question about friend

[getupkid82]

So i have this friend who i hooked up with ages ago. She has a boyfriend now and has for a year. We're really good friends but my feelings for her haven't changed. I see

her everyday which is difficult.

 

She tells me everything that's going on in her life, problems at home, with boyfriend, everything. I'm really glad i can help her with some of these but i think i am well and truly in the friendzone now. ('i can tell you anything' is the dreaded line i heard the other day). I know this sounds stupid. i really like her and think we would be perfect together but i have to stop thinking like this. How do i do that? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and if so how did they deal with it. This is really beginning to affect my day to day life as i've never felt this strong about anyone before. Please help. Thanks

 

ps i know i'm lucky to have her as a friend and that she trusts me enough to talk to me about these things. she is an amazing funny easy going person and i think the world of her. this is just really difficult.

[Charli18]

It's a tricky one, weather the storm and be there for her, despite how much it may hurt in the process, hoping you're there for her longer than the current boyfriend and that she notices your being there or let it go and stick to the friends part, as hard as that may be (at first)? Personally if it was me, being the romantic kinda person I am, would hope that she's the kinda person I think she is and hope that she would notice that I've been there for her through thick and thin and then realise that I'm the kinda guy she needs.

[getupkid82]

Thanks for replying. Yeah i wish she is the kind of person who will notice. I think we would be perfect, and i'm not the only one. Even her parents think so. At times i think she may feel something for me but as i said she has a boyfriend and they're celebrating an anniversary soon. He's a nice guy but i personally don't think he appreciates her as much. Maybe it's not my place to say such things but she tells me enough about it.

 

I just feel really low at the minute. I really like her.

[Ratman81]

Or if seeing her and knowing you can't be with her is causing you pain, you could choose to break off all ties with her. Its the last thing you want to do but it might be the one thing that helps you get over her. This is of course assuming that you don't think you have much of a chance at changing her mind about what you could be to her. I'm going to try this method myself to get out of my own jam.

[getupkid82]

Hey thanks for your reply, i work with her which sucks. I'm currently trying to find another job (there are things about my job i hate, not just having to see her everyday) so that'll help i think. I'm not going to try anything whilst she's with him, it's not right. Who knows what'll happen, i hope something does. What is your situation at the minute? It's a sucky place to be.

[Ratman81]

I've got a similar thread about a page back. In fact when scanning through I noticed an awful lot of threads from guys in our situation, freindzoned or falling for our friends, I agree it is a sucky situation and I do understand your dilemma. You want to be with her, but its actually uncomfortable to be with her because while part of you is fine with still being friends and having that trust another part is constantly being disapointed because it wants more. I really don;t know what I'm going to do in my situation, but I'm reading every thread on this subject for what others have done or been advised to do.

[rocio]

Tell her you're into her and for that reason don't want to continue the friendship, but you would love to hear from her if she is ever single.

[getupkid82]

Thank you all for replying it really means alot. Rocio, i'm trying to get another job at the minute so hopefully once i get one i can begin no contact. It sounds like a s****y thing to do but i feel i need to do it for my own sake. My days are spent thinking about her like i'm a teenager all over again, it sucks to see her with her bf and have her talk to me about things to do with them. Like i've said, i feel privileged to have her confide in me and tell me things. She says i bring out a side in her no one else does. But it's time to sort this out.

 

Thanks for the replys, it's been a rough week especially.

[GhostRocket]

Honestly I would try to find someone else to be infatuated with if I were in your spot. I actually have been before and it's terrible. I know the feeling. At the same time you have to use logic to override your heart's desires. This person has a boyfriend and messing with is most likely to just cause problems. You could risk losing a good friend in the process. File her away, maybe one day if she's single again and you are too then there may be a chance. But I wouldn't bet on it. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Once you realize this then it becomes a lot easier. Just don't give into your infatuation. Good luck.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you have to realize that you cannot really be her friend if you have those kind of feelings for her because what you are doing for her you are doing based on your feelings for her and not for the friendship. I think that you need to back away, and focus on other women.

[magnoliatree]

Honestly I would try to find someone else to be infatuated with if I were in your spot. I actually have been before and it's terrible. I know the feeling. At the same time you have to use logic to override your heart's desires. This person has a boyfriend and messing with is most likely to just cause problems. You could risk losing a good friend in the process. File her away, maybe one day if she's single again and you are too then there may be a chance. But I wouldn't bet on it. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Once you realize this then it becomes a lot easier. Just don't give into your infatuation. Good luck.

 

Totally agree with GhostRocket.