Friendzone?

[erzerum7]

Questions for women:

 

1.) Do you categorize men into friendzone (relationship ineligble), has-potential (relationship eligible), and refuse (creepy, etc.)?

 

2.) How soon do you place a person into a particular group? First 10 minutes? 30? 2 days? A week?

 

3.) How hard is it to transition between the friendzone and has-potential groups? What sort of events or conversations would be able to bring about that transition?

 

4.) Is the decision made on the basis of clear and conscious criteria or is it more fuzzy and subconscious? Can you say for sure why someone is placed in a particular category?

[magnoliatree]

Haha. See the post directly below this one:

[Ariel85]

How long does it take you to decide if a girl is friendzoned, or dateable?

 

Take that number and it's the same for us.

[erzerum7]

There is no official friendzone other than the set of people who do not share my religious beliefs, which is very large. Quick criteria include age, difference in education, outstanding personality defects, and yes, appearance. Finding out someone's religious beliefs can take a while, but for me that's the definitive determinant of friendzone vs. not.

 

Care to answer my questions specifically?

[magnoliatree]

1. I am interested in them or not. Yes or no.

2. First encounter: Am I physically attracted? Check. Do I like talking to them and find them interesting? Check.

3. Has never happened and men who try to do it usually make me uncomfortable and I end up ending our "friendship".

4. I don't have a list, but I guess if you FORCED me I could come up with reasons why I'm not attracted to a particular person after the fact.

 

Why not just go after women who ARE interested in you? Makes life easier, I think.

[Alezia]

See quote for answers.

[Alezia]

I did have guys which I was not initially physically attracted to - but not repulsed by the looks (just neutral). They were 'acquaintances', but not friends. I liked the personality, and realized that according to how he styled himself could look better or worst.

[RedDress]

1.) Do you categorize men into friendzone (relationship ineligble), has-potential (relationship eligible), and refuse (creepy, etc.)?

 

Not that formally - but yes. There are people I would date, people I wouldn't care to date and people who I wouldn't date in a million-billion years.

 

2.) How soon do you place a person into a particular group? First 10 minutes? 30? 2 days? A week?

 

Depends on the person.

In my humble opinion, women look for men who they can see a "happily ever after" with. As soon as they show a sign of not being someone that I can realistically see a "happily ever after" with, they either become someone I wouldn't care to date or creepy, depending on the 'thing'.

 

3.) How hard is it to transition between the friendzone and has-potential groups? What sort of events or conversations would be able to bring about that transition?

 

Not very easily but it's possible. They would either have to drastically change or completely change my opinion of them in order for this transition to occur. I'd have to see them in a whole new light that completely disregard my previous views.

 

4.) Is the decision made on the basis of clear and conscious criteria or is it more fuzzy and subconscious? Can you say for sure why someone is placed in a particular category?

 

A bit of both. Sometimes it's as simple as "dude doesn't have a job". Sometimes it's the way he chews his food. If I can't picture myself sitting down and having breakfast with him because of the way he chews... well... he falls into the "guys I don't care to date" bucket.

 

There ARE examples of guys who have switched. There was one guy, for example, who was a complete chauvinist in his 20s. As a semi-feminist, he and I used to butt heads ALL the time. But... over the span of about 15 years, with life experience, he grew up and changed. I now have a lot of respect for him as a person and he went from a guy I wouldn't care to date to a guy I would very much date. But... I think you'll agree that these sorts of transformations are few and far between. That guy that chews with his mouth open? 15 years later, while he's gotten better, I STILL hate the way he eats his food. LOL!

 

Have you ever seen the movie "He's just not that into you"? They have a line in there that says something like "You know - there are exceptions to every rule. You will always hear about them. Your friend's friend chased after some unavailable guy and got him or whatever. The thing is... you can't wait and hope to be the exception. That will make you crazy. You are the rule."

 

The friendzone is very much that. It's a rule. If you are in the friendzone, there is probably a reason. It could be as simple as the way you chew. Maybe you can get out of it... but the rule is that you can't. The odd one or two might slip through - but they are few and far between. You are better to count on the rule.

[Alezia]

Do you really look for happily ever after right away? I really just go with chemistry, and place him into the 'possible dating category'. If I date him and I find it doesn't work out, he rarely goes into my 'friends' box unless it's for circumstances that are beyond my control - ex: he moves far away. I don't tend to dismiss people for things such as eating with their mouth full - so usually it's for something fundamental that would not make me want to be his friend anyways.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't really give it that much thought. If I meet someone, usually, I notice if they are cute and available. If I start to feel an attraction, I'll flirt and see how they respond. If they don't, I move on. It's nice to be open to more than friendship down the road.

[Kitkat973]

Hm. I tend to avoid people that I find creepy.

 

Outside of that, though, I would never date someone that I don't consider a friend. For me, relationships start from close friendships. My husband and I were very close platonic friends for months before we started dating, and I wouldn't change that.

[sadchick83]

1) yes

2) 10 seconds

3) not terribly difficult. Personality can move a man to another category. A kind, thoughtful gentleman could move his way up in my books

4) Initially a man is put in a particular group based on attraction. He doesn't have to be attractive to all, just attractive to me. I would say there is no grey area here, either he is in one category or another. Men should consider being friendzoned a badge of honour. Generally I hold these men in higher regard than simply an attractive man.

[RedDress]

Do you really look for happily ever after right away? I really just go with chemistry, and place him into the 'possible dating category'. If I date him and I find it doesn't work out, he rarely goes into my 'friends' box unless it's for circumstances that are beyond my control - ex: he moves far away. I don't tend to dismiss people for things such as eating with their mouth full - so usually it's for something fundamental that would not make me want to be his friend anyways.

 

Kinda, yeah. He doesn't have to BE my happily ever after, but there can't be anything obvious blocking it.

 

So - really? You meet some guy at work or a party or something, he's smacking away eating with food falling out of his mouth and you think - "Hey! Why not? I'll date him!" Not me! He could be a great, great guy but he's already in the friendzone. We can hang out and be the best of friends... but eww... I'm not attracted in the least (and don't think I will ever be).