Fela Kuti Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I've known her for 4 years but I've only been dating (secretively, only about 5 people know) with this girl for about 2 months. We connect so much and we have confessed our love to each other. The problem is she's a best friend of my ex of 2 years. We broke up about 3-4 months ago. When and how should she tell my ex about this? Is now too fast? But we run the risk of her finding out about this by herself if we wait. I'm quite sure that she doesn't any feeling about me anymore but you never know. What about me? Should I tell my ex about this too? Thanks! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 So ... you dated your ex for two years, broke up with her, and one month later started secretly dating her best friend. Is this Jerry Springer? Your question is how to make the best of a bad situation. You don't. You can go for the bad option of sitting your ex down and explaining that you have started seeing her best friend or the worse option and trying to keep it a secret until she inevitably finds out. Link to comment
Fela Kuti Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Well, I really couldn't help the way I feel. I was shocked too when I realized that I had a crush on her. Do this always lead to bad situation though? I've heard many stories about someone letting go his ex for a friend because they doesn't have any feelings left for them anyway. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You can't help how you feel but you can help how you act. I'm the biggest advocate that once the relationship ends you can do whatever you want ... but the best friend? That's bad form. I would just do your best to acknowledge it. Acknowledge it was bad form and be as open as possible. I suspect that "best friend label" didn't mean much to the best friend. I would be livid if my best friend did that to me. So, from that perspective, expect the worst (drama) and hope for the best (no-drama). But rest assured that "friendship" is screwed up. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 This is just dramarama waiting to happen. Why bother? Fela Kuti would surely know that there's plenty of fish in the sea! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Fela Kuti would surely know that there's plenty of fish in the sea! Because it's more exciting to dip your fin in the same school. Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Wow 2 years with the ex and secret I love yous with the ex's best friend after two months... This is a troublesome road for you, good luck there buddy. It may be more fun within the same school, but word certainly travels fast and you cannot stop rumors. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Because it's more exciting to dip your fin in the same school. Lolz!!!!!! Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 What is your current relationship with your ex? Link to comment
WockaWocka Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 What is your current relationship with your ex? I was wondering this too. Unless you remain close friends, I would tend to think the burden of telling your ex falls to her friend. You could both tell her together but it almost seems cruel to put her on the spot. Her friend should probably tell her first, then you should follow up, explaining you never meant for it to happen, etc. Your poor ex. That's a big pill to swallow. Link to comment
Fela Kuti Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 What is your current relationship with your ex? almost no contact. I guess we don't care for each other at all. Link to comment
Fela Kuti Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Who broke up with whom? I initiated the breakup. She was surprised and disappointed because there wasn't really a major problem. I just felt that the relationship had got stale. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 It's going to be harder on her since you broke up with her and seemingly rushed into something with her best friend. From your perspective, how was their friendship? Link to comment
Fela Kuti Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 It's going to be harder on her since you broke up with her and seemingly rushed into something with her best friend. From your perspective, how was their friendship? they have a really sweet friendship that's been going for 6-7 years. they'd maybe consider each other as one of top 5 friends. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Well, that friendship's dead. It's actually not all that uncommon for friends (especially female ones) to hook up with their best friend's (ex)boyfriends. The guy has proven that he's able to commit and becomes and attractive prospect. It's just sad. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Seriously, I've seen friendships end because of me. I'll give you an example. I used to work with a girl and we became pretty good friends. She had feelings for me (I noticed the signs before) and before she left to move to another city, she let me know. I explained that I just can't date coworkers, and I could only ever see her as a friend. I also pointed out that if we had started something, she wouldn't have wanted to move to another city and further her career. Anyways, fast forward a couple years to the present (a few months ago) and she comes home to visit her family and friends here. We have a party, and being newly single, I'm in a flirty mood at the time. I strike up a conversation with one of her best friends, and we start flirting back and forth. Nothing too serious, just friendly, playful banter. Anyways, she apparently got really p***** about it. She told me that I knew she had feelings for me a while back, and it wasn't cool of me to do that, and she needed space (I had to laugh. Space from what? We live like 1500 miles apart, and used to speak like once a month!). I basically told her to go screw herself, and since we were never in a relationship and she now lives in another state, I can flirt with whoever I want. My friends and I now joke about the relationship I never had, lol. They're like, "still reeling from that break-up?" lol. Anyways, her and I no longer speak, and my understanding is that her friend with whom I flirted with is also out in the cold because of this. I have other examples of women holding insane grudges over little things, ending friendships, etc, but you get the idea. I'm not saying all women are like this, but in my experiences and from what I've seen with all the women in my life, they are quick to cut people out of their life over the tiniest of things. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Oh man, this will not end well. What is her friend doing talking to you when she should be comforting your ex..that's what friends do. Good joke. Have fun with all the drama. I would do yourself a favor, stop this before it develops further. There's no way I could do that to an ex, even one that broke up with me. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Seriously, I've seen friendships end because of me. Uh oh, you are a weapon of mass disruption amongst women! Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Uh oh, you are a weapon of mass disruption amongst women! Apparently so, lol. Drama follows me wherever I go! Link to comment
str8edge Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 There's like 3 billion women on the planet, and you have to be with one of her best friends? Some people should be off limits out of consideration of a friendship. Just my two cents. Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 If you aren't in contact with your ex, then this is really more the concern of her friend. As for when, sooner is probably better. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 There's like 3 billion women on the planet, and you have to be with one of her best friends? Some people should be off limits out of consideration of a friendship. Just my two cents. Yet that doesn't stop people from pursuing married individuals. People do what they want and throw morals to the wind. Nothing matters in this world anymore. Everything is "if it feels good do it" Link to comment
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