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:( Did I f*** this up ?


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Guy likes girl. Girl just got out of damaging long term relationship with ex. Girl agrees to hang out with guy, and guy and girl go on several dates together. When things get heated one night, girl says shes ready to go further , and guy says "not tonight, I don't think you understand how much I really like you". Later on, guy and girl eventually have sex and all the "perks" of a relationship , while guy and girl agree that they want to wait for girl to fully get over ex before making it official..




This was all happening so fast it seemed, I REALLY liked this guy but I wasn't ready for a new relationship since my ex had hurt me so bad. So I kind of kept this guy at arms length, and maybe I wasn't completely honest with my feelings to him ? Long story short, I think I set myself up for him to back off and lose his feelings for me. I recently asked him if he still had feelings for me, and he told me that while he had feelings physically still, he didn't have that emotional attachment anymore. And with me finally thinking hey, I want to try and take things further with this guy.. this really hurt. I know you can't make someone like you , but how does it work when those feelings were there before ? My main question is, what do I do now ?

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Reality is often different from expectation. It's possible that he was only interested in sex and took advantage of the situation, but it's also possible that he envisioned one thing from the relationship and when that didn't manifest, his feelings changed. I don't think it's really all that different from a normal breakup.

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I think be straight up with him, tell him you had fun with him and you'd love to give things another go if he's interested and that you needed to go through that part of your life on your own, that it had nothing to do with him as a person. Sounds like you need to reestablish that connection, so take things slowly and try and go on a few dates etc. Have fun with him and treat it like it is, a new relationship.

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I think honestly you weren't ready for anything serious and nor should you be. It would be a rebound situation. The better thing to do is to heal from the past relationship, if you don't the grief and baggage will haunt you later. It's healthy not to jump from relationship to relationship. It's dysfunctional behavior to go from one serious relationship to the next. Heal first, and you'll know when you're ready.


You set yourself up for him to back off as soon as he knew that you just got out of a serious relationship. A healthy person that loves themselves is going to see that as a red flag. Pretty sure all he would want now is sex. I would move on from the past relationship first and heal. By no means am I trying to say what you did was wrong or dysfunctional. It happens, just know that the best bet for your future is to heal from the past relationship. Notice the issues you need to fix and fix them for you. Get to a place where you're independent and loving yourself again. If you're strong enough single, and love yourself enough... That's what you are going to attract.


Check out the book Getting past your breakup by Susan Elliot.

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Was it him that was talking about getting a relationship started?


Or did he just agree with something you said. See, I tend to lean towards if the guy never brings up he wants the relationship and only agrees to it, then he does not really want one.


He was the one that brought it up ! And he told friends and family that I was going to be his girlfriend soon.

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