line.

 

The next day I did tell him that in order to avoid these misunderstanding in the future, we should set some boundaries, actually just do what we agreed to do many months ago - delete peopel we were trying to hook up. I went a deleted EVERY guy I've ever hooked up or even tought about it from my social networks and told this to him. I asked him to follow my lead. Just for the record, I was not friends with any of my exes or flings, just casual talk sometimes. So I won't miss them. I will be just happy if a boundary like this will avoid the "russian bride" surprises in the future. As far as I know he is not friends with any of his exes/ flings anymore either. But he is a very private person and maybe secretly he has all sorts of discussions with them and now he cannot give themup. I really dont know. So..

 

We've been together 8 months now, we live together etc. I just want that his past single life would stop popping up and ruining our relationship.

Do I have the right to expect him to follow my lead and delete the hookups/exes?

In the end he was then one bringing the subject up in the first place..

What should I do if he says no - I mean it is his right, but what could I do then?

Btw he said he will think about and do it when he is not that busy..

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, you have the right to expect him to delete all the exs and hookups and to remove himself from sites where he is getting naked pictures of women he is communicating with.

 

He also has the right to not comply with your expectations. If he doesn't comply, you have the right to terminate this relationship on the grounds that he is disrespecting you and the relationship he has with you. There is no reason for anyone to hang on to their exs even in a fantasy world, when they have a current partner.

[annalisa84]

Thanks!

When we have a situation like that, he always makes me feel like I'm too controlling and not trusting.

And perhaps from his point of view I am..

But from mine, 220 russian brides doen't really make me comfy and trust my bf without a doubt. The least, it makes me question his values and what he looks for in a woman. It actually makes me feel very confused and sad and scared that he is going to hurt me sooner or later cos this is the entertainment he likes, not good old boring relationship.

So asking him to say goodbye to his hookups and exes doesnt sound so irrational in my head as setting boundaries would ease my mind.

[Ms Darcy]

Isn't this the same guy who told you he desires you less than any other gf? I think this is his way of getting sexual satisfaction.

 

It sounds to me that he was a good bf at one point but due to various reasons he's not that into you anymore, yet you are trying to get him back to that place. Are you happy in this relationship?