nikkinikki143 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 We have been officially broken up for three weeks today & neither one of us have yet to go full NC. Either you text out of the blue that you miss me or I text u realizing I've left something of value over there..u always equate my contact to an opporunity to invite me over but the honest truth is whatevers there is gone, I don't want to see you. Im just texting to confirm my stuff is there so I can stop looking at my place and u can get rid of it at urs. Don't you get it? When I said I was done with you this time it meant forever.I don't know what I've accomplished during these 3 wks apart because I still have feelings for you and when I look in the mirror I don't see me, at least not the fun loving playful girl I used to be. One thing I know for sure is that I don't want u anymore. I care for you and I worry for u, I even pray for u but my biggest worry is that your destructive behavior will kill you. I think a part of my not maintaining NC is becuz I want to check in to see that u havnt gotten a dui or worse drank too much while taking those sleeping pills/pain pills your stupid ignorant friends give u thinking they help with ur insomnia. I want to call ur mom to tell her to look out for u but u might get angry and possibly hurt me or somebody else. Your temper scares me. Remember the time u flipped out in the kitchen over facebook? I never told u but ur friend heard the whole thing and told me to leave u! Even ur freinds told me to go. Two days ago I text you crying trying to make sense of all this and you proceeded to call me a * * * * * completely unprevoked for no reason. Said I was sleeping with someone already, couldn't go a few wks without someone. Funny cuz I'm single, not dating and havnt slept with anyone. Yet again one of your borderline projections. I'm sure ur accusing me because its what ur doing, but ill never say that out loud of to ur face. You appologized and invited me over mere minutes later. Why did u think id come espcially after calling me a * * * * * ? Don't u remember the last time we saw eachother? U left me in a parking lot the wk before our vacation. Did u forget all u put me through? All I want is my peacee of mind back and going NC is the only way I can do that. I'm sorry I have to leave ur life. I hope u can forgive me someday for making you find ur way on ur own. I'm sorry I can't be lost with u anymore. Link to comment
nikkinikki143 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Today flew by and I find myself thinking about u less and less. I finally installed a good sms/call blocker for my phone so that id never see another text or get another call. I felt horrible blocking you. I was raised to be civil and ingoring someone is anything but that yet there's no way I can preserve myself if we continue on the path we've been on. One minute you love me, want to marry me the next u hate me and ur breaking up with me. Its a cycle were all too familiar with. Its a pattern of abuse. Did you even realize that? You always called the shots and made the rules, you were always in control. Look what its cost us? I wonder if id stood my ground if things would've been different. Today I'm the driver and ur in the back seat for once. I've taken your choices away. I'm not longer engaging in your bull * * * * patterns of emotional abuse. Link to comment
nikkinikki143 Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 :0) I woke up this morning and for the first time in a long time you weren't my first thought. I've fully accepted my decision to carry on a life without you in it. I not longer miss you. Today I'm just happy. Link to comment
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