Anxious and pissed

[Lysander29]

I was the dumper after an abusive relationship and I had to kick her out of our great apartment we got after living together for a year and being together for two. It's been just over a month and I have not responded to any small emails or a phone call as I have had no apology whatsoever for her physically attacking me which let to our demise. The fights were just too frequent- once every 7 days but not physical- for roughly a year! Feel free to read previous posts on it I wrote back in June into July for the background.

 

I have kept the apt solo for a month now and have loved it, but I knew I had to get a roommate eventually since I can't afford to keep a 2br/2ba alone on NYC rates. So the new guy is coming in this weekend- seems ok- had to go on craigslist to find a roommate so you never know what you're going to get there. I've had good ones in the past through the site years back when looking for a roommate and a few bad apples as well. This guy seems ok, but who knows in the long run.

 

I'm just really pissed off at her and myself right now for putting me in this situation in my mid 30's. I am angry with her right now but I also need to be kicking myself for getting into this hole. This should have been an awesome situation and it just wasn't. Dammit why did we have to fight so much? Why did she have to get violent at times? She just couldn't leave her years of family issues and drama with previous relationships at the door? I know, I know that's a very difficult thing to do....

I'm just so damn anxious over where I am and can't help but blame her right now. And she was getting help apparently (for a year and a half after we first split) but I don't think it did any good as she remained to have those outbursts.

 

I obviously made the right call on separating and have had absolutely NO contact and have given her any response whatsoever but damn man, this shouldn't have happened. I'm just pissed I have to be in this situation and I can't help but to point a finger at her for it... (When of course its my fault to an extent to even have stayed with her for so long even after the first incident but I tried everything I could to save it)

 

Just venting....