My relationship is a NIGHTMARE!!

[Heidi1991]

Around 6 months ago my ex split up with me over text, the next day he regretted it, as i made the situation real he realised he made a huge mistake and i chose not to take him back. We were together for around 5/6 years and also had a child in this time. The relationship for me was hell, he treated me badly, he took me for granted, and each day was a struggle. So in all seriousness he did me a favour, all i had to do was stick to my decision, which i did. I got to the point in my relationship where i fell out of love with my ex so moving on for me wasn’t that difficult.

 

Here is the thing, I met somebody else just before my ex split up with me and got straight into another relationship with him....

 

My new man seemed like my knight in shining armour, my hero, my saviour. He seemed perfect in every which way. We slept together straight away, he told me he came out of his last serious relationship 8 months previous, and wouldn’t normally do this but we both felt a strong connection and it just seemed so right. In the first few weeks we talked alot, we told each other everything, everything about our lives and everything about our pasts.

 

At first the relationship was almost a fairy tale, i felt bewildered by him, my heart ached for his company but the arguments started and they started badly. The world seemed against are love. We would argue about my ex and about my child i had with him. We would argue about my life style, the people i had as friends, the time we spent together. The people we were texting, everything!

 

I have a bad problem with depression and drink, I don’t drink regularly but when i do i don’t stop and i get into an emotional wreck, my body hates it. I ended up getting drunk and kissed my ex a month ago. The worst mistake of my life and my partner won’t let me forget it. For me that kiss was closure on a dead relationship and me and my ex had said after that it just wouldn’t work out ever. The day after this happened i told my partner. I couldn’t cope with the guilt so i told him. Of course he flew off the handle and rightly so. He punched a hole through my door and emotionally tortured me for about a week after, i lost a tone of weight i got told i looked like death and i felt like death. I felt like i made the biggest mistake of my life.

 

The day i told my partner i kissed my ex was the day he told me that he had not split up with his ex, the 8 months before we met, and that she was still living with him for a month and a half wile we were seeing each other, we were practically together at this point and were also sleeping together. He lied to me at the start as i was told this and confronted him. But now it all seemed to piece together as he wouldn’t let me go to his apartment and kept making excuses as to why i couldn’t go their. A week before we made are relationship official if you like, his ex moved out, it was also her birthday and he told me he stayed at a hotel with her and her family, but hated every minute of it and didn’t sleep with her.

 

I feel gutted that he lied to me for the past 5 months, but how could i compare that to the kiss with my ex. He told me he wasn’t sleeping with her and me at the same time but how do i believe him after 5 months of lies. Would he have ever told me about it if it wasn’t for me hurting him?

 

Not only did he tell me about his ex, he also text another girl in front of me asking for sex. He showed me the messages. I no he wanted to hurt me like i hurt him but two wrongs don’t make a right. The girl he text was a girl that we had arguments about previously. This girl is completely head over hills in love with him and he promised me that nothing had happened between them when we last spoke about it, He then later admitted to a kiss in a nightclub, he said that was it.

 

One night about a week ago he asked to see my messages on my phone, I agreed as I have nothing to hide. I proved it and then asked for him to do the same. He got possessive and wouldn’t allow me to see his, eventually after I persuaded him he showed me. I saw a message from this girl saying “I’m sorry I love you so much ill never treat you like that again. I just want your arms around me and cuddle me.” I asked what on earth that was all about and he denied anything was going on and said she was stalking him, he said the reason she said she would never treat him like that again was because, when he had kissed her in the nightclub just after he has went to the toilette and when he got back she was kissing another man. To be honest I don’t believe that as he would have told me when I asked before and never mentioned that part.

 

The trust in this relationship is zero. It’s a complete nightmare. I’ve lost my two best friends because of it, I don’t speak to my brother anymore and my life revolves around him. I don’t know what to do I don’t believe anything he says anymore I almost hate him. Silly thing is he’s so clever and cunning, he twists the fact our relationship is so rubbish on me, he says I’m over possessive and controlling. He told me if I speak to my best mate its over, he told me that if I speak to my daughter’s dad it’s over. He told me he’s only with me because I look good on his arm. I’m not aloud even one drink when I go out. He does what he wants when he wants and my feelings don’t count.

 

I don’t know how much more I can take I just feel worthless at the moment, second best. The arguing is draining. I have done everything I possibly could do to make him happy and now I’m suffering terribly. All I want is for him to make the effort I have. I feel so confused about the relationship its unbelievable, one minute I love him the next I don’t know if I want to be with him. Maybe I’m scared of being alone. I guess I cant go on feeling this way.

[CatsMeeoow]

Well - you've taken the first step and recognized what you thought you gained with this new love has actually cost you greatly in the end.

 

I think you need to find a professional counselor to talk to as you do have an alcohol problem. You may not drink that often but when you do you go WAY overboard and that's alcohol abuse and a huge problem.

 

You also realize you went from one crappy relationship to the next.

 

I think you need to end things with this guy and figure out who you are. What you really need to be doing is putting your child first and then figuring out a life for yourself. I think again a professional counselor is going to be needed to help you sort through your issues in why your relationships keep finding a way to circle the drain.

 

Work on yourself as a person. Start by making your mom life a priority followed by getting the rest of your personal life in order. Perhaps in time when others can see how much you have worked on yourself and how you are committed to making it last you might gain those friends and your brother back.

 

I think working with a professional will help you see what a normal healthy relationship between two people should be like because it looks like you just don't know - I'm not trying to be hurtful but honest. I think you need to make this your wake up call for life!

 

Good Luck