Lauren8785 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 My cousins and I got into a small fight. I told them how I felt about something and pointed some things out to them and it blew up in my face. I do not feel bad or regret what my part of the fight was, but I do want to just make peace but without apologizing for anything. What can I say to make amends without apologizing? I don't want family gatherings to be awkward because the last few ones I kept my distance and didn't talk to them but I don't want it to be that way for ever. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 You say "I am sorry you misunderstood what I said and meant when I shared those things with you". Is it possible that the way in which you shared your issues or the time/place in which you shared your issues is something you should apologize for? Link to comment
listed Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 One thing I've done before is just joked around with a person I fought with about the fight. This has the effect of diminishing the fight as in it's not really that important and shows that you have positive feelings for the person independent of it. I guess it would kind of depend on your relationship whether that's really doable. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 If the fight had been between just two people, both of the above might work. But it is a group against an individual, so I don't think things will get better until you DO apologize in some way, shape, or form. You say you don't regret you part in the argument, but your post sounds like you really do. Apologize, get it over with, and go have fun with your cousins. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 No, like I said I do not regret what I said. I was honest and shared my feelings with them and it just blew up from there. I feel like they do not care about my feelings and what not but I am getting over that. If they don't then they don't but I don't want to hold a grudge forever and not talk to them ever again but I do not wish to apologize because I did not do anything wrong but state MY feelings and views. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 I ain't going to apologize for my feelings and telling them how I felt. I just want to "break the ice" without apologizing for anything and move on. Link to comment
Mustachio Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Well there is a difference between being sorry for what you said and felt and being sorry that it caused a big mess. You obviously didnt mean for it to blow up like that, so whats the harm in apologizing for that part of it? Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 So what can I say to my cousins in order to do that, with out an " I'm sorry"? Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Well when you see them just act normal. You don't need to apologize for anything. If it is them who still the hold the grudge, they will get over it. Besides there is nothing you can do to make them talk. You just be the bigger person. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 Well there is a difference between being sorry for what you said and felt and being sorry that it caused a big mess. You obviously didnt mean for it to blow up like that, so whats the hard in apologizing for that part of it? I guess I could apologize for that, but not for how I felt or sharing my feelings or anything. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 No, like I said I do not regret what I said. I was honest and shared my feelings with them and it just blew up from there. I feel like they do not care about my feelings and what not but I am getting over that. If they don't then they don't but I don't want to hold a grudge forever and not talk to them ever again but I do not wish to apologize because I did not do anything wrong but state MY feelings and views. Being honest and sharing your feelings needs to be balanced with tact and consideration for the other person's feelings. Is it possible it blew up because of the tone you used or when you chose to share these feelings or in what context? Link to comment
Mustachio Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 I think you are sweating the semantics of the word and if you insist on being that stubborn this may not be a situation that can be resolved. One way or another, your words and feelings caused a problem. You can tell them that you meant what you said but that you didnt mean for it to get out of hand. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 The bigger person bites the bullet for friends, family, and lovers over things that are not life altering. Don't let your pride get in the way of family. Link to comment
Lauren8785 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 I think you are sweating the semantics of the word and if you insist on being that stubborn this may not be a situation that can be resolved. One way or another, your words and feelings caused a problem. You can tell them that you meant what you said but that you didn't mean for it to get out of hand. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Thanks guys. Link to comment
Unknown1607307972 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 If I don't feel I was wrong then I do the whole "I am sorry for my part in the argument, perhaps I reacted too strongly, I just think you misunderstood what I was trying to say...", usually both sides say something they don't mean and it is a great way to make peace without accepting full blame when you don't feel you were in the wrong. Link to comment
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