Do I Care Too Much?

[adonis_boy]

Sorry for the long read. I would appreciate any help.

 

A week ago, my long-distance girlfriend was planning to go to campus to use the internet and we decided that she will let me know if she went there or not so that we could talk on Skype. At the time she was planning to be there, I didn't hear from her so I called her an hour later to hear that she went there with a friend and they were chatting so she forgot to text me. I did not get disappointed by this and thought that it is a one time thing: People can forget, so what? So I said no problem, it would be nice if you let me know but it's ok and moved on.

 

2 days ago, she got into a fierce argument with her mother and she was very sad and depressed. I did my best to help her over the phone and we talked like 30 minutes. Yesterday, she went out to meet a close friend and her situation with her mother was still unresolved. Knowing this, I sent her a text last night, to see if she is ok and everything's fine but I don't get a reply. Worried about her, I assume that something went wrong again with her mum so I call her after 3 hours. I find her watching a movie with her best friend at her place, drinking tea. I tell her I was worried about her and she asks me why? Then I say "Because I didn't hear back from you.". She says she forgot to reply and apologizes.

 

Because it is the second time she is doing this, I become disappointed and suddenly feel like I am caring for this girl more than necessary. The truth is, I didn't enjoy worrying about her all night when she tells me she has serious problems with her family, later finding out that she is having a good time with her friend, leaving me worried. I have no problem with her having a good time and spending time with friends but I felt ignored after spending that much time to make her feel better. I even cut our conversation on the phone short earlier that day to let her enjoy her time with her friend.

 

I let her know about this and after we hang up, she sends me a very intimate apologizing text telling me she thinks about me all day long, she loves me very much, blah blah.

 

I feel like this is turning into a routine and I don't really like it. I don't know if I should make it this big of a problem but it is really bothering me with the distance involved. I have been really understanding until this time but I don't know if I should be anymore. I would love to get your objective opinions on this.

[Irial]

I understand how you feel so well! I was/am in a very similar situation with my own long distance boyfriend. I have had the same feeling that I am the one who cares the most in our relationship and somewhat resented him for taking ages to answer me when I was worried that he wasn't ok, while he was just busy. What I did was confronting him about this calmly, telling him I felt ignored by him and that I didn't feel he showed he cared about me nearly as much as I did and that made me feel unwanted. He explained to me that he's simply comfortable even with a less frequent level of communication but he had no idea that this would affect me so much and that he will try to make it better for me and keep in touch more often. Wether or not this will work, I don't know.

 

Personally I think it is possible that your girlfriend, if genuinely in love with you, might just not realize how you feel about this. She might not have understood that it matters so much to you and that you will worry if she doesn't get back to you. I think you two should just discuss this calmly and reach a compromise. Either way, it would be beneficial if you really do trust her about her feelings for you, to start giving less importance to the fact she sometimes doesn't let you know things, because she probably doesn't mean any harm. However, if you have doubts about her truly caring about you, then you should definitely discuss it with her, and in both cases you should let her know that this is affecting you and she should try to make an effort and answer you or at least keep in touch SOME way.