JerkBrokeMe Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I'm not going to call it NC or any other label because it just is what it is. But after 5 months of being "friends" and hanging out every week, often times seeming like more than just friends, I had enough. I told him we need to stay out of eachothers lives (in those exact words). I also said that I hoped someday he would remember what we had and we could work things out. The other thing I said was that I'm sure we would also be there for eachother if one of us really needed it (we were together for over 9 years..) When he read the message he called me up crying and didn't understand why. I explained my reasons and told him it wasn't fair to me. After an hour long conversation he said he understood and was crying again as he said goodbye. We had insurance stuff to discuss a couple of days later at which time he told me the day after our conversation he got drunk and passed out. When I asked why, he said "because we can't be friends anymore." So he clearly understood. Now since the end of June I've only seen him twice. Once was because of the "if we ever need eachother" part. We went to visit his brother's grave on the anniversary of his death. On the way my ex said something about how I told him I need some space for awhile and he was respecting that. I didn't correct him because, well, we were on our way to visit his dead brother. The second time was last week when he paid me some money he owed me. He also ended up taking me out for awhile and buying me stuff, but I'm not going to try to decipher that right now. He AGAIN said how I had told him I needed some space and he was respecting that and he told me we were still best friends. As if this is just temporary for me. Like I said earlier, he understood perfectly clear that I told him we can't be in eachothers lives anymore. Clear enough to get * * * * faced drunk over it. I didn't correct him this time either because he was being sweet and loving and I didn't want to change that dynamic because, apparently, I was born without a backbone. Anyone have any insight as to why he's acting delusional about it? Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Do you have any children together? Angel Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Anyone have any insight as to why he's acting delusional about it? Maybe its because you left it like this I told him we need to stay out of eachothers lives (in those exact words). I also said that I hoped someday he would remember what we had and we could work things out. See the conflict there? In his mind it leaves a glimmer of hope, and he isnt ready to wait for it. He worked his was back in as a friend once before and he figures he can do it again. Second, I know its hard to not do these things, but going to visit his brother's grave was a "couple" type activity. Its a very personal moment. You coupled that with allowing him to buy you things. Im guessing thats why he doesnt understand why you cant be in each others lives. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Anyone have any insight as to why he's acting delusional about it? Because you keep hanging out with him? Link to comment
DN Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Anyone have any insight as to why he's acting delusional about it? Because you keep hanging out with him?Exactly. Why are you hanging out with him and letting him buy you things? You are not exactly enforcing your own decision. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 It sounds like you're remaining "friends" with him, as a means of getting back into a relationship. It's very painful to accept, but if there is any chance of getting back together, this is the most unlikely way of that happening. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 only way you're going to get over him at all is to go completely NC. it sucks. it hurts. but it's the only way. Link to comment
JerkBrokeMe Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Do you have any children together? Angel No, we don't. Maybe its because you left it like this See the conflict there? In his mind it leaves a glimmer of hope, and he isnt ready to wait for it. He worked his was back in as a friend once before and he figures he can do it again. Second, I know its hard to not do these things, but going to visit his brother's grave was a "couple" type activity. Its a very personal moment. You coupled that with allowing him to buy you things. Im guessing thats why he doesnt understand why you cant be in each others lives. A glimmer of hope for him? he left me. He knows how much I want to be together. He doesn't need hope. And as far as visiting the grave together, his brother and I were best friends. It was always the 3 of us..so thats why we went together. I didn't see it as a couple type of activity. I don't think he did either. But let's just say he did see it as a couple activity, wouldn't that annoy/push him away since he broke up with me. Wouldn't that be me not respecting his wishes and overstepping my bounds? I don't see why it would make him think I've changed what I said to "I need a little space for now." Anyone have any insight as to why he's acting delusional about it? Because you keep hanging out with him? I don't keep hanging out with him. We went from talking on the phone regularly, hanging out twice a week doing actual fun things to going to the cemetery and him paying me back some money in a little over a month. Exactly. Why are you hanging out with him and letting him buy you things? You are not exactly enforcing your own decision. I don't really see those two occassions as hanging out. And as far as him coming by to give me my money I offered 3 separate times to give him my bank account number so he could just deposit it. He didn't want to do that. I let him buy me things because I love him and I was weak when he was showing affection. I had every intention of leaving it at as a polite "hi" and "bye" thing but he sucked me in. But I never went back on what I told him. Infact when he said that we're still best friends, I said "we're not even friends" Thats when he repeated the thing about my needing space and that it wasn't going to be like this forever. I'm still not understanding where he's getting that from. It sounds like you're remaining "friends" with him, as a means of getting back into a relationship. It's very painful to accept, but if there is any chance of getting back together, this is the most unlikely way of that happening. I absolutely want to get back with him. But I've cut out our hanging out asfriends the best I know how after being together for so long. I deleted him from facebook, stated clearly all my reasons. I'm not gonna sit here and say I'm "in NC" because I think, for me personally, that would be manipulation. But I thought I was doing well with sticking to my decision while also being true to myself. I guess not? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 What matters is what is going to get you through while you are not together? I personally think saying I gotta cut communication until I'm over wanting him back isn't manipulation at all. Link to comment
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