Can't Stop Thinking I'm Not Good Enough

[QueenMinnie]

Sorry, this is so long.

 

I was with a guy for three years, who would never take me to hangout with his friends. He'd leave for hours on end every weekend to hang out with them playing pool, board games, and video games while I sat at home. New to the area, I didn't have a lot of friends and when I started dating him I thought it would be an opportunity to branch out. At first we did things with them, but slowly I spent more and more time alone. I finally broke it off, but I still didn't have many friends.

 

Before him, I had a crush on the security guard where I worked. We talked and flirted every time he came in, but I felt intimidated, because he was pretty religious where I'm not. When I got a new job, we lost touch. The first time my bf and I breaking up happened to be the same time that I ran into the security guard again. It was coincidence. I know what some may think. I didn't pursue anything, because my bf got jealous and I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. But we did talk a lot about different things in general and then I pulled back in respect for my bf. When I broke up with my bf over a year later, the security guard saw my new status and messaged me on Facebook to say hi. At least, I'm guessing it's because he saw my status or it was coincidence again. Anyway, he invited me out and I wasn't expecting anything, but hoping I could meet some new people since he's a very likeable people person. Then, I hung out with him and we ended up kissing.

 

We hung out a couple more times. We kissed and fooled around, which isn't something I normally do, but I really REALLY liked him and he acted like really liked me. He was more mature than my ex and more outgoing. People loved him. He was always smiling. But then he told me he wasn't ready to have a girlfriend. He hasn't had one for a while. But then he kept texting me and we'd go hangout. He claimed he really liked me, but wanted to just be friends and I believed him, because he's always been a "good guy". But the texting always led to a sexual nature and he always wanted to kiss. We've never gone all the way. He doesn't plan on doing it until marriage. I played along for fun, but our meetings and conversations would always lead back to that...and each time more quickly. I started to feel kind of used. But maybe I was overreacting. I just didn't get the feeling he wanted to really get to know me better with him always reverting to the sexy talk and "I just want to be friends". I've read multiple different places that men say that to a girl when they just want to fool around and they're not interested in her.

 

After a month of this off and on, Friday, I started expressing my doubts and he never responded, which is not normal, because his cell is constantly on him and he's constantly checking it. It made me feel even cheaper than I already did. I got upset and told him that I would appreciate it if he didn't text me any longer. (If he texts me, I'm more likely to give in, because I like him so much.) He didn't respond. Saturday, I texted him that I regretted all of it and hoped he'd think twice about the next girl. If he was as good a guy as he said, why would he treat a girl like she was cheap? Maybe he didn't realize it. I felt like I had to say something, because I gave a part of me up and he quite possibly didn't realize what he was doing.

 

He finally responded back that he didn't look at his phone for 1.5 days. He said he didn't want to just fool around, but all these weeks he didn't really show me otherwise. He said it sounded like I had a strong opinion and if that's what I thought then I didn't know him. I told him if that was the case, then I didn't, but I got the feeling he didn't want us to get to know each other better. He responded he wanted us to be friends, just friends. And I told him what I thought about the friend "escape clause". That was the end of the conversation. He didn't respond.

 

What sucks is that I really miss him. But it comes down to the fact that I wasn't god enough for him. And that's the cycle going through my mind. "I wish I could talk to him." "I wasn't good enough. If I was, he would have wanted to date me." Over and over. I feel like it started with my ex. I wasn't good enough to take out and I wasn't good enough for this guy either. I feel really broken up inside. I've given guys benefit of the doubt before and I was always proven wrong. I decided this time not to let it go there. But maybe I was wrong and I should text him again...or maybe I'm really not god enough....

 

Any advice out there?

[Marthamel]

Hey Queen Minnie

 

From what you have said, and some things I have read recently, I think that what has happened is way more just a case of "men from mars, women from venus" than anything to do with you personally.

 

I recently subscribed to an email list from a guy that explains how we women do this, and how men do things differently, and I am starting to understand a bit more. Basically, you have to start as you mean to continue - if we start out fooling around, then that is how it will progress... if we start out with an expectation that we only get intimate with someone who is serious, then often men will rise to the occasion.

 

I will PM you... I don't benefit from anything to do with this guy... but he is worth reading.

Best of luck!

Martha

 

PS Can't seem to PM you... so will try this way. go to www[dot]CatchHimKeepHim[dot]com/MakeorBreak