How to get her to love me again

[gino]

At an early stage in our relationship I woke up several times in the morning feeling her lips all over my skin. She used to hold me and say she loves me, that she's excited about me, etc...

 

Here we are now, ten years later and 2 kids later, she never touches me anymore, never. I say I love you, she replies I love you too. But the tone is so fake and empty of any true loving emotions. I hold her tight, I kiss her neck, she keeps her arms by her waist. She says I'm a great husband and dad but the way she looks at me reflects a vibe of subconscious dissatisfaction.

 

One time, she tells me about that guy who is so smart, he started his business from scratch and now owns a big house and has bought a car for his wife. One other time, she tells me about this other guy who wakes up early to make breakfast for his wife and kids. One other time, she tells me that her friend is married to this guy who has a rich father.

 

It feels that she's subconsciously expecting much more of me and she's not getting it and that's making her subconsciuosly resentful and disappointed. She wants a happy successful fellow but all I am is an average 40 year old man with 2 stressful and pointless jobs and no prospects.

 

What can I do to get her love back?

[pinkelephant]

Do you do anything for her? I'm not talking about affection, practical things. When you go grocery shopping, do you carry the heavy bags? Do you make her breakfast from time to time? Sometimes, guys don't understand those things really affect the way their women feel about them.

[gino]

All what you have mentioned and way more.

[SS01]

if she talks about this and that, and to be honest, it seems like shes found the SUCCESS appealing and that whatever you have done in the past does not apply today obviously.. but you mentioned you have 2 pointless jobs .. is she implying that you maybe outta move to another career that is successful in her eyes?

[henryfirst]

Your case is actually the case of millions of married men out there. All women who are over 30 years old are only attracted to big success. If they don't see you as successful then they don't want to be with you. If they are already married to you when they discover that you don't have big success, they would either leave you or stay with you and secretly or openly resent you.

 

My wife was very much like yours. She never touched me or wanted to make love to me regardless of all my efforts. But now she's happy because she left me and got married to some hot shot investor with a big fake smile. Deep down inside, I'm happy for her, and I'm thankful that she was at least honest about it to say that she doesn't want to stick around with an airline clerk who might just get laid off at anytime. She's also being very cooperative when it comes to our kids which I'm very happy about. Being with my kids and taking care of them is all that matters to me now.

[Deciduous]

Hello Gino,

 

What strikes me is the deep lack of respect your wife is currently showing for your achievements. Unconsiously you agree with her assessment and therin lies the problem. You've tried appeasement but this leads to more distancing and disrespect on her part.

 

Sure, romance grows a little cooler after ten years, but when she puts the blame for her disappointing life squarely on your shoulders, then we have a wife who isn't willing to take responsibility for her own path, but blaming her dissatisfaction on some-one else.

 

Might I suggest that you stop shouldering this burden. Might I suggest that the next time she mentions Mr. Big-Shot down the road you say

 

"Listen up here, sweetie! I can't comment on what is going on at Mr Big's house, but I do know that I am working my frickin butt off in two naff jobs to support you and our two babies. I do know that I am here and available to my kids. Please do not tell me how to be a man, because CLEARLY we have two points of view on that one."

 

Start fighting back for your dignity. The time has come for you to stand your ground and feel some pride for way in which you unfailingly support and provide for your family. Stuff what any-one else is doing. I guarantee Mr Big-Shot has his own problems, his own heartbreaks and his own setbacks and worries. None of us live the gilded life that your wife has imagined.

 

Lets get one thing straight. You are not a failure. You are the guy who stuck by his wife and kids.

 

Are you getting the picture. Sounds like you're a big a** success to me, dude.

 

Wishing you the best

 

Deciduous