Cheated on

[Hawkbot]

Hi. I posted a thread here a long time ago but I need help again.

I'm young. My boyfriend is 2 years older. We're both guys. We broke up for a while because he pretty much cheated on me and lied about it. He then cheated on his next boyfriend. He said he'd never cheat on me if we were together again etc and I believed him. We got back together in March. He told me that while we were broken up, his best friend told him that he loved him. He's also my friend. I thought it was a bit weird, but as long as nothing happened I wasnt going to make a scene.

 

Last night, he cheated on me with that best friend.

He told me and told me I should break up with him. I dont know what to do. I dont want to stay with him, it will eat me up inside and I feel a third chance is equal to permission to cheat because he'll think I wont leave him again. I love him so much. We fight like any couple, but I cant see myself with anyone else, he's the perfect boyfriend...except that he cheated. And I know that I can never trust him again because there was absolutely no reason why he'd do this. He doesnt like the friend back, but he said that his friend started stuff and he 'just didnt stop him' and then said he did five minutes later when he thought of me. They were drinking but obviously I'm not taking that excuse and I dont think he was very drunk.

 

So, I guess my question is, if this happened to any of you, what would you do? I dont feel its something I can handle again. We were together for 14 months and broke up for 5 months, and we've been back together for 4 months. I've never cheated on him and never ever would.

 

I just feel so lost and sad, please help.

 

P.S sorry if I dont reply to this thread again, I probably will, but I'll definitely read any replies. Thank you.

[Giggity]

Yes, I would break up with someone who did this to me. He cheated twice? After promising he wouldn't do it again? He will do it again if you forgive him. He has no respect for you. He sounds like he is just that kind of person. Some people jsut have it in them, where they cheat constantly. It's unlikely to be anything personal to you, he'll more than likely do it to the next guy.

 

I believe some people change. So I don't think "once a cheater, always a cheater" always applies. But in this case, he did it twice. You are better off without him. You deserve better. It's going to be very hard, but in the long run you'll be happier.

 

p.s. Just realised you said he cheated on another boyfriend too. So yeah, like I said...he's just that kinda person.

 

Sorry you've been hurt.

[Hawkbot]

Hes so good to me in every other way though But I guess you're right...its such a basic thing. Thank you very much for your reply.

[Giggity]

Cheating on someone is a MAJOR thing. How can their be any trust in your relationship? What does he do that is so good to you? Says nice things? Actions speak louder than words.

[Mustachio]

I cant see myself with anyone else, he's the perfect boyfriend...except that he cheated. And I know that I can never trust him again because there was absolutely no reason why he'd do this.

 

Please reread what you wrote there. Perfect boyfriend except that he cheated, give me a break. Sure the things he does may be great, but he is far from perfect, I mean cheating like this is a huge personality trait red flag. I dont care if he brings you breakfast in bed every day for the rest of his life because that doesnt matter if he goes out and cheats on you.

 

You speak about not being able to see yourself with anyone else, can you honestly see yourself with him anymore? You say you will never trust him again, do you really want to be in a relationship where you dont trust your partner?

 

You also say you dont feel its something you can handle again. So are you going to allow yourself to remain in a situation where it will happen again, and believe me, if you stay with him, it will.

 

I think you already know what to do. All your uncertainties about being with someone else, or thinking he is perfect except the cheating, all that will vanish in time.

[Hawkbot]

Its not just words, he always makes such an effort to see me and to make me happy. But reading your replies, I think I know what I have to do.

 

But just in case, what should I do if it ends up that he didnt reciprocate? As in, he just let it happen for whatever amount of time? I realize its not much better but I do know that if I was there it wouldnt have happened, that he didnt start it, and it wasnt planned because he'd asked me if I wanted to come over but I couldnt. I heard he deleted the friend off facebook etc too. I think I'm still having some trouble believing he did it but at the end of the day he did do it and I'd be lying to myself to think he wouldnt do it again. Its just so horrible.

[Giggity]

What do you mean just let it happen? I don't understand. You don't just "let" cheating happen. He might not have planned it, or even made the first move. But as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. You're just looking for excuses to forgive him. I know it's horrible, but it'll be even more horrible to have it happen again and again. Which I believe it will, should you give him yet another chance. He even told you to break up with him. Take his advice, and get a new "best friend" while you're there.

[Hawkbot]

He said his friend "just moved him", which somehow ended up being masturbation and oral sex. I broke up with him but decided to give him a last chance as long as he doesnt drink while I'm not there, and hes not friends with him anymore, which is pretty big since they're childhood friends. I feel a bit silly giving him the chance but the only reason I did it is because he told me straight away and as far as he was concerned I was definitely going to break up with him, so at least if he does it again, he'll still tell me, and that'll hopefully be when I break up with him. But hopefully it wont come to that.

 

I'm not sure how it'll go from here but thank you all so much for your advice, it means a lot that strangers care enough to post.